Peace. What a beautiful concept. For several months, I have felt more of its glorious presence than I’ve encountered in years.
This week is different. The darkness returned.
For as long as I can remember, depression and anxiety have ruled my life. There doesn’t need to be a reason for me to slip into one of these states. It just happens. Quickly. Painfully. Unfairly…
Sunday night, I posted my word for the week on my refrigerator: PEACE. Then I wrote out my verse:
I desperately searched for these treasures in my darkness, the secret riches God has for me so I may know Him.
By this morning, I felt my search was over. Not in the blissful, I found what I’m looking for way, but more the defeated, giving up kind of ending.
Late this afternoon, I picked up my Made to Crave book
Lysa TerKeurst made me shift my perspective with simply this:
“Our looks are temporary; if we hitch our souls to this fleeting pursuit, we’ll quickly become disillusioned. The only true satisfaction we can seek is the satisfaction of being obedient to the Lord.”
Let’s face it. I want to lose weight. I’m dying to fit into my closet filled with cute clothes many sizes smaller than my actual body.
However, my obsession with trying to get back to where I once was could be setting myself up for failure.
I lost 80 pounds three years ago. My body did not look like it did when I weighed the same amount years before. This greatly disturbed me. I gained 75 of those 80 pounds back.
Temporary looks… Just as the lines keep growing and deepening all over our faces, our bodies shift with the years as well.
This has been my problem this week. I am scared of my body failing me again, not becoming what I want it to be. I can’t “hitch” to this! The goal needs to be obedience.
God wants us to live a healthy lifestyle. This is the only way we will ever have enough energy to carry out His plans for us.
Our bodies are not here to satisfy us when we look in the mirror. They are amazingly complex systems, created by God to help us function and serve Him.
I spent far too much time this week feeling defeated because I wasn’t doing this program “perfectly”- exercising everyday, cutting out sugar completely,… This week had been the complete opposite of perfect – not one minute of exercise, several candy binges,… Depression and anxiety were unavoidable.
Today I shifted from focusing on the body I so desperately craved to wanting to please God. This means I can be proud of one session on the treadmill and not devastated from missing one workout. I can know one home cooked meal for my family is a success, even if I slip up later that night with an unhealthy snack.
I am taking it one act of obedience at a time.
So, tonight after I finished my reading, I went downstairs and walked for 45 minutes on my treadmill. This was the first time I had been on it in months, and I walked as slow as it would let me. But… I did it.
After I finished, I came upstairs, threw out my candy stash, and fixed dinner for my family, which is another thing I have yet to make a habit of. But… I did it tonight.
Here is my treasure: HOPE. I have more hope and less sadness as I type these words than I have had all week.
Today is week 3 of my made to crave journey… day 36 of my healthy new year’s resolutions… DAY 1 of finding true peace as I pursue a life of obedience to God.
As always, thank you for joining me on this journey. If you are new here, please subscribe to my free newsletter so we can get to know each other better.
Candace I really needed this one today I messed up last night with the unhealthy snack and for several days I did well and then I slipped and fell. What stands out for me in your blog is : “I am taking it one act of obedience at a time..”
Love this sentence.. Thank you for sharing . We all need that extra push an d cheering on..
Blessings to you..Lynn 🙂
We will all have imperfect journeys, Lynn. It’s so easy to beat ourselves up with every slip, but we really need to look at every success, no matter how small. Blessing to you as well!
I really enjoyed your style of writing. Great content that I can take away.
I’m so glad you enjoyed it, Terri! Thanks for stopping by :).
Great share :)! I own a scale that is tucked away in my bathroom never been used lol. I gauge my healthiness on how comfortable I fit in my clothes and how healthy my skin looks 🙂 Find its a great way to stay peaceful xo
Good for you, Mari! I am impressed. I have been a slave to the scale for far too many years. I’m working on changing that!
Thank you for your honesty Candace! I agree — when we get our eyes off the weight we want to loose and on Jesus it changes our outlook! God bless you as you pursue a life of obedience to God!
It really changes our outlook in any situation if we can focus on Jesus. I am finally learning that! It has become a great relief when I’m able to do it, but it is far too easy for me to lose focus sometimes :). Blessings to you, Lois!
SO Beautiful! <3 I pray that you continue to find peace on this journey! <3 Big HUGS
Thank you, Amy! Peace is one of the best gifts we can receive, in my opinion. I truly believe so many of the things we look for in our lives are actually to find peace!
Loved reading this.
thanks
Hi Susie! Thank you, my friend! Always great to see you :).
Thank you for sharing this. I have felt exactly the same way this past week because I have not really been as diligent in this study as I would have liked. I was so excited in the beginning and actually had a couple of ladies join me in the journey. I feel like I have let them down by not following up and making a point to be encouraging to them and helping each other with our struggles. Thank you for helping me see that it is God we should be pleasing and obedient to and not ourselves. Today is my day 1 also!
Welcome to day 1, Cindy! Whatever you do, just don’t give up. It is taken me 3 full weeks of the study to get started. Check in with the ladies doing the study with you. I’m here if you need encouragement too!
Candice, I love the fact that you are taking it one act of obedience at a time. I think that is a very smart approach. Baby steps! I think I will use this same thinking and maybe this time it will work! Hugs!
I am so easily overwhelmed, Jackie. It has taken me too long to see I have to be proud of every small success. These will string together into big successes :)!
Great message. I loved Lysa’s book. It’s probably one I need to pick up and read again as complete freedom from my eating disorder is still something I’m working towards. I know God’s truth but it’s a battle to replace those lies I’ve been telling myself for so long. Thank you for this today.
It is a huge battle to replace the lies, Beth! I’m 44 and have been an addict my whole life. I’m still shocked at how deeply ingrained those habits are. This is my second time through her book, and I’m guessing not my last :). I hope you found some comfort here!
Thank for this post. It really is about the simple things and taking baby steps to get there. I hope you eventually find peace, I know I’m looking for it as well.
I hope you find peace as well, Britni! It is the best thing to strive for. Baby steps can lead to big strides! Let yourself find peace in the little things :). I know that is easier said than done sometimes!
Thank you so much for this honesty! I have so been here and needed this encouragement this morning!
I’m so glad you found encouragement here, Amanda! It is easy to slip into negative thoughts about our bodies. Thanks for visiting!
Candace, you continually bless my heart! I am so proud of you for pursuing that life of obedience to God! I truly feel that is what it is all about & I am on that mission right with you girlfriend! We can do this!
Your sweet encouragement always blesses me, Tonya! I’m so thankful to be on this journey with you!
WOW…once again, thank you for your message. I loved it all…all of it…every word! God is moving in your soul, stirring it, shifting paradigms, transforming you, making you new. We are called to have NO idols and worship only the one true God. Our bodies can certainly be our idols and as we obsess with the way we look or want to look, we distance ourselves from our Lord…because we make our bodies our lord. And as you are finding out, as God is showing you, we cannot serve two masters. Jesus is the only one who can free us from our bondage to whatever enslaves us. He is the one who renews our minds as He breaks the patterns of this world and transforms us into whom he designed us to be. Hang on to Him as you are doing today for He is holding you from His side too. Your goal is perfect…seeking Him first…all the rest will be given to you as an added bonus! Hugs
I’m always so appreciative of your sweet, thoughtful comments and support, Gisela! I’m really working on “seeking Him first” but unfortunately, this is new to me :). Blogs like yours are really helping me with it! I love what you said about all the rest is “an added bonus.” So true, my friend. Hugs to you!
Oh my goodness. You just made me cry. That was beautiful! I can’t wait to share this with the ladies in my group. Thank you so very much for your honesty & your willingness to share your story! <3
Thanks so much for visiting and sharing, Stela! I’m sorry to make you cry :). I hope they were cleansing, peaceful tears!
I too suffer from (manic) depression. I have turned to God for all of my control issues and have let Him have full reign over all my choices. He knows how badly I want to be His one and only child of God. I also have a serious time with exercising – so I’m going to do just what you did..just go and do my walking. I’m on oxygen so that’s the best I can do but all for Him. Keep up the good work and remember God is not finished with you!! 🙂
I am bipolar, type 2, Rene’. I completely understand what you go through! It sounds like you have a great attitude. I could learn a lot from you :). Walking is a fantastic way to exercise. You are doing great!
Enjoyed your blog and relate to it so well. This is a journey that will take one step and one act of obedience at a time. And reality is that we will not walk this journey perfectly, no, not in the least. Let’s celebrate each small step along the way and quit living in self-condemnation. I think the secret is when we can learn to do that, then when we get down in the darkness, we will get up quicker and faster each time. And we will truly find delight in God’s obedience. Thanks for sharing!
What great advice, Tracy! I spend way too much time condemning myself. You are so right about learning to celebrate successes instead will help us out of the darkness “quicker and faster each time.” It is about making new, healthier habits one step at a time!
Another great blog, Candace!! I’m sorry it has been such a dark week for you. I hate when those times hit. I love the lines you crossed out and I love your Day 1 of finding peace…like you said “one act of obedience at a time!” Thanks again for sharing! 🙂
Thank you, Kim! I am feeling much better today. I have been on the treadmill 2 days in a row. I’m eating much better too, not perfect, but better, and I’m finally satisfied with that :). I hope all is well with you, my friend!
I’m reading this and just wanting to reach right through the screen and give you a hug, girl! You’re amazing and special and loved and not because of your dress size but because you’re you. Oh but it’s so very hard to realize our real worth in the eyes of our God, when we’re surrounded by a culture that worships physical beauty and doesn’t see the soul-beauty. But let me just say it – you have a beautiful soul 🙂
~peace,
LuAnne
You are so incredibly sweet, LuAnne! Thank you for your beautiful encouragement. Hugs to you!
Candace – I LOVE this post. It takes guts to post the truth…the REAL truth.
We have all had those weeks. Maybe not recently and maybe not again…but we wouldn’t be on this journey if we were not all struggling with self-control and self-denial. In fact…I actually wrote a song recently about another verse that expresses that struggle between flesh and spirt. The verse was Galations 5:17 – “For the flesh desires what is contrary to the Spirit, and the Spirit what is contrary to the flesh. They are in conflict with each other, so that you are not to do whatever you want.” It’s not the same without music, but the song lyrics are:
—————————————————————-
TITLE: Galatians 5:17
AUTHOR: Miriam Lind (c) 2014
On days like this
When the sun outside is hiding
My skin feels damp
It’s cloudy in my soul
And I hate this stupid dance
Two step forward another back
Round and round in circles I go
You said You’d purified me
But I still feel so ugly
Don’t like the reflection I see
In the mirror
I know You’re always at work
But Your fingerprints they start to blur
When I get mixed up in myself
Mixed up in myself
I guess that’s how it boils down
A choice between You and my own crown
What kind of obsession
Will I foster?
And I know I’ve sung it all before
Less of me and more of You, Lord
But each time I stand
I fall again.
It’s a push and pull – a tug of war
A battle raging in my core
I feel like Adam and like Eve
Or Eden bursting into weeds
I know Your plan is to redeem
But it takes so long I feel defeat
Where’s the forest through these trees?
Father help me…
Father help me…
Instrumental verse….
It’s for freedom – he set us free
It’s for freedom – he set us free
It’s for freedom – he set us free
It’s for freedom – he set us free..
————————————————–
While I originally wrote this song about some other emotional struggles, God has been impressing it on my heart a lot during this Made to Crave study.
Sorry to write so much. You just sounded like you could relate! Let’s keep each other encouraged. God bless!
Beautiful song, Miriam! Thanks for sharing!
Thank you for this! I have been struggling myself all week, until today. It started for me on Saturday, and was a spiral since. I wasn’t eating good, wasn’t exercising, felt defeated both mentally and physically. And felt like I failed. Then I woke up today and decided that I needed to stop this. I started this to get closer to God. It’s not about “winning”, or how much or how well I do at this. It’s about making sure I am trying. I am not perfect, and He knows that. I will not be a size 6 again….but this isn’t about a number. It’s about turning to him. Loving him and myself, and you said it all perfect! Thank you!!
Amen, sister! I love your attitude, Veronica! Praying for you today, my friend. I hope all goes well tonight.
I teared up there at the end. I love how open and honest you were in this post. And I really agree with your way of looking at things, taking it one small step at a time and finding success in each step.
Thank you, Jessica! I am still a work in progress trying to find success in each step, but so far, so good :). It really has helped my attitude and well-being. It is far too overwhelming to look at my long-range goals sometimes. I think if we break them down in small steps, it really helps to reach them.
First, I want to say, you are NOT alone! I have been on the “I wanna lose weight” roller coaster for 15 to 20 years. I have felt the dark place many times!
Second, during week 1 there was this one blog that talked about the road being paved with grace. That blog really touched me. No matter how many times I mess up, God isn’t going to beat me over the head. He will give me the strength I need each day. My favorite “old” song is “One Day At A Time” (Sweet Jesus)”. If you haven’t ever heard it, look it up on YouTube. In my blog today, I linked to it.
Hang in there! We are doing this thing together! 🙂 God IS with you! Delight in Him and His Words.
Thank you for the encouragement, Vivian! You are so right about how forgiving He is! We are all living proof of that :). I will definitely be over to check out that song. Music has really been so helpful for me lately. I’m still obsessed with our Mandisa theme song, Overcomer. So glad to be on this journey with you!