I’m an incredibly restless person. My mind is in a constant state of spinning, always wondering if I’m doing what I’m supposed to be, living in the right place, reaching out to who needs me…
Lately I’m dreaming of selling everything, moving to the country, and raising a garden and chickens to become completely self-sufficient. I’ve been living in my current home for almost 10 years which is a record for me. The ironic part is we moved here from the country partly because I wanted to be closer to city life.
My husband says being married to me is like hanging on to the back of a speed boat. He speaks the truth. I get bored easily which can quickly bring an intensely uncomfortable restless feeling. That feeling always leads me to a strong need for a big change.
When my daughter and I signed up to participate in a Bible study called Restless, it honestly made me a little nervous. A lot of who I am is wrapped up in my restlessness. I didn’t want it to go away, or be fixed.
Every time I mentioned the study, I called it Reckless instead of Restless. Every time! This Freudian slip made me come to a breathtaking realization.
When I get restless, I get reckless.
I pack up and move. I start a new business or venture without fully thinking it through. I spend an obscene amount of money on some late night infomercial product promising to change my life…
My daughter had a conflict and ended up not being able to join me in the study. I, of course, had my excuse and dropped out too. Luckily the book was already on my TBR list, so I read it anyway on my own.
I’m not sure I have ever highlighted so much in a book before. I even did all of the journal exercises, every one. Unfortunately, that is something I too often skip in books, especially if I’m just reading it on my own.
Here is one of the greatest things I learned about finding home from Jennie Allen:
“Because, you know, we aren’t really in our ‘place’ yet. The place we were made for is coming; no place feels quite right until we are home.”
Our home is with God in Heaven. This was such a lightbulb moment for me. All of those moves, searching for the perfect place to live. I get it now…
What kept coming up in my journaling exercises was my need for love and connection. I found this incredibly eye opening as well. It’s been remarkably difficult to build or maintain intimate relationships with all of the geographical changes I’ve made throughout my life.
Sadly, I’m beginning to think this may have been purposeful, perhaps to protect myself.
It is easier to survive this life on the surface, brushing up against people gently, rather than doing the mess of intentionally loving them. Love takes risk. Love takes forgiveness and grace. Love takes effort, time, and commitment. You commit not to bolt when it gets hard, because it will get hard.
~Jennie Allen
Love really does take all of these things. It can be unbelievably hard, especially for those of us jaded by so many past hurts.
So I guess for now, moving is not a goal. Those chickens and hours of gardening will have to wait. My time is better served by loving more and developing deeper connections with the people in my current spaces, including this beautiful, growing online one.
It’s not about us. We are here for a brief period to serve a greater good and an even greater God. For now this can be more effectively accomplished by continuing to write my story and building community here, rather than distracting myself with moving boxes and farm animals.
I’m so thankful for each of you who continue to walk alongside me on this journey. The deep connections we are able to make in cyberspace never ceases to amaze me. Let’s continue to build this relationship, even when it gets hard…
What do you get restless about? Are you a mover like me? A new business starter? I would love to hear from you!
If you would like to purchase Reckless by Jennie Allen, you can find it here:
*Disclosure: I’m an Amazon affiliate. If you click through and purchase from the above link, I will receive a small commission at no additional cost to you. Thanks for the support!
If you have time today, check out the rest of my to be read pile for 2015:
You’ve written about this beautifully. My whole heart kept saying yes to the things you describe about being restless… I struggled with this very thing not all that long ago. It’s an ongoing lesson, lol. Especially the whole mind spinning… I just keep giving each item back to Him and reach for contentment grounded in Him.
So glad I was your neighbour over at the #RaRaLinkup today 🙂
I’m so glad you were my neighbor too, Christine! It’s great to be connected with you now. This is definitely an ongoing lesson for me too! I can completely relate :).
Hi Candace! I actually own this book already, and I’m so glad you liked it! You are kindred spirits with the author. (I love your husband’s comment about the speed boat!) Whether you call it ‘Reckless’ or ‘Restless’, we all know what you mean.
I know I’m happy to walk with you. Thank you for your blog-friendship!
From #RaRa Linkup,
Ceil
Thank you for your friendship as well, Ceil! My husband has lots of funny lines about me and my issues. I actually keep a note on my phone to add things he says so I can remember them :).
Loved this Candace, thank you. “Because, you know, we aren’t really in our ‘place’ yet. The place we were made for is coming; no place feels quite right until we are home.” Jennie’s quote reminds me of what our former pastor once said, that you should always leave a worship service with a sense of wanting something more, something being missing. It took me a while to understand what he was getting at, but we talked about it later, and he was saying that the ultimate worship will be in heaven. Worship here should leave us with a sense of longing for something more, and that more is what we will experience in eternity. Loved dropping by today!
I love what your pastor taught you, Allie! Thanks for sharing that with me. It really explains so much. I struggle with wanting complete satisfaction here, but I know deep down it’s just not possible. Some day :)…
This is some food great for thought here Candace! I am not really a restless person, but I am aware that long periods of inactivity or not feeling like my actions are accomplishing anything leave me feeling droopy and listless. I help beat that feeling by trying to be purposeful. Just this morning I was chatting with a friend and told her that I try to wake up each day looking for my purpose that day. Sometimes it is the same long term purpose I have of being a wife and mother, but quite often there are other little and small purposes or activities I can do to help bless the lives of others during that day.
That’s a wonderful way to live, Jen. Small activities blessing others can lead to huge things. Droopy and listless are great ways to describe inactivity. I really struggle with laziness and I feel both of those often. I have to be extremely intentional to stay on purpose.
Gosh, Candace, this was magnificent. I kept saying, ‘yes, yes’ to your words, to where you find yourself.
You’ve opened yourself up to us in a way that is truly beautiful and honest in the loveliest sense of the word. My heart is touched.
I need re-read this post one more time.
May this week be filled with that love and connection that you, we, are seeking. And may we find that deepest sense in Him.
Thank you so much, Linda! I hope you are having a loving and connected week as well, my friend!
Oh my, this so speaks to my search for more…more education, my blog, now my new business venture. Always searching to grow and expand to feel that restlessness. I just never called it restlessness. I’m definitely going to check out that book.
It’s a great book, Sandy! I actually bought it a while ago when the kindle version was on sale for 99 cents. That was before I knew my church planned a study on it. God definitely led me to it. I so feel your pain on that constant searching, my friend!
Thank you so much for sharing your story and how the Lord ministered to you through the Bible study.
I love reading testimonies of how the Lord is working in a believer’s life and all the Glory it brings Him.
🙂
I love reading testimonies too, Karen. It’s always so uplifting to see what He is truly capable of :).
So true, I guess it’s only natural to get restless because we are not Home, our forever Home, yet. But we have purpose while here so I will strive with you not to be restless or reckless…
That was so incredibly enlightening to me, Mindy! It explains a lot about my past restlessness and need to move around. We can do this, my friend :).
Oh Candace… you write so beautifully about this book and your powerful insights you gained from reading it, AND doing all the exercises!! (I do that too- blow off the hard parts and just read…so good for YOU!)
I think we are all restless, but I love how this author challenges us to seek those relationships of love and live in them intentionally. It’s NOT easy… it’s easier to ‘move’. But it soooo worth it. I’ve learned that along the way.
I’m quickly learning that too, Chris. It’s definitely worth it to invest time in people and connecting. I was so proud of myself for doing all the exercises :). Just reading along is so much easier, but it doesn’t make as strong of an impact, by any means.
Well, sweet friend here I stand on the other side of restlessness with analysis paralysis. I am a recovering perfectionist so that keeps me in the same place for too long. It took me nearly 4 years after God said “GO” to launch my blog. Even then, and still today I’m concerned because it’s not perfect. But this is where I collide head on with trusting God. If I really trust Him, I will move. If you really trust Him you will stand still long enough to receive the next set of instructions. So friend we sway at opposite ends of the pendulum. When the pendulum stopping swimming, we find REST in Him. Praying an abundance of grace toward you today 🙂
Wow, 4 years! I’m so glad you finally listened and created your beautiful, inspiring blog, my friend. I know you definitely encourage me there. I get into analysis paralysis too. I swing on that pendulum far too often, Tyra. You are so right though, we can find rest in Him. Praying you continue to find grace and rest as well :).
Oh, I love that book! I remember being encouraged that God works wherever we are. Thanks for faithfully linking up at #ThreeWordWednesday.
It is a fantastic book, Kristin! I’m glad I broke down and read it :). That was one of the most encouraging parts for me as well. He really does meet us wherever we are. It’s always my pleasure to link up with you, my friend!
Oooh, this sounds like a book that I need to read.
I am restless too. Much of what you described, I could identify with.
Thanks for sharing and for linking up to the #SHINEbloghop.
Wishing you a lovely day.
xoxo
It really calmed me a great deal, Jennifer. I have a long way to go, but at least I’m not collecting moving boxes right now, which is definitely progress. Wishing you a lovely day as well!
You know I love this book and found that I gained so much insight into myself by reading it. One of the greatest things I learned from this book is that our next great thing could be right where we are and if so God has you right where he wants you. This book is actually on my list to re-read. So glad you read this book and loved it. Hope your week has been blessed.
Hi Mary! I actually remembered you telling me the importance of doing the exercises in this book. You definitely get partial credit for me taking the time to do them :). It really made a difference. Thanks, my friend!
How inspiring! I’m adding this to my reading list 🙂
It’s a great read, Akaleistar! I hope you gain as much from it as I did :).
YES. I read this book last year and felt so very connected to this subject. It actually brought me to the decision to jump into the blogging world with both feet instead of one foot in and one foot up in the air! I feel such a connection with your posts, probably because we share our faith in the Lord!
Thanks for sharing, Candace!
Writing and blogging has really helped my restlessness tremendously as well, Ruthie. It’s stabilizing to feel as if we are on the path God wants us on :). I’m so glad to connect with you!
I love to stay in the same place and never change–God has to push me to change; but it would be nice to run from the hard things sometimes. I’m so glad God gave you this book to help you discover more about yourself and Him.
My son has an incredible aversion to change too, Tammy. I’ve honestly never seen another person as intense about it as he is. This helps me be a little more stable so as not to rock his world too often :). God definitely put this book in my hands!
We have eternity awaiting – our forever home. Thank you for inclining my heart to this destination this morning. You encourage me for sure. Cheering you on from the #RaRalinkup on Purposeful Faith.
Thanks for your always appreciated cheers and encouragement, Kelly! I love the thought of “our forever home.” It’s really such a peaceful and beautiful visual :).
This sounds like a really good read. I feel restless at lot too. I feel like I always need to be doing something. Lately, I haven’t been taking enough time to relax and destress. I’m going to have to add this book to my reading list.
I’m still working on those relax and destress moments, Sonya :). I feel your pain, my friend. I hope you get a chance to read this. You could get a lot out of it.
The world is our temporary home to me because I know my forever home is heaven. I think we all have struggled with being unsure about this or that. I know when I went through my divorce and moved from the state I had lived most of my life in. I struggled so much over that. What have I done? I left the only place I ever knew. But, God had a plan for me and now I know him better than ever!!!
Divorce can throw our entire world upside down, Tammy. I’ve been there, my friend. God most definitely has a plan for us, even though it’s hard to see at times. I’m feeling closer than ever to Him lately as well :).
Boy, am I another restless soul. We want to get things done and get things done now, in the way we want it too. Worry creeps in all the time.
Thanks for sharing this read. I have to take it easy I know.
Have a calm and relaxing weekend, Candace. 🙂
Impatience and worry. I’m with you, Lux! God’s timing is so much better than ours, but we don’t always realize that when we are in the throes of something. I hope you had a beautifully relaxing weekend as well :).
I really loved this post. Such a thought provoking topic– especially since I am quite restless myself. lol. Thanks for the insights!
It’s an easy state to find yourself in, Sara. It can be so hard to get out of though. I hope this helps you some :).