Many years ago, I sat at my grandmother’s well worn, oak kitchen table talking to her sweet widowed neighbor. This woman lost her husband a long time before our conversation, but her pain was as intense as if he had died the day before. She said to me, “People say time heals all wounds. They’re wrong. It may take the edge off, but there are things we never truly heal from.”
I carried her words with me for ages. I truly believed there were things in my past I couldn’t ever possibly heal from. This is a rather sad and unnecessary way to live.
I recently read a book by Suzanne Eller, The Mended Heart. She believes we can fully mend, and we shouldn’t go at this monumental task alone.
“As you begin to heal, your God is with you every step of the way. You are not alone, and you don’t have to do the work of healing alone.” (p. 28)
Oh how I wish she would have been at that table with me all those years ago. My little girl mind so needed this truth deeply implanted. How different that sweet widow’s life could have turned out with this important advice.
There are many ways our hearts crack over our lifetimes: loss of loved ones, our own sin, the sins of others… We sometimes even find heartbreak at the hands of our church families. Suzanne wisely shares “while a church should be a safe and loving environment, at the core it is simply a gathering of people who need Jesus.”
We all really do just need Jesus. He took all of our burdens upon himself so we could be free. This doesn’t mean we won’t hurt, but it does mean we can mend.
We don’t need to stay stuck. Our lives can heal deeper than just taking the edge off. We deserve more.
My favorite quote from The Mended Heart is this:
Momentum is simply the process of moving forward. There’s no speed limit, and it’s not a race. Momentum is uniquely individual, but it’s also a partnership with God; it’s a “stake in the ground” conviction that resides inside of you and says, “This girl isn’t going to be stuck anymore.”
I tend to feel stagnated if I’m not moving forward at a record pace. Her description of momentum has freed me a great deal. I hope it does the same for you.
As we heal, not only our own hearts mend, but we have a yearning to give this gift to others. That’s where I’m at right now. The next time I feel stuck, I’ll definitely remember how far I’ve come to be at this point of desiring to help others struggling with my many past issues.
I can’t agree more with Suzanne Eller’s thoughts on this topic:
“As you mend, you will discover that you move from needing help to giving it. God will use your story, with the help of the Advocate, to come alongside those who are still a work in progress. They may be traveling down a road you recognize but are no longer on. You understand their challenges. You see through the defense mechanisms and excuses, but you also identify with the deep need. You know in which direction to point in order to help them find hope.”
This is a place of true heart mending…
Where are you on this sometimes incredibly difficult road to healing? Whatever you are struggling with today, know this: He can mend your heart. Keep pressing forward, my friend.
If you have time today, check out the rest of my to be read pile for 2015:
Found this book a little too late. 😛
Great message. Many many people need this. You can’t imagine how many broken people out there needs mending.
I think we all have a few broken places, Lux. I think learning how to help others has definitely done the most mending for me :).
Candace,
I am a witness that God can heal and mend the broken places. His word assures us that He is the restorer of the breach. In 2014 I embarked on a healing journey. With a group of 6 other women, we began to dig deep and uncover past hurts: emotional, physical, mental, spiritual. It has been a remarkable journey. One book that helped me on that journey was A More Excellent Way by Henry Wright. Reading that book was difficult. It was like swallowing a big pre-natal vitamin; its big and nearly choked you going down but it’s for your good.
I pray for you friend as He mends your broken places. And when He is done the result will be a beautiful patchwork quilt to be admired by all. And the quilt will be passed down from generation to generation as a testimony of His goodness.
I need to check out that book, Tyra! Thanks for the recommendation and prayers, my friend :).
Hi Candace! I love the thought that momentum is a gift in itself. You don’t have to worry about how fast or slow, just move forward. That’s so true, especially in the sad things of life. I have several friends who are widows, and they say the pain never stops. With time, it becomes more manageable.
Being able to deal with our cracks and dings means God is with us. How could we do it alone?
Blessings,
Ceil
It is so beautiful that we don’t have to do it alone, Ceil. I tried that way for far too long, and it truly got me no where. My first husband died many years ago, after a long, painful divorce. The cracks from his loss run deep. I have a special place in my heart for widows. Many blessings to you and your healing friends :).
Thank you for this encouraging post, Candace. I love the quote on momentum. That it’s not a race and is uniquely individual. I sometimes am hard on myself for not moving forward faster, so this was a comforting reminder.
I’m glad that quote stood out to you, Trudy. It freed me tremendously! The thought of not trying to race through healing is incredibly comforting :).
Sounds like a wonderful book, and I really like that quote about momentum 🙂
It’s a great book, Akaleistar. We read it in a Proverbs 31 online Bible study. I was going to sit out of this one because of other commitments, but when I heard the name of it, I knew I must read it :).
A wonderful review, Candace! I especially like the quote on “momentum”. How very freeing to realize momentum is individual to us. May we partner with God, all of our days, and move forward with & in & because of Him. Glad we were neighbors this morning!
Thank you, Joanne! I love the thought to “partner with God.” What a beautiful, important, and continuous action it paints for us.
Reminds me of 2 Corinthians 1:3-4. Encouraging post!
I love those verses, Jamie! They fit perfectly here :).
I tend to race through recovery from those things that plague me. Once I discover the issue and the resolution, I want to get on the fast track to wellness. But that momentum of moving forward at a pace that has no speed limit…well, my former self would say, “Great, then let’s speed through it!” My self now says, “This isn’t a race, and you won’t reap the benefits of working through the pain that way. There’s only one way, and it’s to lean on the everlasting arms of God and let Him set the pace.” Great stuff. Visiting from #TellHisStory
I so agree with this, Mary: “you won’t reap the benefits of working through the pain that way.” We must go through our mending at a pace to fully grasp what we need to learn. Thanks so much for sharing your thoughts!
This book sounds incredible. I have read a number of people who have shared their thoughts about it and know that this book would speak to me. I will have to make a note of it because I have too many in my stack that I need to read right now. I like the words that say “momentum is the process of moving forward “. Very freeing to know that we can all go at our own pace. Hope you are well friend! We need to plan to get together soon.
I would love to get together soon, Mary! All is well here. I hope the same for you, my friend. Suzie’s words on momentum are life changing. I breathed a huge sigh of relief when I read them :). Definitely add this book to your to-read list. You won’t regret it!
So glad you shared this at The Weekend Brew.
I always love linking up with you, my friend. I’m planning to join you more consistently soon. This past week was another one of my self-imposed blog vacations :). I hope to see you soon!
Indeed, The Mended Heart is so warm, honest and filled with TRUTH that we can be mended by Jesus.
May I add a book? Dance With Jesus: From Grief to Grace. If you would like to add this to your pile, Candace, email me your address.
Thank you for these beautiful words about Suzie’s book. It blessed me.
You can definitely add your book to my pile, Susan. I think I could learn a lot from you. I’ll send you my address. Thanks so much for your sweet offer.
I have this book awaiting me on my Kindle. Now I’m even more excited to read it after reading your thoughts. So glad you could be encouraged by it and pass that message on to others. Thanks for linking up at #ThreeWordWednesday.
I hope you love it as much as I did, Kristin. I almost sat out of that study but am so incredibly blessed I decided to join in. It’s always great to link up with you, my friend.
Its just so easy. Jesus heals all things. I know he has healed some wrongs in my life and I know how much better my life is because of giving my troubles to Him. I must look up this book. Thanks for sharing
It’s a great book, Tammy. I hope you get a chance to read it. I bought it for the kindle app on my iPad. Jesus has certainly “healed some wrongs in my life” as well. I can’t even imagine where I would be today without Him. I can so relate, my friend!
It’s unfortunate that this lady continued to be heart broken for so long.
I like the author’s definition of momentum too. I’m not doing everything at the speed I would like, but I am moving forward. So, I should be happy with that.
I’m definitely not at the speed I would like either, Sonya. Her thoughts on momentum really helped me come to grips with that. I need to somehow find more joy in the process instead of always obsessing over the final goal :).
That poor widow. I think there are some losses you never forget, but there is definitely healing from the pain that can happen. Jesus suffered all things for us and knows what our pain feels like he can help heal even the deepest of wounds. Very thought provoking post, thank you for sharing!
I’ve often wondered about that sweet lady and if she ever changed her thoughts on healing. I certainly hope she did. I love your point that Jesus knows what our pain feel like and wants to heal us from it. Thanks, Jen!
This is a great post–much encouragement here. I don’t know when I first came across the phrase “wounded healer”, but it has stuck with me. The truth is that God is the great mender of our brokenness. we are much more able to touch the lives when we have been broken AND experienced God’s loving compassion and help for our lives.
Thank-you for sharing this quote: “Momentum is simply the process of moving forward. There’s no speed limit, and it’s not a race. Momentum is uniquely individual, but it’s also a partnership with God; it’s a “stake in the ground” conviction that resides inside of you and says, “This girl isn’t going to be stuck anymore.” So meaningful!
There were so many great quotes in the book, Carol. I wish I could have shared many more, but that momentum one just flew off the page at me. I love the phrase “wounded healer.” Thanks so much for that. It will certainly stick with me as well :).
awesome message.
Thank you, Denise! I’m so glad to have you here :).
Good Morning, Friend …
Somehow I missed this post last week, but I am thankful to have stumbled on it this morning. You got me thinking, as always.
For if God was incredible enough to create us, mending us back together again can’t be out of his realm! Nothing, nothing is too difficult for Him.
Yes, even if the scars remain. And that reality our precious Savior knows …
Hugs to you, Candace …
Hi Linda! Sorry for the late reply. I decided to take another week offline to help my son get ready to start school. He’s all settled back in now :).
Love this, my friend: “Nothing, nothing is too difficult for Him.” Amen! I have to remind myself of that. Power of that magnitude overwhelms me at times, but it’s so true. Many hugs to you!
Thanks Candace for sharing your words of kindness and encouragnment. I got to know this amazing book through your blog and am determined to mend and heal my heart. I love what you mentioned in this post: All what we need to heal is Jesus. We are not alone in this journey. Our Lord is with us in every step.
Blessings
Naz
I’m so glad to have introduced you to this wonderful, healing book, Naz. I hope it brings you much comfort. You are absolutely right: we are never alone. I still have to remind myself of this often. Many blessings to you!
I believe the same – that full healing and restoration is possible, even this side of eternity (and that whatever isn’t finished here certainly will be then).
It can be an incredibly difficult journey, but I completely agree, Michaela. Full healing is truly possible. It’s taken me many years to finally come to that conclusion. It’s definitely life changing!