One of my biggest fears is my daughter’s fearlessness. She has a love of adrenaline surges. While I’ve known this for years, her announcement of a desire to skydive both shocked and deeply dismayed me.
This trait did not come from me. I fear everything. This need for new adventures she inherited from her father. A man she misses dearly and lets live on in these moments he would have certainly been standing, or in this case flying, by her side.
We lost her father 15 years ago. Exactly 15 years from last Saturday, the day she went skydiving. This anniversary date only added to my worry and distress as we packed up and headed north for her appointment.
When we finally arrived at the tiny airport, I was a wreck. Fear completely consumed me. I tried to hold it together to not upset my son or ruin my daughter’s excitement, but there were more than a few tears flowing behind my sunglass hidden eyes.
After several excruciating hours of waiting due to fog, she suited up and entered the loading area. I snapped a picture accidentally focusing on a sign instead of her. This sign was God’s beautiful way of speaking to me and allowing me to finally breathe again.
It was that moment, seeing the word landing, I knew everything would be okay. I had been so caught up in her flying, I forgot I could trust that she would eventually land.
I’m not the one who makes sure she lands on her feet. God is. He has always taken care of her. Even the times I thought I healed her boo-boos from a fall or her broken heart from a young boy, it was Him as the one in control, the ultimate healer. I’m just the nurturer.
That’s what scares me the most about her adventurous side, my lack of control. This revelation I never had control was liberating. I can trust God to make sure she lands. He has never let me down…
So, I smiled and breathed deep as I waved goodbye to my beautiful daughter, knowing I would soon see her again.
She flew around in the sky while my son and I chatted on the safe ground. He assured me that would never be him up there. I must say even with my newfound faithful trust about landing, I was still incredibly relieved by his plan to stay grounded.
And then, with a beaming smile on her face, she landed.
Oh that big beautiful smile stretched across her gorgeous face. It said so much. That day will happen again. I will stand in that little airport another time in the future and watch her come from the cloudy sky to the green grass hanging from a giant parachute.
But I will remember the parachute isn’t what’s holding her. God is.
And she may have company. My son. The one I was certain inherited my fear. The one who promised me he would never do this. As soon as he saw her excitement and utter joy, he changed his mind on the never part.
So, one day I might stand there watching both of my hearts float through the sky. And I will trust…
But blessed is the one who trusts in the Lord,
whose confidence is in him.
They will be like a tree planted by the water
that sends out its roots by the stream.
It does not fear when heat comes;
its leaves are always green.
It has no worries in a year of drought
and never fails to bear fruit.