I have always been a doubter. I doubted my abilities. I doubted God was real. I doubted that I could ever be truly loved or escape the horrors of my past…
Needless to say, I was thrilled to find out the Proverbs 31 online Bible study was going to be on A Confident Heart by Renee Swope. A few years ago, I decided to stop doubting the possibility that God exists. I knew it was time for me to believe in Him, but something still was not quite right. Renee’s words resonated so deep with me this week:
“He’s led me beyond believing in Him to really believing Him
by relying on the power of His words and living like they are true
no matter what my feelings tell me.”
He has done this for me in a profound way over the past year. I not only believe in Him, but I completely and faithfully believe Him. When those doubts come back to haunt me, I look back on my life as Him working in me for a greater good. I no longer look at my past as wasted years. I know all of those experiences had to take place to make me who I am today. Believing He is in control and always has been has changed me deep in my soul.
As strongly as I believe He created the amazing sun and oceans,
I believe He can heal every deep, dark place in me.
The addictions I have struggled with throughout my lifetime have been overwhelming and incredibly destructive. When I was a child, it began with food. By the time I was 13, drugs and alcohol had taken over my life. I would remain fully engulfed in their destruction for the next 17 years…
When alcohol and drugs finally lost their grip on me, I turned back to food. For the last 14 years I have fought a losing battle with food issues, gaining and losing 80-100 pounds so many times I have lost count. Even after I started believing in Him, by not believing Him, there was no way to be successful.
Today, I wholeheartedly believe He can take this obsession with food from me, just as He removed even harsher addictions from my life all those years ago. He is the reason I have had the strength to avoid sugar, flour, and wheat for the last 17 days. He is the reason I haven’t felt the need to binge in even one of those 17 days. He is the reason I started 31 Days to Food Addiction Recovery and have managed to stick with it, unlike ALL of those programs I tried and failed at in the past.
I see now He has always been in control, even when I thought I was completely lost and alone. Each of those addictions opened my heart to help others struggling. They are the reason this blog was created. To serve in a way I never would have thought possible. I can relate to such a wide variety of people and understand every corner of their pain. Not as an outsider looking in, but an insider with total and complete understanding, love, and acceptance…
If you are struggling today with addiction or you love someone who is, please take some time to look around here. I hope you can find some comfort in my stories.