I failed. Again…
Over the last 11 years, I have gained and lost the same 80 pounds far too many times. I gained over 100 when I got pregnant with my son. I’m fairly certain by the time they are in 5th grade you can no longer label it “baby weight.”
After my 31 Days to Food Addiction Recovery series concluded, I thought I would take a couple of days off from my food plan. I would eat a little Halloween candy, have a few unrestrained meals out, and get right back on my program that I had so successfully followed for 31 days.
Here I sit, 13 days later feeling incredibly broken, unable to rein myself back in. It is as if I have been forever labeled a failure with red marker…
I completely agree with Renee Swope’s thoughts in A Confident Heart:
“The enemy will whisper to us that we ‘deserve’ that chocolate cake. He’ll remind us how we’ve had a stressful week and made so many sacrifices. He’ll then convince us that ‘surely one piece won’t hurt.’”
Well friends, he lied to me. That one piece of candy did hurt. It led to 13 days of complete gluttonous gorging on all things that clog our arteries. He persuaded me I had sacrificed for those 31 days and deserved a break. What I deserved was to continue my healthy lifestyle in order to feel up to serving God in the capacity He is so worthy of. Satan clearly does not want that happening. He wants us tired, weak, and our minds focused far away from the Spirit.
Those who live according to the flesh
have their minds set on what the flesh desires;
but those who live in accordance with the Spirit
have their minds set on what the Spirit desires.
My mind is set on food. It is my constant desire and companion. Somehow I must shift from my obsession of pleasing my flesh to living in the Spirit. It is possible. This I know. He brought me through those 31 days abstaining from sugar, flour, and wheat. I was already feeling healthier, happier, and whole.
I must allow myself forgiveness.
I can accept it from God and grace myself with it.
Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.
I am absolutely not condemned to a life of sugar-fueled days. I am not destined to years of exhaustion from my food choices and lack of exercise. I am not defined by the number I see on the scale every morning. I AM NOT a failure.
I am in Christ Jesus! Therefore, I can get back up, dust off those candy wrappers from my lap, and move forward with renewed hope and strength…