I recently read an amazing book about life and love from Jen Hatmaker called For the Love. There are so many great takeaways, but I really want to share 3 of them with you today.
1. Balance is a beautiful thought but not a realistic goal.
“Balance. It’s like a unicorn; we’ve heard about it, everyone talks about it and makes airbrushed T-shirts celebrating it, it seems super rad, but we haven’t actually seen one. I’m beginning to think it isn’t a thing.”
~Jen Hatmaker
I learned this the hard way last year when I still believed balance was actually a thing. It’s definitely not. I was determined to be an amazing blogger, mom, wife, homemaker, friend,… This, of course, quickly became overwhelming to the point where I ended up completely unplugging for a month. (If you haven’t tried this, please let me tell you what an incredible gift it can be for yourself and your family.)
As much as I adore Pinterest, it certainly doesn’t help in this area. We see all of these great ideas for every aspect of life: parenting, marriage, homemaking, careers, party planning, etc. and think we should be able to do it all. Here’s the big problem as Jen Hatmaker so adequately sums up: “Then we combine the best of everything we see, every woman we admire in every genre, and conclude: I should be all of that.”
We need to understand all of these ideas and successes we see spread all over life and the internet are not the same woman. We are only one human being with limited time and energy. Please remember that.
2. We prepare our children for life by empowering them, not manipulating their outside world.
“A good parent prepares the child for the path, not the path for the child.”
~Jen Hatmaker
Our love for our kids can overwhelm us at times and cause us to make less than stellar decisions. I have many teacher friends and hear often about how parents struggle with letting their precious little ones suffer with natural consequences teachers try to place on them. Bad grades, missed homework, and acting out in class are desperately attempted to be explained away by an email or phone call from a well meaning parent.
Unfortunately this hinders rather than empowers kids today. They are going to deal with difficult life circumstances. We want them to be ready and not shocked when these happen after they have moved away from us.
When my daughter was struggling with her faith, a few people within our church hurt her and she decided to no longer attend services with our family. I somehow turned away from my immediate thought to lash out at all involved. She had to find her path and her own faith which led her to a church family more suited to her in that season.
Her relationship with Christ grew monumentally as she journeyed through that struggle. She realized her strength and ability in a way that couldn’t happen with me trying to control the situation. And as a wonderful end to this story, last weekend my beautiful daughter, who now lives on her own, was sitting beside me in our Sunday morning church service.
3. Loving each other is the best way to teach others about Christ.
“There is a clear correlation between how we treat each other and how a watching world will feel about Jesus.”
~Jen Hatmaker
Showing love and forgiveness to not only our brothers and sisters in Christ, but to others as well, teach about a relationship only Jesus could be credited for. When others see us loving each other well, they are much more likely to want to be a part of our Christian family.
I so agree with these hopes Jen shares in For the Love: “I hope the world sees a community with wide-open arms, which comforts and welcomes and seems determined to build one another up. I hope they find us kind and generous, committed and loyal.”
Isn’t that the kind of community you would run to? Let’s be comforting, welcoming, and above all else, unconditionally loving…
Jesus replied: “‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’ This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments.”
~Matthew 22: 37-40
Learn more about For the Love by Jen Hatmaker at Amazon.com
This wonderful book is part of my to be read pile for 2016. You can find the rest of my reading list for the year here:
This is the second time this weekend I’ve heard someone raving over this book. Must mean I need to go buy and read it ASAP! 🙂 Great post.
It is an awesome book, Kathryn. These 3 points don’t even scratch the surface of what I got out of it :).
Candace … thanks for this review! I really loved Jen’s books 7 and Interrupted … I”m putting this new one on my to-read list. And hopefully, the library will have a copy just waiting for me!
Yep, they do!
Yay for the library, Linda! I would love to hear what you think about it. I really liked 7 as well and Interrupted is on my to be read pile for this year :). Enjoy the book, my friend!
Love the review and now I realize that I would love this book. There are several people who just wrote about this book recently even though I know it has been out for awhile. I think this is God’s way of telling me I need to get my hands o it and read it.
The first quote about balance being like a unicorn sucked me in. I know whenever I have read any of Jen’s posts, she always has me laughing. I am sure I cannot go wrong with this book. Thank you for sharing and for opening my eyes to a new book. Love you friend!
I love a book that makes me laugh and this one certainly didn’t disappoint. She is so funny and her writing flows incredibly well. You are welcome to borrow my book, my friend. Love you!
Visiting from the #happynowlinkup. I have heard about Jen Hatmaker and find her writings inspirational and humorous and real! Lesson #2 really spoke to me today. Thanks for sharing your words.
I absolutely loved that quote about our children’s path, Katy. It’s so true and eye opening. Thanks so much for visiting :).
Such great truths here, Candace. I especially love the third one about showing our love for each other, to be welcoming, comforting, and loving unconditionally. The first one about balance gives me pause for reflection. The author’s view and your experience define balance in a unique way. How quickly we can fall into as Jen says – “Then we combine the best of everything we see, every woman we admire in every genre, and conclude: I should be all of that.” Thank you for this insight. 🙂 Blessings and hugs to you!
There is so much truth in that statement about us combining everything we see and having this crazy expectation we should be all of that. It really hit home with me, Trudy. I have these unrealistic thoughts about who I should be and it’s so frustrating. I really loved her advice in that area. Blessings and hugs to you, my friend!
Hi Candace! I am definitely putting this book on my list. The three points you mentioned are very relatable! Especially about supporting our children. I think I was more of an environmental manipulator? Supporting them more helps them see how powerful they can be in just being themselves.
Thank you for the reading suggestion!
Ceil
I think you will really enjoy this book, Ceil. She has great insights and finds a way to make you laugh throughout it all. I’m guilty of some serious environmental manipulation too ;). I’m pretty sure most of us mommies have done a little of that at some point or another.
Love, For The Love, great book. How many times do I say I’m going to unplug? Sounds good. Enjoyed your post today on #RaRaLinkup.
I feel like I’m constantly saying time to unplug as well, Christy. I feel your pain ;). We are just so driven by technology these days. I will probably do another long unplugged session again this summer. It was truly wonderful.
I like Jen’s quote about unicorn’s and balance that is exactly what it feels like! I believe that it is more of a balancing/juggling act, because seriously being balanced is just not something I can get a hang of in my life. Amen to loving people. That really is the key!
I need to post the unicorn/balance quote in my office, Jen :). It’s truly freeing. Loving people is definitely key. Far too many forget that simple truth. We are called to love above all else.
I read this book last month and loved it too, Candace. It made me laugh until I cried. I even read parts of it to my husband, and it made him laugh too. But there was so much wisdom. I liked the chapter on marriage and not expecting your mate to be good at what you’re good at, giving them freedom to be THEMSELVES. 🙂
I loved the marriage chapter as well, Betsy. It was so hard to pick 3 favorite quotes. I laughed hard throughout the book too. That is rare so I really appreciate great humor tied up with valuable wisdom.
These are powerful truths from Jen’s book, Candace. This one particularly resonated with me “Balance is a beautiful thought but not a realistic goal.” It not only frees you from running around trying to get it all done, it frees you from beating yourself up when you can’t!
Balance has been a lifelong struggle for me, Kelly. I found that point very freeing as well. Now whenever I think about it, I’ll picture a unicorn and smile :).
I LOVED Jen’s book, Candace!! I laughed and cried the whole way through it. Mostly laughed because I felt like she was telling parts of my own story. 🙂
I have experienced a similar faith circumstance with my oldest who stopped going to church. Not the same reasons, but all the same it was hard. She is an adult and she is making her choices and one of those happen to be attending a church that I don’t attend. It was hard at first but I went with her to the church she now calls home and was blessed by her acceptance there and the welcome people gave her. Doctinally it is sound and the teaching is good and I am thankful that she is being built up in an atmosphere of grace. They need to find their identity outside of us.
🙂 Great post! I loved the book too.
Blessings,
Dawn
I laughed and cried throughout the book too, Dawn. It was wonderful. I’m glad to hear your daughter has found a church to call home. I so agree about them finding their identity outside of us. I always thought parenting adult children would be so easy, but it really just brings its own set of issues to deal with :).
This is a great list! I love the part about balance. So true. When will we ever attain that?! I find it comes more in seasons. Thanks for sharing.
I have decided to withdraw on my quest for balance, Brooke. It just stresses me out too much. I’m going to allow myself to find peace with success in one area at a time for a while ;).
I’ve heard great things about this book and it’s always nice to see more! I should really add it to my list. Number two is something my husband and I are really passionate about as we have both dealt with “adult kids” that don’t understand natural consequences because they were never taught them in their younger years. Thanks for the great words! I’m visiting from Three Word Wednesday 🙂
I would highly recommend adding it to your to-read list, Katie. There are so many great insights throughout. I’m getting better about my helicopter parenting. I must admit to struggling with this in the past, but I definitely want to avoid “adult kids” :). Thanks for visiting!
Love Jen and her books! Even my girls love her and want to be part of her family after watching their home renovation show! 🙂
I loved that show, Sarah! That house was fantastic by the finale. I really liked the spinoff too where they helped other families renovate old homes. This is only my second book I’ve read of hers but I’ll definitely be reading more in the future.
I love everything about this post. When it comes to balance it is extremely difficult for me. I have days where I feel like I can handle a lot and then I have days where I feel like making dinner is just too much. I’ve been trying to be more realistic about how much I can can actually do in a day to avoid being overwhelmed.
I also believe that we as Christians should be examples of love. It makes me cringe when Christians preach hate and exclusion of those who are different. This is not the example that Jesus set for us.
Thank you, Sonya! Balance is a huge struggle for me too, but I’m determined to lose the mindset that it even exists. I definitely have those days where making dinner is way too much to handle. I actually have them far too often :).
I can’t deal with the hate preaching either. I think that’s one of the main reasons it took me so long to become a Christian. Jesus set the perfect example of how to love each other. Excluding people went against everything He stood for in my opinion.
I love that quote about balance! I’m always searching for balance, but it does feel like a search for a unicorn…
It’s such a great visual for when we start to stress about balance, Akaleistar. I’m just going to picture a unicorn in my head and let the craziness go :).
So true, and I just LOVE number 1. I keep telling myself that I’m going to one day be all caught up, and have this “perfect” balance. However, I cannot agree more that it is most definitely an unicorn! Thank you so much again for this awesome reminder 🙂
I completely understand the dream of being “all caught up,” LZ. I find myself hoping for that often. It’s definitely a unicorn as well!
I loved this book so much. It’s funny and practical and wise. Such a needed combination for those of us in the trenches of life. I’m glad you enjoyed it too and I’m glad you linked up at #ThreeWordWednesday.
Those are 3 perfect words to describe it, Kristin. Funny, practical, and wise. I love a book that can make me laugh out loud :). Thanks for the party, my friend.
My women’s group did Jen’s book together and we have also done “7”… I LOVE HER SO MUCH. Like I dream about being her BFF. I crush on everything she writes, because she delivers the truth in such a real and wise and often HILARIOUS way. I’ve learned SO much from her. And the quotes you chose today were perfect.
LOVE this Candace! And if you have any connections with Jen, I’ll pay you all the money I have to get in with you. LOL
I’m so sorry to tell you I have no connections, my friend :). I love her too though. 7 was awesome. I think that’s the only other one of hers I have read. Interrupted is on my to be read list for this year.
These three points are so great. (Of course, when have I read something from Jen Hatmaker that I haven’t liked?) I love the balance-to-unicorn comparison. Now that I think about it, it’s true! The only time I ever think I see true balance achieved is by someone else (never me), but if I asked I’m sure that person would be the first to laugh and say they definitely do NOT have it all together.
Looks can be very deceiving in this area, Jenny. I completely agree if we asked the people we thought had it all together they would laugh about it :).