Most of my life, I looked at church goers with great intrigue. I wasn’t sure about the existence of this ultimate being they called God, but I couldn’t help but wonder about the club they seemed to belong to.
As I got older and became a mother, I wanted my children to be a part of this society I had questioned for so many years. Just in case. Just in case they were right about someone being in charge of all this. Just in case they were right about forgiveness of our inevitable sins. Just in case there was truth to the concept of eternal life…
I can’t say I was consistent with church, by any means. We went to services every now and then, but it was for all the wrong reasons. I didn’t really understand about having a real relationship with God yet.
After my daughter’s father died and I remarried, my husband belonged to a church that was wholeheartedly wrapped up in attendance. My husband so perfectly describes it as “getting your ticky marks for the week.” Three a week. Every week. If the doors were open, they were sitting in a perfect row across one of the beautiful old, worn wooden pews.
I tried this approach. We walked through the doors as often as we could. I listened intently to each sermon, hoping to find God. However, at that time, I believed God to be a religion. One of the many I had looked into throughout my earlier years.
So, as I listened to the preacher stand in the front of the room and share all of the things that would lead us to Hell, most of which I had already done in my darkened past, I found discouragement, not God.
I love how Pastor Derwin Gray explains the difference of living for God versus from Him in his book Limitless Life:
“Many Christ-followers try to live for God’s acceptance, love, and blessings instead of living from God’s love, acceptance, and blessings to us based on Jesus’ accomplishments for us.”
That is how I was living. For God. Showing up as a warm body in the church building, never fully accepting the incredible love and forgiveness freely offered to me.
As Jesus so eloquently stated on the day of his incredible sacrifice, “It is finished.” (John 19:30)
We don’t have to beg for this amazing gift of Grace. We just have to accept it.
Pastor Gray goes on to share:
“And here’s the beauty of grace: when your heart is overrun by the gospel of grace and you realize that your failures and sins do not prevent God from seeing you as righteous, then you will not want to act in unrighteous ways.”
There is so much truth in his statement. Now I want to do things like read my Bible, become a part of a church, and spend time alone with God. Not from a sense of duty or obligation, but from an absolute desire in my heart. I truly want a relationship with Him.
We aren’t the best about church attendance these days. After years of church shopping, we finally found one we agree on, but we are not there every week. I see my absence differently today. I see it as my loss, not His. God is not putting “ticky marks” on my permanent record, but I am missing out on building a stronger relationship with Him, learning more about Him.
That is why I go to church services today, to grow, learn, and be a part of a loving group of like-minded believers. Today, I live from Him…
Oh like I said your blog is always sure to be a blessing! I am so grateful that like you I realized in could have true relationship with God rather than just going to church & saying I’m a christian. Which for many years is just what I did! Thank you so much for being such a blessing!
I apologize for taking so long to reply, but my internet has been in and out this week :). Thank you so much for your always sweet encouragement and love, Tonya! You are a blessing to my life as well, my friend!
Amazing grace, right? The difference between knowing about God and actually knowing God is what opens up your eyes and you really see that grace is daily and everywhere.
~peace,
LuAnne
Absolutely, LuAnne! I couldn’t agree with you more :). It is a beautiful place to be when we finally open our eyes to “actually knowing God.”
Another great read. Thank you for sharing your story. Ephesians 2:8-9 is one of my favorite verses. I too was tired of being religious, you can only do it for awhile. However, when you know that you are covered by grace, living the life for Christ makes sense, following Him and obeying Him makes sense. It’s like having a love relationship, you don’t want to hurt the one you love but when you do, it’s okay, we pick ourselves up, ask for forgiveness and move forward. Stay blessed!
That is a perfect analogy, Sabrina! So very true. I love the fact we can “ask for forgiveness and move forward” with God just like any other relationship we are in. He is still going to adore and fight for us :). Blessings to you as well!
Again, your story is so parallel with mine. The problem with church in my limited experience is there are so many people trying to act perfect. Where is the church full of broken people who have been rescued from the pit? Where are the Christians who are desperate for the Lord? I’m still looking, although I have found that fellowship in small groups.
Laura, the broken people are everywhere, even if they are appearing to be perfect. The people whose lives have been rittled with pit after pit, are everywhere. And, as for the Christians who are desperate for the Lord, if you look in the mirror, you will see the beautiful daughter of the Most High who desperately longs for your heart, as desperately as you are longing for Him. I have struggled with these issues, and continue to, but the one truth that seems to keep coming to mind, is that Jesus is in your heart and wants a personal relationship with you. As Christians, our greatest calling is to love one another. Maybe, just maybe, God is placing you in these circumstances because you are to be the light for the people who are not being a light for you. May God bless you in your journey to find the church home where you will be loved and accepted.
Candace, thank you for your transparency, and for opening up your heart to us. I am always eagerly anticipating your next post. I know it will bless me, cause me to grow, aad make me think deeply. I had never considered the difference between living for Him, and living because of Him. Shine on!
Thank you for your incredibly sweet encouragement, Staci! I loved Pastor Gray’s concept of living for God vs. from Him. It was so eye-opening to me. I’m so glad to hear you are finding growth and blessings here. It’s a pleasure to have you on this journey with me.
Hi Laura! I’m sorry for my delayed response- spotty internet this week. I have had better luck in small groups as well. We actually started going to one before even attending church services. It was at our son’s friend’s house. We really grew with these people and then decided to join them on Sundays as well at their church. As I said, we are not great about attendance, but we are pretty good about showing up for small group :). My husband and I have always called our Friday night group “our church.” There are churches out there for us broken people. Sometimes it just takes a lot of digging to find them.
I am so thankful that you figured out how to live FOR God! Thank you for being so honest and sharing your wonderful words with us! Your story touched me deeply, and I’m really eager to explore more of your blog and follow you!
Thank you, Jen! It’s so nice to meet you! I look forward to getting to know you better :).
Candace, I love your honesty. I know when I read your blog I will walk away feeling like I’ve been visiting with a friend. Thank you!
Thank you so much, Stela! What a beautiful complement that is. There is nothing I want more than for this place to be somewhere for all of us friends to just hang out and share our lives :)!
Candace thank you for sharing this. I too was na individual that was at church all the time and not really knowing God’s love and forgiveness. Now, I have changed. God is so awesome. God bless you and your family.
I’m so happy to hear you have found your way to truly knowing love and forgiveness, Kim! It changes every aspect of our lives. This is one of His greatest gifts to us, that beautiful personal relationship. Blessings to you and yours as well!
The church I grew up in is open and welcoming, but it is all about the “order” and “we have always done it THIS way”. I felt trapped in the church work I had been doing for years – it was definitely a “religious” experience. Hubby and I are still looking for a grace-filled church – I know God has a faith community for us – we just need to follow His leading.
Praying for you to find the “grace-filled church” you are searching for, Teressa! I know it can be a difficult journey. There are so many churches out there, all with their own special strengths and weaknesses. I know you will be led to where you are meant to be!
Candace,
I think so many people can relate to this post! Lately I have been thinking so much about grace, what it means, how Jesus extended to others and what it means for my life and those around me. It’s so much greater than I think I’ll ever truly realize. Thanks for sharing your story.
I think grace is a gift far greater than any of us will ever realize, Kendra. I completely agree with you. What Jesus did for us so we could live free is incomprehensible. We are truly blessed :)!
You’ve put many of my ideas and struggles into words. I grew up in a church that emphasized attendance and following rules. Now I feel like I’ve swung too far the other way, and question “enforcing” church attendance for myself and my family. But, I’m discovering, like you, that God wants us to respond to Him in love and gratitude. The things we sometimes think are rules, are really God’s way of bringing us closer to Him and His love, and are for OUR good, not to get our boxes ticked.
Coming to the realization that these things “are for OUR good” is life changing, Amy! I was a bit of a rebel growing up and didn’t conform well to rules. When I started going to church as an adult and heard all these things I was “supposed” to be doing, I was turned off. As I’ve grown in faith and understanding, I want to live the life God wants me to in order to have a deeper relationship with Him. This has made all the difference :).
Limitless Life sounds like an awesome book. I need to do a better job with church attendance too! Before having kids it was really easy to make it to church each week. However, after kids I felt like I was spending all my time in the nursery and I eventually just stopped going. We need to start attending church again. Because I feel like I’m more focused on my relationship with God when I’m going to church. However, I do read the Bible to my kids, but I want them to grow up in a supportive church.
It is an amazing book, Sonya! I highly recommend it. Reading the Bible to your kids is one of the best gifts you could give them. I agree with you on staying more focused on our relationship with God when we attend church more. I’m the same way, but it’s hard to get back in the habit when I don’t go a lot. That’s where we are right now too.
I love how you say, “I see my absence differently today. I see it as my loss, not His.” He doesn’t have a rule about how much we should go to church, but we miss out when we don’t assemble with other believers! So glad you found a group you can fellowship with.
Thank you, Tammy! It has been an incredible change of attitude for me to start looking at it that way. It’s surprising that by not stressing about going, I actually want to attend church services more :).
Have I told you lately that I LOVE your blog!!!!
; )
It never gets old, Susie :). Thanks for your continued support, my friend!