How to Stop Obsessively Worrying About Your Kids

I’ve always had a gift for finding the worry in any situation — the thing that could go wrong, the call that might come in the night, the what-ifs that pile up quietly until they feel like certainty.

I found out just how deep that worry ran on a night I’ll never forget.

A few weeks ago I woke up to a 1am phone call from my daughter who was in Thailand. I knew before I even looked at her name on my phone, it was her and the news would be bad. She told me 8 bombs had gone off in the last few hours, all targeting tourists very close to her hotel.

Sleep ended for me at that moment. I stayed glued to the internet for the next 24 hours, watching four more bombs detonate far too close to my precious girl. She finally made it to the airport and safely home.

I don’t think there has ever been a time I relied on God more, prayed harder, or held my breath longer. Even at 22, she has always lived close to me, and somewhere in that proximity I built myself a false sense of control over her safety. Those hours between her phone call and her landing at our local airport showed me how paper-thin that control has always actually been.

God is the only one who can keep our kids safe.

I couldn’t reach her. I couldn’t get on a plane fast enough to hold her close. And in that helplessness, I had to let go of something I hadn’t even realized I’d been gripping so tightly — the illusion that her safety was ever really in my hands.

It’s been Him all along. My arms could hold her and my voice could soothe her, but He is the one who truly comforts and protects our children. He holds a power we could only dream of.

I’m an incessant worrier. It’s a trait I’ve sadly passed on to both of my kids. And that night in Thailand started something in me — a slow, uncomfortable reckoning with the fact that my worry had never once kept anyone safe. It had only kept me exhausted.

If I’m honest, I had tried to talk my adventurous daughter out of that trip altogether. She volunteered on a farm working with elephants, and if she had listened to me, she would have missed some of the most extraordinary moments of her life.

But even more than those experiences with God’s gentle giants, she would have missed learning something I needed to learn just as much as she did — that He keeps her safe even when mommy is far away.

And He has. Over and over again.

I have watched this girl jump out of a plane, travel to corners of the world that made my stomach drop, manage diabetes with quiet strength for fifteen years, and walk away from her faith — and then find her way all the way back. My worry followed her through every single one of those moments. And not once did it do a thing to protect her. God did that. Every time.

My son has carried his own heavy load. He struggled with seizures for most of his fourteen years of life, and he battles daily the anxiety I unknowingly passed down to him. I spent years worrying over both of those things too. My worry didn’t heal him. God did. My son is completely free from epilepsy today, fully weaned off his medication.

God always comes through. Every time I was convinced the worst would happen, He was already at work in the middle of it.

Not long ago I wrote about the concept of Living As If in relation to my health struggles. I’ve been applying that same idea to this lifelong worry habit and I want to share it with you.

Instead of praying “Lord, please keep my precious children safe” — try this:

“Thank you for keeping my beautiful children safe through all this world will throw at them. I trust you, Lord.”

Live as if. As if you already know God has this. As if you are certain He will carry your kids through whatever pain and struggle they will inevitably walk through. Because He will. He always has.

These promises aren’t wishful thinking. They’re the foundation:

So we say with confidence, “The Lord is my helper; I will not be afraid. What can mere mortals do to me?” ~ Hebrews 13:6 (NIV)

The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still. ~ Exodus 14:14 (NIV)

Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the Lord your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. ~ Deuteronomy 31:6 (NIV)

This is still a work in progress for me. Worry is a deeply grooved habit, and I won’t pretend I’ve mastered it. But I have tasted enough of the peace that comes from truly releasing my kids to God that I don’t want to go back.

Progress, not perfection. And in this case — trust, not control.