All is not well with my soul. This is a phrase I say far too often to my husband. It seems to mostly surface when I’m not living the way God intended.
My Aunt died last week. I grew up spending carefree summers with her and my cousin, who was also one of my dearest friends growing up. I hadn’t spoken to either of them in about 14 years.
My family on my dad’s side completely fell apart all those years ago. That’s a story for another day, but I’ll leave it at this: my grandmother died, my father decided he no longer wanted to be a part of his children’s or grandchildren’s lives, and that entire half of my family tree went through the wood chipper.
The whole situation devastated me. It took years for me to come to grips with losing so many family members at once. So when my mom called a couple of weeks ago with the news of my Aunt’s illness and the fact she was asking to see me, I said no without any thought or consideration.
As the days passed, my heart grew softer and I realized just how much I would love to see my family and have them back in my life. I decided when my Aunt left the hospital, we would all get together and celebrate in a beautiful much needed reunion.
My Aunt never recovered and a week later, I finally reunited with her. She laid lifeless in a shiny silver casket. I stood beside her with overwhelming guilt over the lost years and those precious moments I could have spent with her in the hospital as she requested.
I hugged my cousins and confessed my apologies for not going to her side as my sweet mother did. My mom was so broken by my father, yet she chose to stand beside his family in their darkest hour. That is pure wellness in one’s soul.
I’m incredibly thankful to have my cousins back in my life, even the bittersweet introduction of their grown children. I always imagined we would raise our kids alongside each other in the small town we spent so much time together in our own childhoods. Our broken family and my many moves trying to find home made that dream impossible.
But we are connected now and that’s the beauty I will focus on. We will move forward and keep in touch, holding tight to the joy of getting to know each other all over again.
Here’s the moral of this story: If we are not right with our people, our soul is not well. God’s plan for our lives is connection, forgiveness, and unconditional love.
Connect:
Let us consider how we can stir up one another to love. Let us help one another to do good works. And let us not give up meeting together. Some are in the habit of doing this. Instead, let us encourage one another with words of hope. Let us do this even more as you see Christ’s return approaching.
~Hebrews 10:24-25 (NIRV)
Forgive:
Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.
~Ephesians 4:31-32 (NIV)
And Love:
“A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.”
~John 13:34-35 (NIV)
With a little more peace in my family, I’m stepping closer to saying the most aspiring mantra of all. It is well with my soul.
I know to complete this journey, I must eventually forgive my dad. My heart holds deep wounds from my relationship with him over the years, but I don’t want to stand next to his coffin someday thinking what if…
Today I will be thankful for the people who rejoined my life. Today it will be well enough with my soul.
Is it well with your soul? Do you have someone you cut ties with and really need to see again? Make peace. Start with just one person. A phone call. A letter. Even a quick, simple Facebook message.
Move forward with grace and love. Open up the lines of communication and make it well with your soul again…
Check out this adorable shirt gifted to me from Brenna at Elly and Grace! It makes me smile big when I look in the mirror knowing I’m getting there one step at a time.
Brenna sent me two shirts and a phone case so I can testify to the high quality of her products. Visit EllyandGrace.com to browse her uplifting and joy inducing collection. You can see my much loved, Queen Esther inspired phone case on Instagram.
Aw, Candace I recently lost my great uncle last week, as well from cancer and truly sorry for your loss. As for the lesson you learned sounds like in the end you did indeed find some peace even if it was after your aunt passed on. Just glad you could make amends with your cousins and are able to move forward now. Thanks for sharing and sending some hugs your way now, too.
I’m so sorry for your loss, Janine. Thanks for the hugs :). Same back to you. I’m very thankful for the peace I’ve found and being able to move on. These situations can really make us feel stuck at times but I’m extremely blessed for the opportunity to begin rebuilding my family.
Candace,
My sweet friend it is always a joy to hear from you. As I read you word I immediately began to pray for you. You are so right about connection. That’s one of the main markers that separates Christianity from so many other religions. Our faith requires us to move beyond SELF to connect hearts with others. Since God is the restorer of the breach, I trust he will facilitate a mending in your heart towards your dad. And let me add, I’m so proud of you for sharing this lovely picture of yourself. Looking to hearing from you again soon 🙂
Hi Tyra! It’s always wonderful to hear from you as well, my friend. There is a lot of work to be done with my dad but I too know God will facilitate it exactly as it should be. Thank you for the sweet comment about my picture. You know how nerve wracking that is for me ;).
My favorite tip for soul wellness would be taking time to quiet your mind and meditate. We all need moments of peace to feel God’s presence.
I’m glad that you were able to reconnect with your cousins.
My soul definitely needs more quiet time, Sonya. I love your tip! My mind spins way too much. I’m very happy about the reunion too. Thank you, my friend.
Ahhh, Candace, your post had my throat tightening. Sometimes there are no more chances, and when we miss that last chance to connect/forgive/reunite with someone it leaves a wound on our hearts. I’m truly sorry about your aunt. I’m so glad you’ve gotten to reconnect with your cousins.
One thing that I’ve found is helpful for soul wellness is journaling. When my heart is overwhelmed or emotions and thoughts are deluging me, I often sit and bring to the Lord via pen to paper. There’s something soothing and healing for my soul when I do this. I’ve found He’s always there to listen and respond to my words.
I’m saying a prayer for you today. I’m your neighbor at #RaRaLinkup. It’s very nice to meet you!
I absolutely love journaling too, Jeanne. It’s the best therapy, yet I so often forget about that wonderful tool. Thank you for the prayer. It’s so nice to meet you as well!
My heart aches for you, Candace. I’m so sorry for this loss and all the losses in your life. I’m glad you can focus on the beauty of the reconnection with your father’s family. I couldn’t help but think of the unconditional love of Jesus, how even when we feel it isn’t well with our souls, He loves us. He has our souls in safe-keeping even when we stray. Thank you for sharing so honestly. Love and hugs to you!
Thank you, Trudy. It’s definitely a trying time. I so appreciate your encouraging words. Love and hugs to you, my friend.
I am so sorry for your loss. Forgiveness is so important. Of ourselves of others. Without giving it we carry around so much extra and unnecessary pain. I know when I have let go if it, the world somehow seems lighter and brighter.
I love that shirt though. What a great message!
Forgiveness can completely change our lives. I completely agree with you about the importance of giving it to others and ourselves. They are both so necessary. Make sure to check out Brenna’s shop when you get a chance, Jen. You will love it! So many great products, all with inspiring messages :).
Thanks for the giveaway!
I think the secret to soul wellness is staying in prayer and the Word. Daily reading and prayer is essential.
Great tip, Amber! Starting my day with prayer and a devotion time changes everything. I wish I could say I do this every day :). What a difference it would make!
Your words are fitting today especially after my post about my dad. I find that I was one of the lucky ones because my dad and I both chose to make time to get to know each better even if it was in his last year. I know this is why the gift of presence and community is so important to me. Thank you for putting your feelings into words and for reminding us that being well with your people helps in being well with your soul.
I’m so thankful you had that time with your dad, Mary. I know the grieving is incredibly difficult but you have memories now that so many of us could only dream of. Much love you as you continue to heal, my friend.
Dear Candance, I have stood in your shoes so often. Thank you for your candor in saying it’s a journey to wellness, not necessarily an overnight success. Prayers and blessings as you move more and more into wellness for your soul.
It’s definitely a journey. I’m afraid I’ve learned this the hard way, Alice. Trying to rush things always leaves me in a dark place. We just have to take it one step at a time. Thanks so much for the prayers :).
Favorite tip for soul wellness: a daily walk in the fresh air and quiet for prayer, Scripture meditation, and SILENCE!
This is a beautiful tip, Michele! Thanks so much for sharing it. It’s going to be a sunny and warm day here. I will definitely have to try your suggestion, combining all of it in an outdoor stroll :).
Prayers for you my sweet friend. My tip would be to stay in God’s word daily this helps to keep me centered. My quite time in God’s word is the one thing to keep me going and keeping my soul in its path to wellness.
Thanks for the prayers, Camille. God’s word really keeps me centered too. It’s truly amazing. I really need to work on a daily practice like you do so well, my friend. I know how life changing that can be.
Candace, I’m so sorry for your loss, both of your Aunt and of those many years without your family members. What a beautiful testament you have made for forgiveness and connection. Thanks so much for sharing your story at the #happynowlinkup!
Thanks so much, Leslie. I hope this will help someone to not have all those unnecessary lost years that I dealt with. It’s always a pleasure to join your happy linkup :).
How fun to link up with you today. Love finding like-hearted friends who have a passion for the same things I do. I’m doing a roundup on soul care today. What a powerful post on the importance of forgiveness and restoration when it comes to being well in our souls! I’ll share this on my FB page tomorrow.
Loved your roundup, Ginger! I shared it on my Facebook page last Sunday :). I’m so glad to be connected with you now. I hope you’re having a wonderful week.
Oh my heart Candace! I’m so sorry for your loss and this very difficult reality you have faced, my friend! You have truly turned this for good through these powerful ways we can all truly be well within our soul. I know- oh I know, it’s so very hard to forge through forgiving those who have broken our hearts.
As for your aunt, I kept thinking that the great blessing in this is your connection to your cousin and who knows the path this will lead you on? Praying God offer you His guidance in this new journey of renewal of relationships and graceful, faithful steps through it all. God will make all things good – it is my prayer you trust that. <3
Thank you for your prayers, sweet friend. Forgiveness can be such a struggle, but you are so right, Chris. God truly does make all things good :).
You are brave to show your pain and share your story. I am grateful to hear it. My family relationships have been slow to heal, and you’re right–forgiveness is the key for healing. I’m glad you’re able to see the good now and not get lost in regret.
Family relationships are such a struggle at times, Sarah. There can be so much love and animosity mixed in together. There’s nothing like it. Forgiveness and grace definitely forge a path through the mess :).
“That is pure wellness in one’s soul.” Wow, this is truly telling, honest and beautiful. There is so much here to read, reread and savor Candace. I bookmarked this on Friday when I first read and I’ve been rethinking since then.
I’m so sorry for your loss. The whole situation is just devastating….your aunt’s loss as well as the way things ended last week. Candace, I wish we could chat about it all, bc I, too, have had numerous losses in the past month. My aunt, as well and our pastor/ priest friend passed this month and just this week, a friend, her husband and their two young children perished in a house fire. The losses are just unfathomable in and of themselves but given any added unresolved emotional issues, that makes it all so heavy.
I definitely needed to read this. It is very timely for me….
Thank you my friend,
Chris
Hi Chris! I’m so sorry for your losses as well, my friend. That is a lot to deal with in one month. I think I heard about the family you mentioned. I didn’t know them personally but have seen the story. It’s absolutely tragic and to think of the 2 older children who survived is just devastating. Their world is forever changed. Praying for you. I’m so thankful this served you.
Ah…Candace, these are places we don’t won’t to go often times but it is needful for our soul.
To connect, to forgive and to re-unite takes a brave heart to do so.
So sorry for your loss.
Blessings to you
It is so needful for our soul, Ifeoma, I couldn’t agree more. Blessings to you, friend.
Candace, what a beautiful and heart wrenching post. I waited too long to forgive my father and it ate me alive for two decades. Now, it is too late. You are brave to share your wisdom here today, blessings to you on your journey!
Holding on to that anger really does eat us alive, Christa. I can so relate. Blessings and peace to you on your journey as well!
A relaxing bath a good meal or just a short walk are all good for the soul ..
I love your tips, Jenny. It’s amazing what each of these can do to turn a rough day around. Thanks so much for sharing them here!