Have you ever been stuck in a season you feel so far from God it’s hard to remember the faith and relationship you once cherished? Are you there now?
I get it. I’m just now recovering from one of those long, dark life chapters. This crisis happened to coincide with the last time I was in this online space, around January.
I’ve missed sharing my life with you. I just couldn’t clear my mind enough to write about anything else but the crisis we were going through, but that story is not mine to tell.
If you’ve visited me before, you know I’m incredibly open about my struggles—depression, anxiety, food addiction… However, this is the journey of someone I love and I must respect their privacy.
So without breaking that confidence, here’s the part about me, our God who fights for us, and how I’m finding my way back to Him.
It seems whenever life starts gliding along too smoothly, our most difficult tragedies come out of nowhere and knock us to our knees. Maybe this is what God expected from me, but I wasn’t having it. Instead I turned to all my old comforts—food, Netflix binges, isolation…
As always, regardless of my facade of self-reliance, He fought for me. Not in big sweeping miraculous ways, but tiny whispers bringing me home to Him slowly, day after day, turning into month after month.
We want things to resolve in our time, quickly and as pain free as possible. His time can take FOREVER. Can you relate?
When our crisis first hit many months ago, this person I love so dearly told me they could no longer believe in a God that let them hurt so deeply and for so incredibly long. I wanted to respond with the perfect verse, let them know how much He loved them, and explain all of this would have a purpose someday.
I did none of those things. First, because I know from my own experience of not wanting to hear those words in the midst of my biggest struggles. But even more important, I had the same exact doubts of how there could be a God who could allow such pain to someone so amazing, giving, loving, and deserving of a happy life.
These doubts have plagued me before as they have all of us at some time or another. I still don’t have the answer to why these things happen and unfortunately we probably never will in this life.
Here’s what I do know. Even when we wrestle with questions about Him, He never leaves our side. Remember those whispers mentioned earlier?
As I sobbed in isolation so many times over the past several months, I never felt alone. There was always this presence, far and distant in the beginning, but as close as a hand on my shoulder in more recent weeks. His whispers.
I’ve watched the sparkle return to the eyes of this person I love so completely, from just a tiny dot to precious moments of blinding light. His light, His whispers.
My Bible app has started my mornings for a 33-day streak. I went from not being able to look at a verse in the beginning of this year to reading them with a great many doubts a few times a week to absorbing His word and believing those promises daily for over a month now. His whispers…
If you are in a season where God feels far too distant, please listen for the whispers. They can be intensely quiet and so hard to hear you will probably want to give up, but know this. His whispers are there and if you listen long enough, they will turn into roars.
“For I am the Lord your God,
who stirs up the sea so that its waves roar—
the Lord Almighty is his name.”
-Isaiah 51:15
He can do all things. I know this is easier for me to say on this side of my dark circumstances. That is not at all lost on me.
We are not out of the woods. Things are still really hard and messy around here. But I’m taking that chain of whispers and returning to conversations with God. I’m writing these words to give you hope this is possible.
Silence → whispers → conversation → relationship.
Wherever you stand today on your faith journey, we all know it can be a roller coaster. Don’t give up. Thankfully the mountain tops can usually sustain us through the deserts.
I think the waiting is the hardest part for me. His timing, not mine, can be soul crushing. But here’s something huge I’m learning—in that waiting and the stillness it so often requires is when He fights for us the most.
“The Lord will fight for you;
you need only to be still.”
-Exodus 14:14
I’m so glad to be back with you today. If you’re new here, subscribe to the free newsletter so we can do life together.
How do you stay connected to God when He feels miles away? I would love to chat with you in the comments.
Hi Candace, thank you for your honesty. It is true we all wrestle with where God is or if He is. I am thanking Him now for the new life He has planted in the midst of this season. I am thanking Him now for His presence in your life. If ever you need prayer, please don’t hesitate to email me at [email protected]. In Christ, Julie
Thanks so much for your sweet offer of prayer, Julie. It’s definitely been a rough season as we all have to go through some time or another. I’m thrilled to be coming into a much better place every day :).
“Silence → whispers → conversation → relationship.” <– YES! This!
We have had a long, hard season and are starting to come out on the other side… we can so relate to this post! And yet… we know and have tasted and seen– God is good… even when, and even though…! Happy to be Link Up neighbors!
Welcome back!
Even when, and even though… So very true. Thanks for that beautiful reminder, Karrilee.
Oh sweet, friend! My heart hurts for your hurting heart. Waiting is incredibly hard and even more so when it feels like the ground got pulled out from under you. I am rejoicing that you felt God’s presence throughout in the little whispers He left along the way. I am also loving how you are able to share your journey and how God has made a difference in your life. Much love!
Much love to you, my friend. I’m so glad to finally be back in this space. I’ve missed you!
I’m so, so sorry for your pain, Candace. And for the pain of your loved one. My heart aches for you. I don’t know why I didn’t see this post in my inbox, so I resubscribed just in case. It told me I am already subscribed. It may be it inadvertently got deleted. Anyway, God wanted me to read it today. I saw the title below your comment at Mary’s blog. These lines especially jump out at me – “His timing, not mine, can be soul crushing. But here’s something huge I’m learning—in that waiting and the stillness it so often requires is when He fights for us the most.” I can identify with that soul crushing. It is so encouraging to me to be reminded that it is in those moments and in that waiting that God fights for us the most. Thank you so much for sharing so vulnerably and for encouraging me today! Love and blessings of continued whispers and strength to you!
Hi Trudy! I was so glad to see you’re still sharing your words with the world. I go on these crazy long breaks and am always afraid when I return, my favorite people will be gone. I’m thankful this encouraged you today and to finally reconnect after my time away.
Such a sweet encouragement today. Visiting you from the tell His story link up. laurensparks.net
Thanks, Lauren! It’s great to have you here :).
Oh, sweet friend, I have missed you. And NOW I understand where you’ve been…
I am so sorry for this person you love has gone through so much suffering. I understand the pain and questioning WHY? I understand those drylands of faith too. And in time, precious time, we heed His (whispers) call to land once again in His arms. They are always stretched out to us and doubt they are even there.
Thank you for your transparency, your beautiful encouragement, and your return to this space. You are a gift and God will do great things through you- I’m sure of that.
And… CORRECT version. (I should have checked for errors!)
Oh, sweet friend, I have missed you. And NOW I understand where you’ve been…
I am so sorry this person you love has gone through so much suffering. I understand the pain and questioning WHY? I understand those drylands of faith too. And in time, precious time, we heed His (whispers) call to land once again in His arms. They are always stretched out to us even when we doubt they are even there.
Thank you for your transparency, your beautiful encouragement, and your return to this space. You are a gift and God will do great things through you- I’m sure of that.
You are too funny, my friend! I’ve missed you too and am thrilled to reconnect after my time away. I hope to be more consistent in the upcoming months. You are so good at that and are always at the top of my list to visit after one of my many breaks ;).
I love that you’ve reconnected with us even and especially in the midst of sorrow and disappointment and pain. I hope it’s been encouraging for you to share a bit with us again.
You’ve been missed, you are loved, Candace …
Thanks so much, Linda. It’s great to be back and sharing my life in this space again. I always forget how incredibly therapeutic writing is for me!
This is a beautiful post, Candace! It is so encouraging that even in those times of pain and sorrow, when God seems far away, we can often see those little signs of him drawing us close and reminding us that he is with us.
Little signs is such a perfect description, Lesley. So often I’m looking for a billboard but that’s just not how He usually speaks to us :). Thanks for being here!