Do you remember that song from the Brady Bunch where Peter belts out lyrics about change in his cracking pubescent voice?
When it’s time to change,
you’ve got to rearrange
who you are and what you’re gonna be…
Those words are constantly singing in my head these days. I’m in the midst of big changes. Not puberty as Peter was so obviously dealing with. I’m far from those days.
My current life is quickly evolving from those mommy days where your kids are in constant neediness to learning how to build relationships in their teen and young adult years. This transition consists of beautiful, life-giving experiences, but it’s also a time of mourning.
I’m grieving the days of cuddles, childhood idealized thoughts that mommy could do no wrong, and quite honestly, naps. My daughter is living on her own now while we create separate lives that are thankfully still very much connected. My son has recently become a teenager as we await the fragmented speech pattern Peter Brady and all boys must suffer through as they turn into young men.
Even with a great deal of effort spent transitioning into these new relationships, most of my days are filled with learning who I am and what I’m going to be, just as Peter and his 5 siblings sang about all those years ago. I actually get to make choices about how I spend my time rather than the minutes being driven by small children tugging at me.
I’ve found a love of writing, using it as an outlet to share my testimony. My friendships are chosen carefully and have the time to blossom instead of relying on moments at children’s events and whoever happened to be in attendance. I can spend hours reading next to my son on the couch, each of us enjoying separate books.
These are the things we can look forward to with passing years. Time of our own. Transitioning, yet still incredibly love-fueled relationships. Quiet moments to read an entire chapter of our favorite book without interruption.
God gives us seasons in life. We have years dedicated to caretaking, whether the focus is small children, aging parents, or another loved one. There are seasons filled with change and learning our new place in the world. Some days are just meant for reflecting on our lives, learning from our mistakes, and remembering all the special moments of our pasts.
There are times I get weepy over seeing babies and knowing my next one will be years away and living with one of my grown children. Many hours have been spent looking in the mirror at a rapidly changing face and expanding midsection. Regardless of these things, I can find joy in the breathtaking, past and current, experiences of the wrinkling, widening woman staring back at me.
There are positives and negatives to each season of our life. We need to hold tight to the beauty of these moments and know any difficulties or associated sadness will soon be gone. This is how I’m choosing peace in this journey, flooding my thoughts with the joyful aspects of passing years and growing children.
So when you see those creases continue to deepen around your aging eyes, remember all the laughter and happy memories that put them there…
There is a time for everything,
and a season for every activity under the heavens
~Ecclesiastes 3:1
Great post- it is true that change can be difficult. I like your reminder that there is beauty in each new season and while we may be sad about things that we are leaving behind, there will be positive things too. It’s definitely a choice to look for joy and contentment.
I so agree about it being a choice we must make, Carly. I’m trying to break out of my negativity lately which comes pretty naturally for me :). There is a great deal of beauty in this season and I’m excited to see where God is leading me next.
Can’t wait to see how change unfolds for you, friend! The most wonderful years are still ahead, waiting, calling your name.
And your children? Just beautiful.
Thank you for your sweet encouragement, my friend. I can’t wait to see my next steps too :). I never imagined how exciting these older years would be, but you are so right, they will be wonderful!
You are entering an exciting time of life. We are always moms but our role changes and with it we are given the gift of time to choose what we want to do and how we fill it. It’s exciting as well as a little scary because we finally learned how to be the caregiving mom of young children. You should open yourself up to possibilities and let God do the rest. Trust me, He will. Thank you for sharing this with all of us.
Yes! Right when we learn to parent these little darlings, they are grown. I so agree, Mary. I’m trying to learn how to just release and let God lead. I’m definitely a work in progress with that :).
OH friend, this is just so beautiful. Your reflection hits my heart hard, as I too am constantly in awe of the FAST changes my children are going through- growing so fast and becoming their own people. I am right where you are- introspection and reflection on who I am, who I will be and what God wants to do with my life as these changes flow with a rapid current.
It’s remarkable, really- the beauty of change and the excitement and sorrow in new seasons and past memories. You shared it so exquisitely here.
Thank you, Chris! I’m still somewhat in shock about how old they are, but I’m quickly coming to grips with it. They really do grow up so incredibly fast. It’s definitely fun though to have some time to focus on ourselves every once in a while these days, isn’t it :)?!
Don’t those years just fly by, Candace? I love the cuddly stage. But yes, there is a time and purpose for every season. You have lovely children. So apparently your son loves to read just as much as his mom? Sounds so cozy. 🙂 Thank you for the reminder to hold tight to the beauty of each season. Blessings and hugs to you!
He loves to read, Trudy. I’m so thrilled about that. He can literally sit for hours with a good book, just like me. When we get to cuddle while reading, well, that is paradise :). Blessings and hugs to you as well, my friend!
What a powerful testimony, Candace! We see some changing seasons ahead and it’s nerve-wracking! Thank you for these encouraging words : )
Thank you, Bethany! Nerve-wracking is a great description :). I have felt that on many occasions as well.
What you describe has been the biggest challenge of parenting for me — I was very focused and happy about “caring for” my kids, but they really don’t need that anymore — And as you said, relationship is the thing. I’m not so good at that, and am trusting for grace to stay in the game and build. God is gracious.
I know God will help you through this transition, Michele. It can definitely be challenging. The relationship evolves in so many ways over time. Blessings to you and your precious family!
Candace, I loved this post for several reasons. I have loved every stage of parenting. Mine are grown, married, and now have children of their own. I still love being their mom 🙂 All the hard work we do while they are growing, grows them into wonderful adults who offer much friendship. And I am so grateful for that. I am not so grateful for the aging face which peers back at me from the mirror though! May we embrace the blessings which God has given us knowing He still has more for us in the days ahead. Thank you for the reminder today!
My aging face still unnerves me a bit every time too, Joanne :). I feel your pain there.
Every stage of parenting really does have some amazing qualities. I’ve loved them all as well. Amen to embracing each of those beautiful blessings!
Hi Candace! I remember mourning the fact that my baby was transitioning to a ‘big girl bed’. I really felt the baby years passing me by then!
You’re so right about having more choices now though. Your children still need you, just in different, less time consuming ways. Both of my kids are now parents, and live out of state. We hear from one daily, the other at least once a week. And those grands!! It’s a wonderful time of life for me. God truly does bless us in each step.
Blessings,
Ceil
I’m so excited about those grands that will enter my life someday, Ceil! Pictures of yours always make me smile big. I can’t believe how long ago that “big girl bed” transition was for us. They really do grow up so incredibly fast.
As much as I hesitate to embrace change, I love seasons. I know that’s weird, but it’s a true juxtaposition of my personality. I love your words here and find much encouragement in them. I’m glad you linked up at #ThreeWordWednesday.
Change can be tough, Kristin, but I understand what you’re saying about loving seasons anyway. I’m certainly starting to really enjoy the one I’m in. It has been quite a journey though :).
Oh that beautiful truth that God gives us seasons in life…. so very, very true. I try to embrace all the seasons – even the tough ones. Regardless, I’m thankful to have the Lord to lean into when the seasons do change.
Thanks for sharing (and for linking up to the #SHINEbloghop).
Wishing you a lovely day.
xoxo
I really struggle with the tough seasons at times, Jennifer. It’s usually when I look back on them that I can see the beauty much more clearly. I love that you embrace them all. I’m really working on doing exactly the same :).
Thank-you for sharing your heart. I love that God gives us seasons in life. I pray that I become more and more aware of which season He has me in at every step.
That is a wonderful and important prayer, Brooke. I think I’ll adopt it as well. Thank you :).
This was beautiful 🙂 I get sad just thinking about by kids getting older and no longer loving me as they do now. I just hope we continue to have a great relationship no matter how old they get.
But some extra time to myself sounds pretty good 🙂
You’re an awesome mommy, Sonya. I love following along on your sweet ventures and outings with your kids. I have no doubt your relationships will only get stronger with time :).
I read this as I take a break in getting ready for my oldest’s tenth birthday party. I love the discussions we are starting to have, but I miss the younger years. Bittersweet, for sure!
Double digits is one of the big birthdays, Sarah. Bittersweet is the perfect word for it. I hope you all had a wonderful celebration!
I only have one child who has been out of the house since he started college. Oh I grieved that first year. I felt like my life had no purpose. And then he came home, after a year of college, for summer time. After a couple of weeks, I asked him when the semester started. LOL
I really do miss the cuddles, when he would ask me how to do something even when he was older. I really miss the “mom” stuff now. I am very grateful he is doing well on his own with his own home and job. But, I miss doing mom stuff for him.
I can so relate to everything you shared here, Tammy. As much as we love them, they can start to grate on our nerves just as we do them, I suppose :).
We raise them to be independent which means we’ve done our jobs well. Then we miss doing all those important “mom” things. I still get to do some of it with my son but my daughter is on her way out of that season. She will be my child that moves far away, even if just for a little while. She just spent the weekend with me though which was wonderful! I hope you had a great weekend as well.