A few months ago, I sifted through some old boxes of toys from my daughter’s childhood. I was mourning her moving out and wanted to recapture younger days. Instead of getting lost in her memories, I was transported back to a time in my own childhood.
I came across a small car that belonged to a family I once knew, the Lundbys. They were a typical American family. However they had many dark, ugly secrets, and they lived in my 3-story wooden dollhouse.
Since the Lundbys were dolls and unable to make basic decisions for themselves, I was fully in charge of their daily activities and conversations. This made me feel so incredibly powerful, something I had very little of in real life.
Being raised in an alcoholic household can make a child powerless, scared, and alone. I combatted this by escaping into the world of the Lundbys. They were my people, the ones I could force to act how I saw fit.
Unfortunately, as a broken little girl, the way I saw fit got pretty twisted at times. I decided to make them broken too, in more ways than one.
Mr. and Mrs. Lundby constantly fought, just like in my world. In their marriage though, Mrs. Lundby had the upper hand, and let me tell you, she used it. The third story window of their oversized home was completely broken out from the many times poor Mr. Lundby took a tumble, often pushed, out of it.
He was missing a leg although I can’t recall exactly how that happened. The plastic, bendable leg would definitely not come off from those simple daily falls. Perhaps I removed it another, more sinister way. Regardless, I obviously could have used some long, desperate therapy sessions already at that young, innocent age.
Grandma Lundby lived in a closet, as I suppose at the time, I wished my real life one could have been locked away in. She didn’t come out much. No one in the family really spoke to her.
What shocked me about those few months ago as I sat in the floor of my basement reliving the Lundbys brief existence, was how vividly I recalled Mr. and Grandma Lundby. The others have no details in my mind. I couldn’t tell you what color Mrs. Lundby’s hair was or if there were 2 sisters just like in my own family.
Mr. Lundby had painted on, slicked back brown hair. He wore a yellow shirt and jeans that hung free on one side from his missing leg. His face carried a constantly angry look.
Grandma’s grey plastic bun pulled tightly to the far back of her head. She couldn’t even lay down flat on her closet floor because it stuck out so far. An oddly happy floral dress adorned her little elderly body.
I remember those 2 family members in detail, which made me reflect on how that is possible. Why can I only see the darkness? Here’s the answer: the Lundbys had no light. This kept me trapped in memories of their darkest characters.
There is a key difference in the Lundbys home, my childhood home, and the happy, healthy one I reside in today with my husband and children. Jesus was not invited into the first 2. No one ever mentioned His name, discussed His beautiful sacrificial life, or taught their children about grace and forgiveness.
He lives in my home today. He is my home today. My husband and I teach our children about and show them unconditional love.
Jesus is helping me every day to move past the broken Lundbys and those dark days of my childhood. He is teaching me to let the light burn brighter. Putting Christ first in our lives and trying to live a life according to the beauty of the Bible makes all the difference.
My husband and I show each other true love and respect. He works hard on our life together, unlike Mr. Lundby and my own father, and in return, I don’t throw him out of third story windows…
Great post Candace, and what an awesome in the face retro photo!!! haha. Happy Easter and God Bless!! – http://www.domesticgeekgirl.com
Thanks, Gingi! I couldn’t resist the retro frame to wrap around little Candace :). It was just too perfect. I hope you had a blessed Easter as well, my friend!
So glad you’re not throwing men out the window anymore! I too had a little doll family and a doll house. I can totally relate to enjoying the power I had over that family. I’m so glad you have the light in your home now. May it continue to grow brighter and brighter!
I’m so thankful to have grown into a functioning member of society, Amy! I think so many of us used our barbies, dollhouse families, etc. to deal with our circumstances of those days. That power was much needed back then. The light of Christ has truly made all the difference today :).
Sweet Friend,
Thank you for sharing this intimate portrait from you youth. Praise be to God for shedding light on the dark recesses of our hearts. Praise be to our Abba Father who loves with an everlasting love. Praise Him you’ve been set free!
He really does bring freedom. I’m so blessed today, Tyra. Thank you for your always beautiful encouragement, my friend!
Oh Candace… what a heart wrenching stroll down memory lane. I can only imagine how hard it was to grow up in those circumstances, and your play time reflects so vividly the pain and anger of an innocent child in the throes of a horrible situation. I hate that you had to suffer through those years… and I’m just SO grateful Christ entered into your broken heart and battled life to sine His Light into your home!!
What a powerful testimony to how God can make new, a heart that is broken and a history that is full of anguish and hurt. I understand all too well, from my own battlefield from where I came- the healing light of our Savior and the redemption of tainted memories.
It’s truly breathtaking how far He can bring us when we open our eyes to Him. We really do walk though “battlefields” throughout our lives, my friend. Our testimonies are made up of the good and bad. It’s all a necessary part of life and salvation. Thanks for your support, Chris! I’m so glad to have you in my life today :).
Beautiful message. I just love this post…brought me to tears, Candace.
Thank you and Happy Easter….
Thank you, Chris! Sorry to make you cry, my friend ;). I hope you had a wonderful Easter.
Oh my. I’m so sad for the pain that little Candace lived with all those years back. And so grateful for the redemption that has taken place in your broken heart and home.
This tender piece I am taking with me, friend. You have given us a beautiful offering today, one that will not easily be forgotten.
Hugs …
Hugs to you, Linda! All of the pain in my life definitely served a purpose. Although I didn’t know it then, it happened so I could share my testimony today with others and hopefully help them find freedom as well. Much love to you, my friend!
So sad and beautiful at the same time. Thanks for sharing Candace, although I’m sure it wasn’t easy. So true about inviting Jesus into our homes and I like how you used your story, as difficult as it must have been, as an example. I remember when I worked in a day care and sometimes you could see things that must have been happening at home, especially with the way some girls played pretend with their dolls. It was sad and sometimes it would open the door to look into situations further. Blessings, my friend and thanks for sharing!
That must have been so difficult to see, Karla. I would really struggle not being able to intervene in a way I felt led to if I was concerned about a child. I’m glad it prompted further investigation, but I’m sure many times nothing could really be done. Blessings to you, my friend!
Such a heartbreaking story, but I’m glad the story has turned into a happy one and that no one is being thrown out of third story windows 🙂
I think my hubby is really glad about that too, Akaleistar ;). It’s been a long road home, but past darkness really makes the light of today so much brighter.
*LOL* I’m sure your husband is grateful for that. Jesus loved you the whole time, although I know it was hard to believe that maybe when you were younger. Think how happy He is now that you have a home where His love is shared!
I had to end with a laugh, LuAnn :)! I’m glad to finally realize today that He was always there with me, loving me and keeping me safe. Thanks for the encouragement, my friend.
Ok, I couldn’t help but laugh a little when you said you don’t throw your husband out of third story windows!! I’m so thankful that Jesus gives such incredible light and hope in our lives to bring us to love Him and one another 🙂 #RaRaLinkUp
I’m glad it made you laugh, Sarah! I wanted people to leave with a smile instead of sadness :). The light of Jesus truly changes everything. I’m very blessed today.
Thanks for sharing this Candance! I so remember childhood toys being used as an outlet/substitute in my life, too.
It’s amazing how even through our tiny-person imaginations the Lord helps us to grow and cope in difficult, dark circumstances. And definitely incredible what He can bring us out of and shape us into.
Thanking God for your sweet, honest, and reflective soul today! Much love from the #RaRaLinkup!
Thank you, Bethany! Much love to you as well. Toys can be such a coping mechanism. They help us process emotions and circumstances. God really does use everything :).
This was such a great post. Isn’t it scary to think about all the children that are growing up in households where Jesus isn’t welcome.
It is scary, Sonya! I have such a deep special place in my heart for foster care kids. I’m trying to find a way to serve in that area. Kids are such innocent victims of our mistakes. I know I have made plenty of mistakes with my own kids, but I’m truly thankful they know Jesus today.
Wow Candace what a powerful memory.There is such light and hope to be gathered here in your writing as you share your dark and troubling early days. I hope you someday submit your work to be published.
Thank you for your encouragement, Jen! I definitely would love to submit for publication some day. It’s one of those things I keep putting off :). I hope people will see the light here, as you did, more than the dark.
Candace, a powerful story which reflects the redemption found in Jesus Christ. He brings light into darkness. Thank you for sharing. Blessings. xoxo
Redemption is such an amazing gift, Beth! I’m blown away by it on a daily basis :). Blessings to you as well, my friend.
Hi Candace! I can’t tell you how deeply your story touched me. What a life you came from, and what a change you have made! Not only for yourself but for your marriage and your husband.
I think that playhouse might have saved your life. You could act out the things you could probably never say or certainly do as a child. Thank goodness no one is flying out of your windows these days! But seriously, you are a real testament to grace. Thank you for sharing your story.
Blessings,
Ceil
I think it may have saved me too, Ceil. Writing this really made me see how important that play activity was for even a little sanity in my life. I’m thankful no one is falling out my windows anymore too ;). That is definite growth!
Wow – what a powerful post… and testimony of how Jesus heals us and offers us a new way of living! I know too well those pangs of not wanting our Littles to be All Grown Up just yet! Praying for your Mama heart! What a blessing to have invited Jesus in to your heart and home and have had the privledge of raising kids in such a different environment!
I’m incredibly thankful for having opened my eyes to Jesus in time to bring Him to my kids, Karrilee. It’s making all the difference for them. Thank you for the prayers :). It is tough to watch them grow up so fast!
This is a beautiful post. Oh Candace. I understand where you are coming from. I love how you point out that Jesus is the answer. I praise God for the family you have today. I love how Jesus redeems. Keep telling this story; it is powerful! Cheering you from the #RaRalinkup on Purposeful Faith.
Thanks for your always sweet encouragement and cheers, Kelly! I feel incredibly blessed today, praising God for my family as well. Jesus really is the answer to so much. I’m grateful to finally know and trust that :).
They had no light. Wow. Isn’t it funny how our childhood memories can trigger adult insights? Thanks for sharing about the Lundbys. May we always keep the lights on!
I love making those connections, Lisa. Writing has helped me tremendously to trigger much needed insights. I usually don’t know for sure where a memory will lead me when I start writing about it. This was literally a light bulb moment ;)!
Oh my, Candace. How telling your blog is today. I am so very glad that today you live in a Light-filled home. Visiting from Three Word Wednesday.
I’m so thankful for my light filled home too, Susan! It’s shocking the incredible difference it makes. So glad you stopped by!
“He is my home.” —> YES. That’s so good. I get the contrast too between my childhood home and the one my husband and I are building now. And I mean “building” in a figurative way. 🙂 Thanks for linking up at #ThreeWordWednesday.
I’m with you on the “building” term, Kristin. There is so much meaning behind that word regarding our homes and families. It’s a long term work in progress :). It’s nice to be able to raise our kids in a better environment than we grew up in. I hope my kids will learn from my mistakes and have even better building skills than I do.
What a testimony and what truth. Jesus makes our world brighter and dispels all darkness! Praise God.
Thank you so much for sharing this truth with us.
xoxo
He really does make our whole world brighter, Jennifer. I couldn’t agree more! I wish more people would come to that realization. What a different place we would be raising our children in.
That’s really poignant, Candace. Sometimes it takes a while for the lesson to be realized and learned. God is so patient in teaching us. We are so blessed.
Stay blessed.
I’m so thankful for His patience, Lux! He had to use a lot on me :). It took many years for me to let the light in. We are truly blessed!
Just beautiful! What an amazing testimony of Christ LOVE! And I so LOVE your last line, that made me laugh out loud visualizing the two of you!
Thank you, Donna! You are definitely part of that love and light in my life today. I couldn’t resist that last line. My sweet hubby knows what a gift it is that I keep him so safe ;).
What a fascinating memory. I’m curious which of the family members do you think you identified with most as a child? Which one came instantly to mind?
Unfortunately I don’t remember the other members of the Lundby family, Nicole. I only remember the details of Mr. and Grandma Lundby. I really tried to think about how many kids there were, etc. but nothing came back to me but what is described above. It’s fascinating to me how our minds and memories work.
Oh Candace, I loved this post. It reminded me of how I was with my dolls. My mom was a beautician, so all my dolls had very short hair. Not realizing that their hair never grew back. We all grow up and do what we see. But the great thing is now Jesus is in your home. Praise God!!
My daughter loved to cut her doll’s hair too. Unfortunately, she decided to cut her own hair a couple of times too :). I knew she would be a hairdresser some day.
Therapists even use dolls now to watch kids play and learn more about their lives. It is just so telling. We really do act out our surroundings on them. Always great to see you, Tammy!
I love reading your posts–they are a window into your soul. Praise the Lord for the transforming work that only He can work in a person’s life. He truly makes all things beautiful in His time.
Thank you, Tammy! I really do feel like I open that window here :). I’m so grateful for the work God continues to do in my life. It never ceases to amaze me.
Thank you for allowing your life to be an example of what God can do. And you for sharing the intimate details of what was not the most pleasant of times. Your today is so refreshing. #RaRaLinkUp
My today is so refreshing :). I love that thought, Yolanda! It was definitely not a pleasant time, but I hope in sharing those dark moments, someone else may find light.
This is a very sweet message. I’m glad you have created a great home and family.
Thank you, Kim! I’m very grateful for my home and family today :).
Thanks! Big hug from me. It reminds me of the childhood of my husband. So sad. I am glad that in our house is love and respect. I often comforting him, then I say he is desired and loved. By God and by me.
It sounds like you are a wonderfully supportive wife, Jedidja. My husband is an amazing comforter as well. Having a supportive spouse makes such a difference in healing from a dark past. Thanks for the hug ;)!