When I was an innocent child dreaming about my future, I never imagined the incredibly dark days that lie ahead. As I’ve shared many times here, I became an addict at the frighteningly young age of 13. This led to places, people, and circumstances that I should have never been associated with.
I thought about the possibilities of God’s existence often throughout those dark years but never allowed myself to fully trust Him. Imagining there was a supreme being allowing me to struggle so desperately always became too much to bear. My decision that the Bible was nothing more than fiction also allowed me to live my messy, selfish life somewhat guilt free.
Almost 16 years ago, I broke free from drugs and alcohol. However, I found myself still trapped so far away from freedom. My new enslaver became the unbearable guilt from far too many mistakes and wasted years.
I learned about a different God around five years ago. One that loved me unconditionally. A God who forgave me for all of my transgressions and truly wanted me to forgive myself as well.
He introduced me to His Son and the most amazing gift they could offer me: Grace. I’m kind of obsessed with grace these days. So much so, I had it tattooed on my wrist recently as a constant reminder.
My mom, being a long-suffering perfectionist, never taught me about grace growing up. Unfortunately, I don’t think she really ever fully understood this free gift to lavish on herself or her children. My dad, an angry and often intolerable alcoholic, was certainly no assistance on this topic.
Grace didn’t come to me until far into my adult years, but when I finally opened my eyes to it, my life truly transformed. I couldn’t believe this man endured the immense pain of hanging on a cross for us to be completely forgiven.
But, He did…
We don’t need to be stuck in our pasts, no matter how dark they are. You may not have the mangled past I do, but we all remember moments and events we wish could be erased.
Here’s the thing… They are erased!
This means that anyone who belongs to Christ has become a new person. The old life is gone; a new life has begun!
~2 Corinthians 5:17 (NLT)
Sweet, victorious new life. We can accept this and let our present and future emit light instead of those shadowy pasts. The choice is ours.
“You are more than the choices that you’ve made,
You are more than the sum of your past mistakes,
You are more than the problems you create,
You’ve been remade.
‘Cause this is not about what you’ve done,
But what’s been done for you.
This is not about where you’ve been,
But where your brokenness brings you to…”
~You Are More, Tenth Avenue North
My brokenness brought me to share my sinful and blissfully forgiven past through writing my testimony in this online space. God can and will use everything that’s happened to you if you just let Him. No matter what you’ve done, you are loved and worthy of a new start.
If you have a minute, check out this video from Tenth Avenue North quoted above. It’s my theme song…
Grace.
Oh yes, Candace.
Where would we be without His never-ending mercy on our lives. Your story touches some place deep within. I praise God for what He’s done and continues to do in you and through you.
I’m so grateful to know you, friend …
I’m so grateful you are in my life as well, Linda. The beauty of grace is truly never ending. Many blessings to you, my friend!
i love your posts on grace. it really gets you thinking introspectively.
Thanks, Roaen. Grace really is so incredibly life changing. I wish everyone would just accept it, but so many are still lost in their shame and guilt. There are definitely still days I struggle in this area as well though. It’s a journey :).
Hi Candace! You are so strong in your faith now, I can’t help but think that it comes from the powerful grace of our God who never gave up on you. Never. As the song says, “Don’t you know who you are?” Love this song, btw. I’d never heard it before, but it’s wonderful.
We’ve all been renamed. Something to count on every day…
Blessings,
Ceil
I’m so glad to be able to introduce you to that song, Ceil! I absolutely love it. I think I get teary eyed every time I listen, but it always leaves me refreshed. It’s on my phone, so I can get my daily fix :).
I’ve always have this knowledge but somehow a certain weight was lessened when I read this. We need to be reminded of this plain simple and beautiful truth all the time. 🙂
It is a daily necessity to find grace. I can completely relate to the need for reminders, Lux!
Your testimony is powerful! A lot of people including me sometimes forget that God forgive us of our sins and we should not carrying the guilt of it! We are new creatures and have great and beautiful future in God!
Thank you, Lanae! I wish I could stay guilt was no longer a struggle for me, but it’s a continued journey. God definitely provides a “beautiful future” regardless of our pasts if we just let Him :).
Oh Candace such a beautiful testimony. I had a sign on my desk at work for a very long time, “Grace – It’s Amazing”. Thank you Lord! Blessings on your journey friend. ~~Visiting from Testimony Tuesday
What a perfect sign to see every day, Carmen. I may have to make one of those :). Blessings to you as well!
Thank you for sharing this beautiful testimony of God’s amazing grace, Candace. I’m so sorry for all the pain you went through in your life, in your childhood and later as you tried to fill the aching, empty places in your heart with drugs and alcohol. I thank God that He taught you His love is unconditional! And He is truly using your pain for a purpose as you write and share what He has done for you and in you. Your story is an encouragement to many.
Thank you for your loving words, Trudy! It’s tough to share those darker places sometimes, but as you know, it can free both others and ourselves :). His love is truly unconditional and the most healing element we will ever be blessed with.
Love you sweet friend! Grace is such an amazing thing to me as well and the fact that God extends it to me daily is beyond me. You and your story are God’s gift to yourself and to others and I am blessed to know you through this space and in real life. Hugs and much love friend!
I’m so blessed to know you as well, Mary! I love reading about grace in your space. I don’t think we can ever get enough reminders of this precious gift :). XO!
What an inspiring reminder about grace! Grace is something I too easily overlook. Something to work on…
It’s a work in progress for me too, Akaleistar. I can completely relate! The tattoo is helping me a great deal :).
Thank you for sharing your story and for linking-up with Three Word Wednesday. What a gift His grace is, may we learn to receive it and extend it better each day, but if we don’t there is grace for that too. 🙂
Thanks for hosting, Katie! I love your words here :). There is definitely grace in every area. All we need to do is accept it. It’s a journey for me as I learn to let go of a little more unnecessary guilt every day.
I love reading this post!!! Grace is awesome 🙂 I love you tatoo, I thought it was a photo edit at first. It’s nice and colorful.
Thank you, Sonya! The picture is from the day I got it, right before he bandaged it. The colors didn’t stay quite that bright. I still love it though. It’s such a wonderful daily reminder :).
Thanks for sharing, Candace!
It’s always wonderful to share about grace, Tami :). Thanks so much for stopping by!
Thank you, Candace, for sharing this beautiful gift of God’s grace in your life. We do all have a story! You are awesome and I love you dearly! Keep writing!
We really do all have a story to tell, my dear friend. I love you too, Mary! It’s always so great to see you :).
I don’t know where I would be today if it hadn’t been for finding out about Grace. I have held grudges for a long time that have just ate at my soul. I was miserable and turned to food. My drug of choice. But then hubby and I surrendered and our lives have never been better. The greatest gift for anyone. Love the tat!!
Thanks, Tammy! I’m a big fan of tattoos :). Grace really is the absolute greatest gift. I must admit to still holding a grudge or two, but I’ve come a long way. I’m so with you on the food issue. That’s the one addiction I still can’t seem to break. I’m glad to hear things are going so well for you and your hubby! What grace has done to my life has been truly phenomenal as well. I wish everyone would open their hearts to it!
Hello Candace, we are all a works or projects of grace. I am so blessed and uplifted by your testimony!
Thank you for your openness and sincerity.
God bless your heart and ministry.
I’m so glad you were uplifted here, Ifeoma. Thank you so much for your sweet comment! Many blessings to you :).
Hi Candace,
I am really glad that I found your beautiful blog from Holley’s blog. My heart really aches today as I found out a dirty secret from my son last night. I feel shattered and just constantly talk to our Lord Jesus to save him from darkness. I was sitting on a train back from work to see a counsellor to talk about my son, prayed to Lord, ‘Heavenly Father, I feel terribly worried now , please help me to settle my crazy mind by reading a post from a Christain writers I might find on the net. Lord, please tell me what I should know.’ I just read your comment on Holley’s blog and clicked on your name to see your blog, which brought me to this touching post that talked with me deeply! Praise Lord for his abundant Love and Grace. Please kindly pray for my son as well to be saved by Grace of Lord like you, my dear sister.
Much love,
Naz
Your story is so touching, Naz. I’m praying for you and your son, my sweet sister. I’m living proof of the incredible possibilities of being saved by grace. How blessed I feel that you made your way here. I’m looking forward to getting to know you better. Please keep me updated on any specific ways you need prayer. I know issues with our kids are so heart wrenching. We just love them in such big ways! Many blessings and much love to you.
“Sweet, victorious new life. We can accept this and let our present and future emit light instead of those shadowy pasts. The choice is ours.” Such a beautiful reminder and I loved your image and tattoo! Thank you for sharing your story and the song! God is so good!
I’m in love with that song, Michelle :). It’s so inspiring. God is truly amazing! I’m still in awe of how far He has brought me on this crazy journey. Thanks for your encouragement!
Candace, thank you for sharing your story and being vulnerable so that you may touch the lives of others. Grace is a really good thing to be obsessed with, and it’s something that I rely on daily. We all continuously fail because we are human, but God loves us anyway. We need to love and forgive ourselves just like He loves and forgives. Blessings to you!
I completely agree with you, Laura. It is a continuous journey. Thank God for forgiveness. I use it often :). Blessings to you as well!
Candace your story is so lovely, not without it’s hurt and pain of course, but lovely that you found Him and through his love have found peace and grace!
Thank you, Jen! It really all has a purpose, even the pain. Grace is something I definitely use daily :).
*Tears* This is just absolutely beautiful, Candace. Oh, thank our Heavenly Father for His precious gift of Grace!!! You are shining His Merciful light so brightly, my friend.
I LOVE your TATTOO!!!!
Thanks so much, Chris! My tattoo is such a fun reminder for me. I just got it touched up yesterday :). It’s so good to see you, my friend!
This is a beautiful post Candace. I love your tattoo, the artist did a wonderful job. My dad used to tell me when I was little, you can’t have Hope without Faith and Grace! Hugs to you!
I love that quote from your dad, Jane! Thanks so much for sharing it. I just got the tattoo recently. I’m kind of obsessed with them. It’s my 4th :).
Amen! Thank you so much for the nice comment you left on my addiction post, that is what brought me to your site and ultimately to this post. We have many similarities. I also became addicted at 13. In my post I said I was an addict for 3 years, but that was only counting the meth years, which in my mind were the worst, but there were many years before and after of other drugs as well. I completely agree with you about grace. Even after being saved, I struggled with forgiving myself, until one day God’s words jumped off the page to me…”Neither do I condemn thee…go and sin no more.” and I knew than that I didn’t have to carry my past around with me. God didn’t condemn me, so I didn’t have to condemn myself. Thank you so much for sharing your story! I am glad that I found you, and I have followed you on your social media channels as well.
I was so happy to find you, Miranda! I always love meeting a sister in recovery :). I’m thankful to be connected now and look forward to getting to know you more.