One of my biggest fears is my daughter’s fearlessness. She has a love of adrenaline surges. While I’ve known this for years, her announcement of a desire to skydive both shocked and deeply dismayed me.
This trait did not come from me. I fear everything. This need for new adventures she inherited from her father. A man she misses dearly and lets live on in these moments he would have certainly been standing, or in this case flying, by her side.
We lost her father 15 years ago. Exactly 15 years from last Saturday, the day she went skydiving. This anniversary date only added to my worry and distress as we packed up and headed north for her appointment.
When we finally arrived at the tiny airport, I was a wreck. Fear completely consumed me. I tried to hold it together to not upset my son or ruin my daughter’s excitement, but there were more than a few tears flowing behind my sunglass hidden eyes.
After several excruciating hours of waiting due to fog, she suited up and entered the loading area. I snapped a picture accidentally focusing on a sign instead of her. This sign was God’s beautiful way of speaking to me and allowing me to finally breathe again.
It was that moment, seeing the word landing, I knew everything would be okay. I had been so caught up in her flying, I forgot I could trust that she would eventually land.
I’m not the one who makes sure she lands on her feet. God is. He has always taken care of her. Even the times I thought I healed her boo-boos from a fall or her broken heart from a young boy, it was Him as the one in control, the ultimate healer. I’m just the nurturer.
That’s what scares me the most about her adventurous side, my lack of control. This revelation I never had control was liberating. I can trust God to make sure she lands. He has never let me down…
So, I smiled and breathed deep as I waved goodbye to my beautiful daughter, knowing I would soon see her again.
She flew around in the sky while my son and I chatted on the safe ground. He assured me that would never be him up there. I must say even with my newfound faithful trust about landing, I was still incredibly relieved by his plan to stay grounded.
And then, with a beaming smile on her face, she landed.
Oh that big beautiful smile stretched across her gorgeous face. It said so much. That day will happen again. I will stand in that little airport another time in the future and watch her come from the cloudy sky to the green grass hanging from a giant parachute.
But I will remember the parachute isn’t what’s holding her. God is.
And she may have company. My son. The one I was certain inherited my fear. The one who promised me he would never do this. As soon as he saw her excitement and utter joy, he changed his mind on the never part.
So, one day I might stand there watching both of my hearts float through the sky. And I will trust…
But blessed is the one who trusts in the Lord,
whose confidence is in him.
They will be like a tree planted by the water
that sends out its roots by the stream.
It does not fear when heat comes;
its leaves are always green.
It has no worries in a year of drought
and never fails to bear fruit.
~Jeremiah 17:7-8
Dear Candace ~ I am just sitting still with your story right about now. Soaking in all that you have shared. I am so sorry about this great loss in your family. And I sure do hear you about the fear. So much to take in … so much that our Heavenly Father understands.
But your daughter’s gorgeous smile, her joy, her exuberance? I can only rejoice, with you, at the brave beauty she is, inside and out.
Don’t you love when we learn from our kids?
;-}
She is so brave, Linda! I’m incredibly thankful for that part. It has served her well in many areas. Her joy was bursting and I couldn’t help but want to celebrate that. To see our children doing things that make them literally come alive is a beautiful thing. The loss of her father was huge. Thank you for your sympathy. These adventures keep him alive in a way for her and I must respect that.
I want to do it too. The little airport by our farm does this. Wanna do it with me? Let’s tackle some fears!
You are crazy, my friend! I would have a panic attack halfway up. I can promise you that. Even trusting God that I would eventually land doesn’t give me any desire to take that flight. I would be glad to go with you for love and support though :).
Oh, the choices our fledglings make are so heart-stopping, aren’t they? But the beauty of their moments is the lesson for us–you are so right–God is in control and we never really have been. It’s all though his grace that we are where we are and they are where they are.
They are “heart-stopping,” Anita! I completely agree. She is almost 21 now so I don’t have much of a say in what she does, which is how it should be, but sometimes I miss those days where I made her choices :). Thank God for grace and His control being so much better than ours.
I love the joy that you captured on her face in the pictures and I love the providence of the sign that directed you to hope in His sovereignty. 🙂 It is so easy to want to put everyone we love in a bubble so we can keep them safe, but it will hold them back. I was so afraid of the losing that I missed out on living for far too long. I don’t want my kids to inherit that. In his great grace and unending mercy He reveals new opportunities to find hope and know joy in the midst of the journey. Praise Him for that… for her safe landing! 🙂
I have praised Him often for safe landings since that day, Dawn :). I love where you said “it will hold them back.” That is exactly why I must support these adventures of hers. Each one offers more growth. They may scare me, but she gets braver each time. I know God is planning to use that incredible bravery someday and I’ll have to trust then too.
Wow! That us incredible that your daughter is pretty fearlesd. I’m a big chicken who would never be able to jump out of a plane. It is good that you were able to trust God to help her to land safely.
I’m a chicken too, Sonya. She tried to get me to do it with her, but there was no way. Thankfully, her friend did it with her. She is definitely fearless. That gene did not come from me :).
I just love her smile. And bless your heart. If one of my kids ever decide to jump out of a plane I pray I remember your words here. It would be one of those hard to trust moments even when I know who better to hand over control to. Thank you for sharing this moment with us, Candace. And the beginning of your post speaks to me on wanting to spend more time here . . . wanting to know you better, friend. Much love. xoxo
Oh that smile, Beth! It made the whole stressful day worth it. We love to see our kids pure joy. It’s always wonderful to have you here, spend as much time as you would like, my friend :). The peace you are able to have with your military men away incredibly impresses me. That takes a beautiful kind of faith! Much love to you!
Even knowing we have never had control, letting go is hard. Great job on releasing her and trusting!
It is so hard, Sarah! Some days are easier than others, but honestly, trust ebbs and flows with me. I am a worrier, so releasing is something I have to continually work on. Thanks for the encouragement!
Wow! Sounds like my daughter and son, except older! Maybe what I have to look forward to. Beautiful story, I love how God spoke to you!
I found you through Thoughtful Thursdays Linky!
Praying for your future, Jennifer :)! It’s tough to have adventurous kids especially if you are not that way at all, like me. It was so amazing how God gave me that sign. He always knows exactly what we need. Thanks for visiting from Thoughtful Thursdays!
I admire your daughter’s boldness! I would love to try skydiving too. 🙂 And yes, I think what we can hold on when fear for a loved one creeps in is that God loves them more than we can ever love them. He’ll always keep them safe.
Thanks, Lux! I admire her as well. I’m incredibly thankful He continues to keep her safe in these wild ventures of hers :).
So brave, Candace!!! I love this post, as I do all of your posts. And that your daughter did this on an anniversary date that just would make me a basket case, if it were me. You held it together, and you watched your daughter fly! I don’t even know if I could be so brave as to watch. Thank you for sharing. =0)
Thanks so much, Kim :). The date definitely added to my stress level a great deal. I was glad I didn’t have to watch her actually jump out. I saw her board the plane and my next view was her floating with the parachute already up. That was plenty for me!
Oh the beautiful lessons that come our way especially when we need them most. God knew your fear and reminded you in that moment that He was right by your side and your daughter’s. You are blessed with a beautiful daughter and son! What a glorious landing for all of you in this lesson all about flying! Happy weekend!
I hope you are having a wonderful holiday weekend, Mary! It was definitely a “glorious landing” for all involved. It is so amazing how He sends us these signs (literally :)) exactly when we need them.
This is wonderful, full assurance of God’s protection and provision is a true blessing!! Ps 40:4 blessed is the man who makes the Lord His trust who does not look to the proud, to those who turn aside to false gods.
Perfect verse, Valerie! Our assignment this week to look up trust and fear in our Bibles came at a great time for me :). Thanks so much for your encouragement!
Candace – I think I would be just as fearful as you watching any of my family skydive! I love how you used the “landing” sign to bring your focus back to the fact that God is in control! Thank you for sharing on the blog hop today!
It was definitely an unnerving experience, Deje! I must say, although I learned a lot, I’m glad it’s over and everyone is safe on the ground :).
Oh mama do I get you!!! I would have been terrified! But you did it. You let go and let God. That is huge, and it shows in your precious daughter’s face! Look at the JOY beaming from her and the amazing experience she was able to enjoy!
Oh, how fearful I can be too. And my heart breaks for you losing her father so early. I wonder if the story is on your blog. I am praying for you and your family and I can see God revealed in who you are. THAT is your testimony, and I am blessed to be witness to it.
It was a tragic loss, Chris. The story is in bits and pieces throughout my blog. He died of complications with diabetes which my daughter was diagnosed with shortly after his death. It has been a long, difficult road at times. We are very blessed though. I married again and he is an amazing father to her. One of the main reasons I fight to find peace in her adventures is seeing her dad live on through her. It is very touching and incredibly important to both of us.
I had that same problem with my son growing up – well probably my daughter too. He played football – off to the field he would go and I would cringe. My daughter liked those rides too and my son and I would watch her get on those big roller coasters at 6 flags and she and her dad on the giant slide at a waterpark and there I was at the bottom scared. Beautiful reminder of that landing lesson.
Her love of roller coasters makes me a nervous wreck sometimes too, Debbie :). I used to love riding them but as I aged, vertigo and anxiety increased greatly. There are so many ways our kids can get hurt. I have finally learned trusting God is the only way to handle it all.
What a lovely post. I think both of you showed incredible bravery. One pushed her fears aside and flew and the other one did the same so that her daughter could soar.
Thank you, Jen! What a beautiful, insightful comment. I think her bravery is wonderful in certain situations, but I have to take the scary aspects of it with the parts I love :).