Sixteen years ago, we buried my daughter’s father. It remains to this day one of the greatest losses of my life. My daughter still struggles on many levels from the grief that stole too much of her childhood.
I was so young and wild when I married him after a two-day courtship. Five years later, we would finalize a lengthy, heartbreaking divorce. Thankfully after the papers were signed, we made our peace with each other and began to bond in a beautiful friendship as parents to our incredible little girl.
Within months of the divorce, I received a call at work that his heart had given out the night before on his father’s couch. My daughter and I, having just spent the weekend with him two weeks before, were absolutely devastated. At the time, I was struggling with Christianity which kept me from fully realizing that we would one day see him again.
The finality of losing him without an understanding of Heaven completely overwhelmed me.
Susan Mead recently sent me her impactful little book, Dance With Jesus: From Grief to Grace. Oh how I wish my belief system had matched hers all those years ago.
Susan lost her son, Kyle, when he was only 20 years old. She shares this in the book immediately followed by the simple, yet shocking statement, “I’m so blessed.” Her unwavering faith in Christ, including visions of seeing her precious son dancing with Him, gave her the strength to truly feel blessed in the face of such great adversity.
The loss of Susan’s son was not the only grief she suffered. Her sister, a PhD nurse, committed suicide. The day before Kyle’s death, Susan attended her sister-in-law’s husband’s memorial service. Four years to the day of Kyle’s final breath, her sister-in-law passed away as well.
These tragedies would be enough to shake even the strongest faith to the core. Yet as Susan so wisely shares, “It is our response to an event that shows our character, not the event itself.” As my own faith grows, I understand this more every day.
She discusses that although she misses Kyle terribly, it would be selfish to want him back here “because he is now in Paradise with Jesus.” I finally understand this as well. My daughter and I still miss her father deeply, but I’m thankful to know where he is today. I’m also comforted by the fact we will see him again.
Susan now spends her mornings in her kitchen dancing with Jesus just as she continues to envision her beloved son doing. I will never look at the matching tattoos my daughter and I share on our feet the same. They both read “I hope you dance” which is our song. It is no accident this book ended up in my hands.
Please take time today to hold your people a little closer. Remember they are what life is all about.
“It may be the last kind word, hug, or kiss you get to share with them. You deserve that special, sacred time too. Things get broken, discarded, or replaced. People matter.”
~Susan B. Mead, Dance With Jesus
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As you know, I so relate to the loss of a father at a young age. A girl without her dad is a horrible person to be. I never wanted to be that person, and yet, here I am. I get it. It’s not easy on anyone. Even my mom (who was divorced from my dad for years before he passed) had a hard time and still does. Grief is a beast. A nightmare to face. A rebel in many ways and a teacher of many things. But Grace always saves us. Even if it takes time, God heals all wounds when we open our hearts just a bit. Thank you for sharing this post. You’ve reminded me (and many others, I’m sure) just how much Grace overcomes and how Jesus never fails us. <3 All my love! <3
He never fails us, Heather. I love that reminder! My heart goes out to you and your mom. I know what a tragic loss that was for you. That kind of grief can be overwhelming. Much love to you, my friend! Thanks for sharing here.
Candace, I truly am sorry for the loss you & your daughter have suffered. Susan as well. So grateful for our God who comforts us so that we may comfort others. Such wisdom you have offered > may we love well today!
Thank you, Joanne. It’s been a long, difficult journey. Amen to this: “may we love well today!”
Candace, thank you. Grief is a long and winding road … this I know after losing my dad and littlest grandson within 2 months of each other.
The grief bubbles forth at the oddest times, doesn’t it … and the tears become a healing stream. And God sends us people to minister to us. And He never leaves our sides as we stumble ahead.
But still … sad we are.
Hugs to you today, friend. I hear your heart …
Many hugs to you as well, Linda! I know you are in the midst of a difficult grief journey right now. My heart goes out to you, my friend. Continued prayers for you and your precious family.
Your story connects beautifully with Susan’s. Your review of the book was lovely and your heart pours forth in every word. Your life is one of God’s greatest gifts and each day He is not only giving you grace but comfort and the gift of redemption in Him. Blessed to call you friend.
Thank you for your incredibly sweet encouragement, Mary! I’m so blessed to call you friend as well.
First of all congrats on the upcoming memoir. I can’t wait till its published. I have it already on my book list.
Grief can be such a destroying emotion. When I divorced I felt terrible grief from losing something living in my eyes. When my dad passed, I still have a hard time when I see something that reminds me of him. I worried that he wasn’t a believer and then one day my mom told me she had a dream and my dad came to her and said, “The Lord said I should come by and say hi”. Thats all I needed to hear. I will see him again and that dream was not only for her but for me too.
God does make all things better.
I’m so honored to be on your book list, Tammy! It will probably be a while because I want to take my time on it. I’ll keep you posted :)!
My divorce was almost as painful as his death. I truly had to mourn losing him twice. I completely understand the feelings of your divorce. It’s a huge grieving process. What a wonderful dream your mom had. I’m glad it comforted you about your dad. You will see him again, my friend. Love this: “God does make all things better.” I need to post that somewhere to see every day!
Hi Candace,
I’m your neighbor at Holley’s link-up today. Your growth and understanding of God’s purpose and plans in our lives is a rich reserve to draw from as you encourage others. I love how God makes something beautiful out of our painful places!
He really does use every part of our lives, Valerie. There is definitely great beauty from ashes. Thanks for stopping by!
Thank you, Candace, for sharing your heart. Grief does not have a time limit and grief is different for each person. I am excited for your upcoming book. Blessings. 🙂
Thank you so much for your support, Melissa! It’s an exciting time :). I completely agree with your thoughts on grief. It’s truly a different path for everyone. Many blessings to you as well!
I’m so sorry for the loss you and your daughter went through, Candace. You’ve been through so much in your life. Did I miss something somewhere? You have a memoir coming out? Blessings and hugs!
Hi Trudy! I announced the memoir in my weekly email newsletter yesterday. I’ve just started writing my story of finding Christ after my many years of drug and alcohol bondage. I met with an agent a couple of weeks ago who was very encouraging about it, so I’m pretty excited about the whole endeavor :). Many blessings and hugs to you, my friend!
I wish you the best with your memoir, Candace! May God give you strength and guidance! I get your posts in my email, but not a newsletter. Must be a different sign-up? I’ll sign up again with what I see now on the right hand column.
It is different, Trudy. I’m sorry for the confusion. I used to have it set up through wordpress to send out each post to subscribers, but then I started a weekly newsletter through mailchimp. So if you sign up in the current sidebar subscription box, you will get the newsletter in addition to the posts you are getting. I couldn’t transfer wordpress followers over to mailchimp, only email ones. That was the bad part about switching over. Please let me know if I have confused you with this ramble :).
Thanks for the well wishes on my memoir. It’s been hard to find writing time lately. November is National Novel Writing Month. I’m going to try to jump in on that and write daily. I think they try to finish a 50,000 word novel throughout the month. I’ll be happy with just developing a daily writing habit!
Ok, Candace. I get it now. 🙂 I’m cheering you on the sidelines as you write!
OH my… I just can’t even imagine that much loss. Just reading about that and how she is “blessed” and dances with Jesus every morning? WHOA! What an incredible inspiration!!
I will pin this and share it with my beloved people who have lost a loved one.
Crap. I clicked too soon to mention how sorry I am for YOUR loss… I honestly can’t imagine THAT either. And your precious daughter… Bless her.
I’m just so glad that you and your x had found a place of resolve after your divorce and could parent your girl together in peace. I bet this book was truly God’s gift for you, my friend!
Thank you for your encouragement and sharing, Chris! I’m incredibly thankful we had made peace as well. I can’t imagine if that hadn’t occurred before his death. God really takes care of us :). Always blessed to see you, my friend.
I am so sorry for your loss, Candace. I have read Susan’s book and it is amazing how God can draw us closer and comfort our hearts when we grief.
How are you Candace?
Remain Blessed.
Thank you, Ifeoma. It was a tragic loss. I’m doing much better these days. I hope all is well with you! Blessings!
I’m truly sorry for your loss, Candace. Your strength is astounding and I admire that you and your daughter take the time to remember her father day after day. Susan Mead’s book sounds like a truly inspiring one. Thank you for sharing some of her words, and your story with us today on #Shinebloghop. Though it may be a devastating loss, the strength you gain and the grace you continue to show is nothing short of inspirational.
Thank you for your incredibly sweet words, Maria! I’m so glad you have joined in as a host of the Shine party. It’s always a fun one :). I’m looking forward to getting to know you better!
Hi Candace! I think it takes a certain kind of bravery to face your sadnesses and allow us all in to join you there. I’m so glad you have this book to help you, and see that you aren’t alone. You lost your ex-husband in such a sudden, crazy way…I can’t imagine the grief that must have caused you and your daughter.
I am thankful that you had faith at that time. Don’t worry about the depth of it, it was there. How deep are we all really into our trust of God? Living through the ‘tough stuff’ is what gives it roots.
Please know you have my prayers, you and your daughter. God heals us day by day, and never forgets. I know you are His special one…
Blessings,
Ceil
It was a very difficult journey, Ceil. Thanks so much for your prayers and words of wisdom, my friend. Many blessings to you!
My Mom and Grandma died eight months apart, and it was such a difficult time. I agree, this book would have helped then!
Hugs to you and your daughter and thank you for sharing this.
Wow, those are 2 huge, tragic losses far too close together, Sarah. I’m so sorry to hear that. I pray you continue to heal. Hugs to you!
Candace, hugs sweet lady, from my heart to yours. Tragic losses – for both you and your daughter, yet God is good. He redeems our pain in such lovely ways.
Thank you for sharing Dance With Jesus: From Grief to Grace with your readers. Your words are exquisite.
For your readers, my heart goes out to each one of you. We know grief misses no one as we all experience loss in some way, shape or form. Yet God is good and beauty from ashes is His gift to us-when we open our hearts.
Thank you so much for your wonderful gift and sweet encouragement, Susan. Your story and faith are incredibly inspiring. I have no doubt you have helped many already and will serve many more in the future through your words and testimony. Many blessings to you and your precious family!
I feel for your daughter. I lost my father too, when I was young. My dad passed when I was four years old. This book sounds like a great read. It’s hard when we lose people, but if we think about heaven then it’s makes it easier to accept their death. Because we will see them again 😉
Yes indeed we will Se he again! Praise God.
I’m so sorry for your loss. Hugs. Susan
That way of thinking, that we will see them again, changes everything, Sonya. I’m so sorry you suffered such a devastating loss as a young, innocent girl. Grief can be incredibly overwhelming especially when we are children. It’s just impossible to understand at that age. Thanks for sharing part of your story here, my friend.
A reminder we all need in our pains and our overlooking. Thank you Candace, for sharing something so close to your heart -your brokenness and honesty is a blessing.
Sharing our brokenness can be so healing for ourselves as well as others. I love how much God has healed me by honestly and openly telling my story. Thanks so much for your encouragement, Bethany.
So thankful for the hope of healing found in Christ! Thank you for sharing!
Yes, He is the ultimate healer, Wendy. It took me far too long to learn that simple truth :). Thank you for stopping by!
Candace, I love how connected your matching tattoos with the theme of Susan’s book … and what a precious thing for you and your daughter to share! This is the kind of book review I enjoy reading … personal and real. Thank you for sharing your heart today.
Thank you, Lois! It’s always so special to make those connections. Our tattoos and the link to her son dancing with Jesus really touched me. God really weaves us all together :).