What I Reach For to Feel Better

40 Days Toward Sugar Freedom · Week 2

Earlier this week, I made three separate online purchases in one day.

That little spending spree stood out to me.

My husband recently retired, our budget is tighter, and I haven’t been spending much lately. This wasn’t a normal shopping day for me. It was also a hard emotional day, and somewhere along the way I noticed something.

Shopping made me feel better.

Not permanently and nothing dramatic happened, but there was a little lift each time. Something to anticipate. Something new. A distraction from how I was feeling.

That made me wonder: If I’m not automatically reaching for sugar to change how I feel, what might I reach for instead?

Week 1 of this experiment showed me that being sugar-free and finding sugar freedom aren’t necessarily the same thing. This week seems to be taking that idea somewhere deeper.

The things I reach for

Sugar has often been one of my easiest ways to change my mood.

Earlier in the week, I was anxious and a little weepy. I wanted something sweet because I knew it would probably make me feel better for a while. When I didn’t eat it and the anxiety didn’t disappear, I kept resisting even as the feeling grew heavier.

I don’t know how much changing my sugar habits had to do with how emotional I felt, and I’m not trying to diagnose that. What I do know is that one of my familiar ways of making myself feel different wasn’t available.

Then came the shopping.

Once I noticed what was happening, I decided not to shop again for the rest of the week so I could pay attention to what I did with those feelings instead.

That led me to a few other things I sometimes reach for without thinking much about why: scrolling, snacking, and streaming shows. Apparently my coping habits have a thing for the letter S.

I’m not making a new rule that all of those things are bad. I like shopping. I definitely like snacks. I enjoy scrolling sometimes, and there is a Lifetime movie for almost every occasion.

The question I’m becoming more interested in is not only what I’m doing.

It’s what job I’m asking it to do.

Same thing, completely different reason

A couple of moments this week helped me see that more clearly.

One day I sat outside under the trees in our backyard and watched the chickens. I had forgotten how much I enjoy doing that. I didn’t suddenly become cheerful and carefree, but I was more settled afterward.

The patio escape felt different from the shopping. I wasn’t chasing the next little lift. I felt like I had made some room for myself to breathe and let the day be what it was.

Another day, my stomach was upset and I felt awful, so I went back to bed and watched a Lifetime movie.

Streaming is technically on my S list, but I don’t think I was avoiding anything that day. I was sick and tired. Resting in bed with a movie was exactly what I needed to do.

Then there was one more online purchase: a $10 Dolly-style wig for my porch goose.

I used a gift card, and I bought it because Dolly Parton had just passed away. The idea of dressing up my goose as a little tribute to her made me smile, and this purchase felt intentional in a way the earlier shopping hadn’t.

That didn’t feel anything like the three purchases I made when I was having a hard day. The activity was the same. The reason behind it wasn’t.

I think that is one of the things I want to remember from this week. Some things help us escape a feeling. Others help us move through it. Some are just enjoyable because we chose them on purpose.

I don’t want to become suspicious of everything that makes me happy. I want to notice when I’m asking something to make a feeling disappear because I don’t want to experience it.

What if I don’t fix the feeling right away?

This may be the harder part for me. When I’m anxious, upset, bored, disappointed, or cranky, my instinct is usually to do something about it.

Eat something. Buy something. Pick up my phone. Find a show. Change the feeling.

There’s nothing wrong with wanting relief. But I’m beginning to wonder how often I give myself any chance to actually experience an emotion before I start trying to get rid of it.

So I want to try a small experiment.

When I notice myself reaching for something mainly because I don’t like how I feel, I’m going to give myself 30 minutes before I automatically do it.

At the beginning, I want to jot down a few things: What am I feeling? What do I want to do? What am I hoping it will do for me?

Then I’ll give myself some space.

I might pray or write. I might step outside, stretch, sit with my husband, read, or do nothing in particular. If I’m actually hungry, I can eat a healthy meal. If I’m exhausted or sick, I can rest.

The point isn’t to find a more acceptable way to make the feeling disappear. I want to see what happens when I let the feeling exist for a little while.

After 30 minutes, I can check in again. I may still choose the snack, movie, scrolling, or even the thing I wanted to buy.

I just want a little space between feeling something and automatically reacting to it.

Letting God into the part I want to escape

This is where the faith part of this journey keeps getting more personal. I’m learning that bringing something to God doesn’t always mean He takes the uncomfortable feeling away.

Sometimes I’m still anxious.

Sometimes I’m still sad.

Sometimes I’m still cranky enough that my husband would probably appreciate a little warning.

What I’m beginning to ask is whether I can let God be with me there instead of only looking for the fastest way out.

Can I tell Him the truth about what I’m feeling before I try to distract myself from it? Can I stay with Him in something I don’t know how to fix?

That feels different from treating prayer as one more tool for making myself feel better.

I don’t want God to become another item on a list of coping strategies. I want a deeper relationship with Him, including the uncomfortable parts of my life I’ve often tried to soothe before I ever brought them to Him.

You may have your own version

Shopping may not be your thing. You might be more likely to scroll for half an hour, make a snack, stay busy, or curl up with a show.

None of those things automatically need to go.

Taking to the bed and streaming a movie can be exactly the kind of comfort I need when I’m sick. A silly purchase for my porch goose can just be fun. Sitting outside can give me room to settle into what I’m feeling instead of trying to outrun it.

Your versions will probably look different, but the same activity can do a very different job depending on what’s happening inside us.

So instead of asking, Should I be doing this? let’s try a different question:

What am I asking this to do for me right now? Sometimes the answer may be, Nothing. I just enjoy it. Other times, we may realize we’re hoping it will make us feel less anxious, lonely, bored, or upset.

You don’t need to pick apart every enjoyable choice you make. The point is simply to notice when something shifts from pleasure or rest into needing it to rescue you from how you feel.

Two weeks in

Two weeks into this journey, I’m realizing that freedom may include something I didn’t expect: being able to enjoy good things without asking them to do more than they were meant to do.

I still want the snack sometimes. I still like shopping. I’m definitely not giving up Lifetime movies, and apparently porch-goose wigs are staying too.

I just want those things to be things I choose and enjoy, not things I automatically need every time life feels uncomfortable.

And when life does feel uncomfortable, I want to learn that I can stay there for a little while, with God, without always needing to make the feeling disappear.

Prayer for the Week

Father, thank You for the good things that bring rest, comfort, and joy to our lives. Help us enjoy them without asking them to carry more than they were meant to. When we want to escape a hard feeling, give us wisdom to recognize what we actually need and remind us that You are with us there too. Teach us the difference between enjoying something, receiving needed rest, and using something because we can’t stand how we feel. Help us keep learning what freedom looks like with You. Amen.

Want to follow the whole journey? I’m keeping every weekly update together in 40 Days Toward Sugar Freedom.