I’m honored to end National Adoption Month with the words of a dear friend of mine. Beth became a mother for the first time through the adoption of her beautiful daughter eleven years ago. Please welcome her in this space as she shares part of her touching story…
How much did she cost? I stared blankly at the unknown cashier behind the counter. Then turned my gaze to the dark brown almond eyes staring up at me from my stroller. Eyes that knew me, trusted me but were so different from my own.
My eyes returned to the smiling face of the stranger taking my money. I knew what she was asking. I was even prepared for it on an intellectual level, but still I struggled not to be offended by a question she might have asked in regard to my puppy or my new couch.
The adoption process is extensive and there are costs involved. But, how do I answer this person I do not know? I needed an answer. For her and all the people who would ask in the future… and there would be more. Of that I was certain.
Do I list for her the facts? There are fees—myriads of fees—home study, placing agency, documents that have to be stamped at all levels of government (each with their own fee), plane flights, passports, doctors, country fees, travel fees.
Do I give her the bottom line?
There are other costs as well. The pain of two miscarriages, tears caused by empty arms, hours of paperwork, meetings with a social worker who you are sure is looking for the one reason that you wouldn’t make a good parent, the sympathetic stares of friends and family who have no words of empathy, months and months of waiting. No. As I formulate the answer, I know I will not share these things.
I have been a mom for only a few months, but from the moment I first laid eyes on the sweet girl with the almond eyes none of those costs mattered. Here is what I know: my heart sang the first time she called me mama, the joy of an angel asleep in my arms, the miraculous way that God used a communist government thousands of miles away to match this daughter, born to another woman, but created to be mine, first steps, giggles, daddy/daughter snuggles, long walks in the park, playdates with other moms, endless hours of watching her sleep.
I knew the answer. How much did she cost? She is PRICELESS!!!
Eleven years later, after many late nights, temper tantrums, broken hearts, rolling eyes, messy moments, and invasive questions from people I barely know, my answer is still the same. I wouldn’t change a thing about the way I became a mom. God gave me a gift.
He showed me, in a very tangible and real way what He did for me. I was orphaned. I was alone. I needed a Father. And through Jesus, no matter the cost, He made a way for me to find home. And that, my friends, is priceless!
~Beth Barker lives in Northern Kentucky with her husband, Don and three daughters, Jaelyn, Reagan, and Rebekah. A follower of Jesus and a teacher by trade, she has relished the opportunity to stay at home with her girls. Her passion for adoption began with her desire to be a mom, but once her eyes were opened to God’s heart for the orphan, she has longed to see the millions of orphans and vulnerable children of our world find forever families.
What a tear-inducing tribute to a precious and truly priceless daughter! Thank you for sharing your story here with us, Beth. I’m blessed to know and love you and your entire family.
Just a reminder, I will be starting my break at the end of this week. Please make sure we are connected on my newest social media accounts, Instagram and Facebook, so we can stay in touch over the holidays. I will be hanging out in both of those spaces during my time away from the blog.
If you are not already an email subscriber, you can join below and be notified when I return in early January. Thanks so much for being here!
Linda Stoll
November 30, 2015 at 7:06 amThis is beautiful, Candace. Our extended family has celebrated a number of adoptions over the years … one of the ways God has chosen to grow us … in more ways than one.
Thanks for sharing your story, Beth.
Beth
November 30, 2015 at 10:04 pmThank you, Linda. I love hearing from people whose lives have been touched by adoption. I firmly believe that once you’ve experienced a family being built in this way, your eyes are open to a great miracle and a great need.
Mari
November 30, 2015 at 10:11 amGreat share its unfortunate thought that we can’t ignore the enormous cost and that is why so many kids go unadopted because so many families who would love to open their homes can’t afford it. I personally recall when my daughter was small wanting to open our home to a child in need and add to our family but the costs were just not possible. I am glad for those who are able to work with this system but I think it could use some adjustments. I have no doubt that at end of day it doesn’t boil down to child’s interest but instead to the money in some organizations.
Beth
November 30, 2015 at 10:13 pmThanks for reading my story, Mari. I’m sorry to hear that your desire to adopt was prohibited by the cost. I think you are right to say that many people are deterred because of the costs involved. Ideally, these precious ones would be matched with families who are called to adoption and the costs would not be the determining factor. I am thankful that there are more and more options out there to assist families with the adoption costs. My prayer is that anyone out there feeling a call to adoption would be able to find the financial assistance they need to make it happen.
Karla @SmallTownRambler
November 30, 2015 at 11:23 amWhat a beautiful story and family you have. Thanks for sharing, Beth! You are right, you can’t put a price on that…she is priceless! God bless you and your family. <3
Beth
November 30, 2015 at 10:16 pmThanks Karla. I appreciate your taking the time to read my story. I love sharing it! Adoption has long been one of my favorite topics of conversation.
Trudy
November 30, 2015 at 12:38 pmSuch a inspirational story of adoption, Beth. Thank you for sharing it. I can’t imagine someone actually asking such a question, but I love your answer. Yes! Each child is priceless! 🙂 You have a beautiful family.
Candace, I’m not on Facebook or Instagram, but I hope you have a restful, rejuvenating break and I’m looking forward to seeing you back here. Have a blessed Advent and Christmas!
Beth
November 30, 2015 at 10:25 pmTrudy, you would truly be amazed at the questions I have been asked:) I have learned over the years to do my best to respond in love. That is not always the easy road, but I try err on the side of grace. I think most people mean well, but don’t hear what they are saying before they say it. Thank you so much for taking the time to read and respond to my story. I love sharing it.
Candace
December 1, 2015 at 8:05 amI hope you and yours have a wonderful Christmas season, Trudy! I’ll look forward to reconnecting with you after the new year, my friend.
Jen
November 30, 2015 at 2:12 pmWhat a beautiful story1 Thank you Candace for opening up your blog for Beth to share her story!
Beth
November 30, 2015 at 10:27 pmThanks for reading, Jen. I am also thankful to Candace for giving me a place to share my story.
Micah Maddox
December 1, 2015 at 6:28 amThis. Is. Beautiful. Your daughter is beautiful! And yes, priceless. Thank you for sharing this story! Beth, I hope you have a wonderful blog break and I look forward to seeing you back in January. Came over to today from Kelly’s #RaRaLinkup
Beth
December 6, 2015 at 3:21 pmMicah,
Thank you so much! She is beautiful inside and out and I am so fortunate to get to be her mom! Have a Merry Christmas!
Betsy de Cruz
December 1, 2015 at 7:47 amBeth, I can’t imagine how I would respond to such a question: “How much did she cost?” (Although my 2 year old son did ask this same question when I brought his baby sister home from the hospital!!!)
Thanks so much for sharing your story here. You have a precious family.
Beth
December 6, 2015 at 3:26 pmBetsy, fortunately my husband and I had a fantastic social worker and were well prepare pre-adoption for these kinds of questions. in the moment, though, I never knew how I would respond. I am thankful that God gave me that word, because it definitely encompassed exactly how we feel! Your little boy’s comment is precious and absolutely acceptable from a 2 year old! God Bless you and have a very Merry Christmas!
Mary Geisen
December 1, 2015 at 8:26 amWhat a beautiful and touching story! God always knows the cost that is present in our lives but trying to explain that to others can be painful. I love the answer “priceless” in answer to the stranger’s question. Any miracle from God is priceless. Thank you for sharing your friend’s story. I was blessed by these words this morning.
Beth
December 6, 2015 at 3:29 pmI’m so glad, Mary. You are definitely right about God’s miracles. I think it is easier to see in the big ones, but daily we experience His miracles. Trying to live my life so I recognize the “priceless” miracles in the everyday!
Christy
December 1, 2015 at 1:23 pmYes Beth! Our children ARE priceless aren’t they. I wrote about the things that people comment about or ask earlier in the month and can’t believe I totally forgot that one! Might have to go edit my post 🙂
Beth
December 6, 2015 at 3:32 pmChristy, tell me where I can read that post! Sounds like one I need to hear. Sometimes its fun just to share those stories. I truly don’t think most of these comments are made with any kind of offensive intent. But, I do wonder sometimes:) Thanks for reading my story.
Jeanne Takenaka
December 1, 2015 at 1:47 pmWhat a beautiful story, Beth! As an adoptive mother myself, I found my throat closing up at some of what you described as part of your adoption journey. I KNOW them. 🙂 Thank goodness we are priceless to God, that He never thinks we cost too much to keep on loving. thanks for sharing your heart.
Beth
December 6, 2015 at 3:43 pmThank you Jeanne. Unfortunately, we adoptive moms have painful similarities in many of our journeys. Although I have been very grateful for the women who have walked through the pain and held my hand through mine. I am so thankful for my journey, though. I would live the pain all over again to experience the joy! Thanks for reading my story.
Sonya
December 1, 2015 at 11:25 pmThanks for sharing your friends adoption story. She has a beautiful family 🙂
I hope you enjoy your break.
Beth
December 6, 2015 at 3:44 pmThank you so much! I love sharing my journey.
Joanne Viola
December 2, 2015 at 7:29 amA most beautiful story. And may all of our eyes be opened to the priceless gifts we have been given in & through our children and grandchildren. So glad to have stopped here this morning! Blessings to you both, Candace & Beth.
Beth
December 6, 2015 at 3:47 pmThank you Joanne. I try everyday to dwell on those priceless gifts. I’m glad you stopped by!
Lois Flowers
December 2, 2015 at 9:46 amBeth, your story is beautiful, and so is your family. Both of my daughters are adopted from China, and your pictures brought back so many sweet memories (that sweet crying face, the hotel-room headboard, the family picture in what looks like the lobby of the White Swan?) 🙂 I agree with you 100 percent about the cost of adoption … any amount would have been worth the opportunity to be mama to my girls, Many blessings to you, and thank you, Candace for sharing this post today!
Beth
December 6, 2015 at 3:51 pmThank you Lois. I love connecting with other moms of daughters born in China! Yes, definitely the White Swan! Just getting out those pictures after not looking at them for awhile make my heart skip a beat! Thanks for reading my story and sharing of yours.
Sarah
December 2, 2015 at 3:24 pmThank you for sharing this adoption story! As an adoptive-mom of a little China-girl (home for 9 months), I can also say: children are priceless. And what a beautiful picture of God’s redeeming work in our lives.
I love adoption (and have a special series starting tomorrow “Adoption After Infertility”).
-Sarah
Beth
December 6, 2015 at 4:00 pmSarah, Congratulations!!! I so remember those first months of having my girl home! I’m going to check out your series. I am glad you stopped by.
Ana (@ANAWINSblog)
December 3, 2015 at 8:42 amI really enjoyed this post. My husband and I think about adopting a lot but his number one objection is cost. I need to send this to him. Sharing on Facebook this afternoon!
Beth
December 6, 2015 at 4:07 pmAna. I’m glad you enjoyed my story. I hope you were able to share it with your husband. I know the costs seem so overwhelming, but if you are really feeling led to adoption then let me encourage you to keep exploring. There are many options out there to assist with adoption costs including the IRS adoption tax credit. Don’t give up. It is a journey you won’t regret!
Maria
December 3, 2015 at 2:07 pmThis is so beautifully put, Candace. Please give my regards to Beth for having such poignant words about her journey to being a mother. Priceless is definitely a word that comes to mind when anyone describes their children, and her lovely words just reminds us of that.
Thanks so much for sharing this beautiful piece with us on #SHINEbloghop today. We’re so happy you were able to join us this week.
Beth
December 6, 2015 at 4:10 pmThank you Maria. I enjoyed sharing my journey with you.
Akaleistar
December 3, 2015 at 9:24 pmWhat a beautiful post! That answer is the best 🙂
Beth
December 6, 2015 at 4:37 pmThank you so much! It certainly said everything I needed it to! Thanks for reading!
Kristi
December 6, 2015 at 6:44 pmHi! I found your link up at Time Warp Wife. Thank you so much for sharing this! My husband and I have been married for close to 9 years, and have been unable to conceive. We just finished the foster care process and got our final approval as an “open” house. We hope to one day adopt, and we’ve had many “uneasy” questions already thrown our way. This was a beautiful reminder of how to answer… Tell Beth thank you for sharing her story!
Kristi @ http://www.kristisaidit.com
Beth
December 6, 2015 at 9:56 pmKristi,it sounds like you have quite a journey in front of you. Keep your heart focused on what matters and do your best to navigate the questions that come your way. Most people have good intentions. I found that sometimes the best response is, “we so appreciate your interest in our family, but that information is something we have chosen to keep between the two of us for now. ” Most people understand that. And some…well let’s just say…are persistent. I wish you the best as you embark on this new stage of your life. Thanks for reading my story.
Kristin Taylor
December 7, 2015 at 8:52 pmYes, yes, yes. I’m a momma because we adopted three times (actually the third will be final this week!) after a hard season of infertility. It’s been hard and mind-boggling. It’s involved waiting and believing. But I wouldn’t change a single thing. I’m so glad to hear some of your story, Beth.
Lux
December 10, 2015 at 2:10 amThis is really beautiful. Yes, children are priceless. They’re gifts. 🙂
Rebecca
December 16, 2015 at 6:25 pmWhat a beautiful story and I enjoyed reading it. She definitely is priceless and a wonderful gift from God. Adoption is such a beautiful thing even though it can be difficult at time and very costly but looking at the end result it is all worth it!
Rebecca