Have you ever been stuck in a season you feel so far from God it’s hard to remember the faith and relationship you once cherished? Are you there now?
I get it. I’m just now recovering from one of those long, dark life chapters. This crisis happened to coincide with the last time I was in this online space, around January.
I’ve missed sharing my life with you. I just couldn’t clear my mind enough to write about anything else but the crisis we were going through, but that story is not mine to tell.
So without breaking that confidence, here’s the part about me, our God who fights for us, and how I’m finding my way back to Him.
It seems whenever life starts gliding along too smoothly, our most difficult tragedies come out of nowhere and knock us to our knees. Maybe this is what God expected from me, but I wasn’t having it. Instead I turned to all my old comforts—food, Netflix binges, isolation…
As always, regardless of my facade of self-reliance, He fought for me. Not in big sweeping miraculous ways, but tiny whispers bringing me home to Him slowly, day after day, turning into month after month.
We want things to resolve in our time, quickly and as pain free as possible. His time can take FOREVER. Can you relate?
When our crisis first hit many months ago, this person I love so dearly told me they could no longer believe in a God that let them hurt so deeply and for so incredibly long. I wanted to respond with the perfect verse, let them know how much He loved them, and explain all of this would have a purpose someday.
I did none of those things. First, because I know from my own experience of not wanting to hear those words in the midst of my biggest struggles. But even more important, I had the same exact doubts of how there could be a God who could allow such pain to someone so amazing, giving, loving, and deserving of a happy life.
These doubts have plagued me before as they have all of us at some time or another. I still don’t have the answer to why these things happen and unfortunately we probably never will in this life.
Here’s what I do know. Even when we wrestle with questions about Him, He never leaves our side. Remember those whispers mentioned earlier?
As I sobbed in isolation so many times over the past several months, I never felt alone. There was always this presence, far and distant in the beginning, but as close as a hand on my shoulder in more recent weeks. His whispers.
I’ve watched the sparkle return to the eyes of this person I love so completely, from just a tiny dot to precious moments of blinding light. His light, His whispers.
My Bible app has started my mornings for a 33-day streak. I went from not being able to look at a verse in the beginning of this year to reading them with a great many doubts a few times a week to absorbing His word and believing those promises daily for over a month now. His whispers…
If you are in a season where God feels far too distant, please listen for the whispers. They can be intensely quiet and so hard to hear you will probably want to give up, but know this. His whispers are there and if you listen long enough, they will turn into roars.
“For I am the Lord your God,
who stirs up the sea so that its waves roar—
the Lord Almighty is his name.”
He can do all things. I know this is easier for me to say on this side of my dark circumstances. That is not at all lost on me.
We are not out of the woods. Things are still really hard and messy around here. But I’m taking that chain of whispers and returning to conversations with God. I’m writing these words to give you hope this is possible.
Silence → whispers → conversation → relationship.
Wherever you stand today on your faith journey, we all know it can be a roller coaster. Don’t give up. Thankfully the mountain tops can usually sustain us through the deserts.
I think the waiting is the hardest part for me. His timing, not mine, can be soul crushing. But here’s something huge I’m learning—in that waiting and the stillness it so often requires is when He fights for us the most.
“The Lord will fight for you;
you need only to be still.”
I’m so glad to be back with you today. If you’re new here, subscribe to the free newsletter so we can do life together.
How do you stay connected to God when He feels miles away? I would love to chat with you in the comments.