We all have moments we never forget. The ones that split life cleanly into before and after.
Mine happened 27 years ago. And everything I am today grew out of what God did in that moment.
I started drinking at 13. I want to say that slowly so it lands the way it should — thirteen years old, reaching for something to numb a pain I didn’t have words for yet. Alcohol worked immediately, completely, and that was the problem. I became an addict the moment it touched my lips.
When alcohol stopped being enough, I found other things. Drugs filled in the gaps alcohol left, and for seventeen years I lived inside that fog — missing birthdays, hiding from family, doing things I’m still not proud of and never will be. There were moments so dark I don’t know how I made it through them.
Except I do know. God was there even when I couldn’t see Him.
I was not living. I was surviving in the worst possible way, and the people who loved me most were paying the price.
The death of my daughter’s father was the moment everything cracked open. I looked at my little girl and understood with complete clarity that she deserved a mother who was present, sober, and fighting for her. Not the hollow, foggy version of me she had been getting.
So I stopped. By God’s grace, I stopped.
My daughter and me. Our matching tattoos say “I Hope You Dance” — our song — with a mother and daughter silhouette and daisies, our favorite flower. She’s the reason I got sober and the reason I never went back.
That was over 27 years ago now. I have not had a drink or a drug since.
I don’t say that to sound impressive. I say it because I want you to know that whatever you are carrying right now, whatever has its grip on you, there is a way out. I am living proof that God can pull someone back from the absolute edge and rebuild them into something new.
But here’s the part nobody warned me about.
Getting sober doesn’t mean the addiction is gone. It means you’ve removed one substance. The ache underneath it, the one that sent you reaching in the first place, that’s still there, waiting.
For me, it found food.
I didn’t even see it happening at first. I was so proud of my sobriety, so focused on staying sober, that I didn’t notice food quietly taking over the role alcohol used to play.
Comfort. Numbness. Reward. Escape. I was using it for everything except what it was actually for — nourishment.
Sugar in particular had a grip on me that felt uncomfortably familiar. The way one bite could turn into a binge. The guilt afterward. The promises to myself that tomorrow would be different. I had been here before, just with a different substance.
Lysa TerKeurst puts it so clearly in Made to Crave, a book I return to again and again:
“We were made for more… We need a power beyond our frail attempts and fragile resolve.”
That is the truest thing I have read about addiction in any form. My frail attempts had gotten me nowhere. I needed His power.
I still do.
I want to be honest with you here, the way I’ve always tried to be honest on this blog: food is still my battle. Twenty-seven years sober from drugs and alcohol, and sugar can still bring me to my knees.
This is not a story of someone who has arrived. These words are from someone who keeps getting back up, keeps returning to God, and keeps believing that healing is possible because she has already seen Him do the impossible once.
If you came here because you’re fighting something — food, alcohol, drugs, or the quieter addictions like control or perfectionism or people-pleasing — I want you to know this space was built for you. Not to preach at you. Not to hand you a perfect plan. But to walk alongside you.
I have fought the good fight,
I have finished the race,
I have kept the faith.
-2 Timothy 4:7
That verse is my goal. Not arrival — faithfulness. Showing up. Keeping going.
That’s all He asks of us.
If you’re ready to take one small step today, my food addiction journey continues in Turning to Food: An Addict’s Journey where I share what I’ve learned, what helps, and the grace-first approach that keeps bringing me back when I fall.
You found your way here for a reason.
Maybe you’re tired of going through the motions. Maybe you just need permission to pause and breathe. Either way, I’m glad you’re here.
The Daily Soul Check-In is a simple, four-step practice I created for exactly this moment — when you know something needs to shift but you’re not sure where to start. It takes just a few minutes and helps you release what’s heavy, reconnect with God, and find your footing again.
It’s free. It’s gentle. And it might be exactly what your soul needs today.
You are an inspiration, Candace! It is my hope and prayer that someone else who is struggling may see your light and realize they, too, can change their lives. Rock on! :O)
Thank you so much, LuAnn! That is my hope and prayer for this blog as well. My deepest desire is to reach those still struggling.
Thank you, once again, for such great message Candace! Overcomer, by Mandisa has been a “theme song” for my life ever since I heard it for the first time…it speaks truth to all, the truth of God’s love and power. It is by His power that we overcome. Jesus has overcome the world, so by His power, we become overcomers as well. I praise God everyday for providing inspiration to musicians and writers so we can benefit from their God-inspired ministry and be able to learn how to breathe again! You are, indeed, an overcomer. And as you well said, there is much more to life…He wants to give you life in abundance! He wants to give you all of His riches! so you can live a full life in Him as you do it all for Him. As you shift your focus from yourself to Him, things begin to happen : ). Blessings to you always as you bless us who have the privilege of reading your meditations. Hugs
I love that song and am thrilled it was recognized this week with a Grammy! The singer, Mandisa, is doing the online Bible study, Made to Crave, with us. Thank you for your always encouraging words, Gisela! Blessings and hugs to you, my friend!
Candace, love that you shared about your daughter needing the best possible mother! I have always felt this way about our son, who is now 24. He, your daughter, and all children, deserve the best parents, role-models we can give them! We are all made for MORE! Thank you for sharing this word from your heart for today.
They absolutely deserve us at our best, Mary! My daughter is now 20, and I can’t even imagine the different life she would have lived had I not found sobriety. I feel very blessed! Always great to see you here!
Thank you for your open and honest story for us. You are made for more and by sharing others will see they are too! Our kids are a gift from above and God would not give them to us if he did not want us to be the best for them. Thank you for the reminder!
I certainly hope others will see they are made for more too, Mary! My children are an incredible gift from God, and I want to make sure He knows how much I appreciate them. So good to see you. I hope you are enjoying the study :).
Really no words can express what this means to my heart. Just the words we need in this world. As it says in Made to Crave, you were made for more and GOD continued that work as you were obedient to him!! Thank you again for sharing your heart with us. GOD bless you in a mighty way today!!
Thank you so much for your sweet comment, Laura! I think our obedience pays off in amazing ways. Blessings to you as well!
You never cease to amaze me Candace! Your words are always so well written. You are such an inspiration to a lot of people & don’t ever forget that. You know when you say you’ll never forget where you came from, I don’t think we should forget because it just reminds us how great God is & what He is capable of! Thank you so much for sharing with us & being so open & honest!
I completely agree that by not forgetting about those times in our lives, we are keeping the memory of Him saving us alive! I always love your visits, Tonya :). Thank you!
Great share xoxo
Thanks, Mari! It’s always great to see you :).
I love it every time I read one of your blogs! Whether it is one of your creations or part of your life and heart that you are sharing, you are such an inspiration. Thanks again for a wonderful blog. 🙂
Thank you for your continued encouragement, Kim! You are so thoughtful and supportive, and I’m really glad to have connected with you. I was happy to see you in the blog hop this week :)! I always love the scriptures you lead me to.
As always absolutely amazing!!
Hi Camille! Thanks so much, my friend! It is a tough topic, but one I need to continue to share.
Hi there! Stopping by from the Blog Hop! Now following and would love if you’d consider following back 🙂
Bel
Hi Bel, Thanks for connecting! I’m looking forward to checking out your blog :).
I chose your blog to read because it was number 36 and that is my age- so thankful I did! I come from a family of alcoholism, my mom actually is and we don’t speak, but I always love reading about others who have overcome addiction. And I had not watched the video yet of Overcomer, wow. Definitely made me cry! Thank you for sharing!
I’m so thankful that number led you to me, Shannon! It is hard to deal with family members who are still in the grip of addiction. I’m sorry to hear your mom is still struggling with alcoholism. I know that must be horrible for you. The video is great! Glad you enjoyed it! I hope to see you again :).
Great blog! Such an inspiration and hope to others!
Thank you, Sonja! It is my greatest desire that others can find both inspiration and hope here!
Candace – Thank you for sharing your story. It is really inspiring and helps us all keep our eyes on Christ (not to mention stay #determined!!) I appreciate learning more about you along this journey. God bless! ~
Miriam
I have our word- determined- on my refrigerator. Last night, I was complaining about something and my son told me to look at my word for the week on the refrigerator. It really helped me refocus. Seeing you mention our word made me remember that story :). Thank you for visiting, Miriam!
What encouragement! I have some issues with food.
So many of us have food issues, Tami! It is the toughest addiction to conquer in my opinion. I think because it is so acceptable. I hope you are able to look around here and find some encouragement. Check out my 31 days series on food addiction in the sidebar if you have the time.
Thank you for sharing so honestly. I love the part in Joseph’s story when he tells his brothers that what they meant for harm God had not just turned to good but had saved many lives because of all of it. I have no doubt that He is doing and has done the same for you.
Thank you for reminding me of that story, Elizabeth! That was a great, incredibly important moment for Joseph. I do believe all that I suffered was to bring me to a place to help others. I hope much good will come from my past.
Hi candy, I am always amazed by your strength and growth on your walk of life. You have a strong group of followers with your blog, your serving God well
Thank you for your sweet encouragement, Camii! I hope all is well with you and your new job. I’m so thankful for the wonderful people I have met through my blog, including you, my friend :).
Candace, your such an inspiration and have such a way with words. Thanks for sharing your story. I’m sure God has used you in the past and will continue as you tell your story. Your sister in Christ.
It is wonderful to be able to finally use the pain of my past in such a positive way. I feel very blessed to be where I am today. Thanks so much for encouraging me, Dar!
Thank you for your bravery in sharing all that you have been through. I seriously pray that God would continue to use you to encourage others with your testimony. Keep on being brave and unabashedly honest!
Hi Judith! Thank you for your prayers. They really mean so much to me. I hope He will continue to use me as well. Even if I encourage one person out there suffering, it will all be worth it :)!
Fantastic post!!
Thanks for linking up to this month’s Share the Love Blog hop.
Natasha
Thank you, Natasha! I was glad to find your blog hop and am happy to be a part of it this month.
Dear Candace, Thank you for this post! ….drowning…I can SOOO relate! I appreciate your transparency – you are such an encouragement. Blessings! Julie
Thank you for your sweet comment, Julie! This was an emotional post for me to write. I’m so glad you found some encouragement in it :).
My goodness, I needed this today. So tired of fighting this fight with insecurity, and to be honest, I see no end in sight. I keep falling back into believing the lies. But I can’t give up! I have to fight til the end! <3
That is a hard battle to fight, Katie! A Confident Heart by Renee Swope is a great resource for the struggle of insecurity. We read it in my last online bible study with Proverbs 31. Don’t give up! Keep the faith :)!
Hi Candace! I love your testimony and ooooh do we have a lot in common 🙂 I’ve been clean and sober for 30 years in May! God has been sooo amazingly good to me and I am so blessed. I am so proud of you for breaking the addiction cycle and although many can say that I KNOW just how hard this can be with all the behaviors that come along with it. You are a God ROCKSTAR! I love the song Overcomer too. I pray God would bless you beyond what you can think or imagine as you continue to walk the wonderful (but not easy 🙂 Life that He has for you! Blessings!
30 years!! I’m impressed, Shari Lynne! You give me hope. Thanks so much for your prayer and encouragement. Blessings to you!!
Definitely by God’s amazing grace Candice 🙂 Blessings!!
Coming from a long family line of alcohol and drug abuse your post makes for familiar reading. Even though I have not abused substances, I craved other things at one time like control, perfection and love in all the wrong places like many other Adult Children of Alcoholics. And it is only in my heart finding rest in my Father’s heart that these things are overcome. Please join me in prayer for a very close family member who is addicted to heroin. Thanks, Candace. So happy to have found your blog today. Blessings…
Joining you in prayer, Sheila! Heroin is an incredibly addictive drug. I’m so happy you found me today as well. I think we all have something we are addicted to- alcohol, perfection… Seeking God first is the only way I believe we can truly overcome. I’m glad you were successful in doing that. Hope to see you again :)!
I found my way to your site through the featured post on Fellowship Fridays. I too am an addict, but not alcohol. I was brought to my knees 10 years ago last month and started recovery for my addictive behaviors. I am so grateful that God has turned my failure into victory and uses it for His Glory, most notably through serving in Celebrate Recovery and blogging (my 12th step). I also launched a blog for the ministry this year, https://celebraterecoveryontheplateau.org/blog/. God uses it all. Thanks for using your pain to bring Him Glory.
I have been wanting to check out Celebrate Recovery for awhile. It seems like a great program. I’ll definitely visit your blog, Ardis! I think writing about our stories can be wonderful ministries. You are absolutely correct- “God uses it all.”