We are of no use to anyone if we don’t take time to relax and refill. Being a giving, loving mother, wife, daughter, … is impossible without giving to and loving ourselves.
I know as a Christian we are taught to put others first. I understand. However, if I don’t take time out to recharge, I’m completely incapable of caring for anyone.
I have learned this the hard way.
When I first entered recovery from drugs and alcohol almost 15 years ago, my body was in deep despair on so many levels. I thought if I could just throw myself into taking care of my daughter and shortly after my sobriety began, my new husband, everything would be perfect. I would suddenly be redeemed.
We all know it is not serving others that brings us redemption and forgiveness, but that’s a story for another day…
During those early days of recovery, my body collapsed in exhaustion while my mind raced with all I should be accomplishing. Many days were spent in bed, which could have been in a peaceful, healing way, but instead those days were filled with guilt leading to more exhaustion. A vicious cycle that took years to escape…
Today, I know how to relax. I realize the importance of time for myself in order to carry out the many roles God has granted me.
Here are a few of my favorite ways to Relax and Refill:
Bible Study and Prayer
I go to Him. So many days I feel helpless and afraid, overcome with worry about my husband, kids, or life in general. Opening up my Bible brings immediate relief. It’s not only the words written inside, but also my dedicating those moments to God. He notices.
God has placed within us a deep need for Him. I have heard it said that we all have a “God-shaped hole” in our hearts that nothing else can fill.
~Lysa TerKeurst, Am I Messing Up My Kids? (p. 60)
He wants us to only be completely refilled by Him. I tried so many other things in my life to fill my “God-shaped hole” and now I know why they never worked.
Rest
As stated earlier, I used to feel so guilty for my time relaxing in bed. This one is a fine line for me due to the depression that overtakes me at times. I’m slowly learning the difference in days spent cuddled in my bed to recharge and those stemming from the darkness of mental illness.
Last weekend, I spent a day in bed with my son. We read, watched movies, and ate most of our meals there. We have done this before. Many times. This particular day though, I let myself relax into it. I didn’t stress about all we could be doing. We laid there with no worries, and refilled.
Writing
Everyone can find refuge in journaling their worries, triumphs, and life experiences. I feel so blessed to have this space to share my stories. The therapeutic benefits of writing continue to astound me.
*What helps you to relax and refill? I would love for you to share ideas with us in the comment section…
Your day with your son sounds lovely. I’m headed to spend a few relaxing days with my son and his wife. Some time to be refreshed is truly needed. So thankful for how He provides. Blessings. xoxo
Have a wonderful, safe trip, Beth! I’m sure you will return relaxed and refreshed :). Blessings to you!
relax, refill. how soothing this invitation is. i’m so drawn to this Candace. it’s in the solitude and silence that I’m replenished. unplugging can help, but the pull to put pen to paper can be strong. i need to ask myself what will draw me closer to the One who will do the refueling?
and I guess that’s different for each one.
thanks for this gift today …
The word solitude always brings a smile to my face, Linda. My husband recharges by being around people. I’m the opposite- I need my precious alone time. I love my son dearly, but I’m looking forward to getting back on schedule when school starts back. My study and prayer time with God has been lacking this summer.
Thank you, once again, for this lovely post. The two words speak worlds to me: Relax and Refill…we refill while we relax, all in Him who provides both. I love summer because I can be outside and that is one of God’s gifts. He provides warm, sunny, lazy summer evenings for me to enjoy in my deck, and that is my primary way to unwind this time of the year. I just sit there, with a good book or nothing…just sit and enjoy His presence. I have to admit, some times I do bring my laptop out with me too 🙂 like right now : ) but in a way, being outside makes it instantly less stressful for me…even if I’m working. Thank you again for your post. Also, your day with your son sure sounded great! I’ve done similar things, not all day, but we have done early night time in the weekends, and all 4 cuddle up in our bed to watch a movie and fall asleep…since we don’t have a king size bed, it’s needless to say, some of us sometimes wake up on the floor the next morning : )
I love the sunshine of this season too, Gisela! I have spent far too much time indoors this summer and it’s driving me a little crazy. I don’t know why I don’t sit on our patio more. It seems like it’s either raining or 90 degrees lately. What a precious nighttime memory for your family! How funny for some of you to end up in the floor. I’m sure it’s so worth it :)!
I agree, it is so important to fill our tank first so we have something to give to others. Not taking care of ourselves just builds resentment and martyr syndrome and that’s bad for everybody.
I’ve found myself getting resentful so many times. It’s mostly of my own doing by trying to be everything to everyone. I really want to get better at teaching my children to rely on God. He is the only one who can truly be everything we need :).
Your ways to relax and refill are excellent and I completely agree that we are of no use to others if we don’t take proper care of ourselves. When my kids were smaller I used to love snuggling up with them during their afternoon naps….now they are older and just always on the go, but I still have to take a nap now and then 🙂 You are very courageous to write about your addiction recovery. Blessings! Karen
Thank you, Karen! I miss cuddling with my daughter so much. She is almost 21 now and doesn’t really like to be touched :). I’m trying to get in all I can with my son before he cuts me off too.
Writing about my addiction has strengthened my recovery. It has really been a gift to me. Blessings to you!
Candace- Thank you for sharing your story and for reminding us of the importance of rest. It’s so hard to demonstrate our trust and surrender in this way…but it’s crucial. I’m glad I stopped by and grateful for your gift with words. Thanks for sharing it here!
I’m so glad you stopped by too, Karen :). Rest is absolutely crucial, but many times our to-do lists trump any relaxation time. I unfortunately get to the point of exhaustion often before I give in.
Candace it is in that solitude we can relax and refill so we can serve. I love relaxing outside and love a windy day in Texas (not really but that’s when the mosquitoes don’t bite) and just taking a walk, or walking and believe it or not I love pushing a mower around our acreage and pool. Much of it is riding but probably an hour is pushing. I have always wanted to take a day to relax in bed, but haven’t done that one yet – sounds like it was a relaxing and refreshing day for you and your son. It’s so true when things are going so bad that if ONLY we would go to the Word and I don’t sometimes like I should when I am in a valley (I do go to my knees). I can remember one early morning my Dad had a heart attack and the roads were iced over and we were 45 min away. I was up crying not being able to head up there and I opened my Bible and the verse Psalm 30:5 and I have never forgotten it – “weeping may endure for a night, but joy cometh in the morning.” Fortunately, the next morning my kids and I got in our Suburban and headed to the hospital and spun off the road and I also remember that – in a field of snow – my son says, “Mom that was fun”. We made it though and Dad did too that time. Thanks for sharing. Debbie W. (Proverbs 31 Ministries OBS Team)
You must try a lazy day in bed, Debbie :). It is an incredible way to recharge. I can’t imagine what you went through not being able to get to your dad at such a scary time. You were smart to pull out your Bible. I need to make that more of a habit in those difficult times. It’s amazing how He will bring us to the perfect verse every time!
Candace, I love your favorite ways to relax & refill! Awesome! I need one of those days just laying around & doing nothing myself!
Yes you do, Tonya! You deserve a lazy day to yourself, my friend. Thanks for all you do for us group 7 girls. I so appreciate you. XOXO!
This is great Candace. I think our fast paced society breeds this idea that resting and refilling is wrong. I’ve thought about this a lot lately. How distracted and busy we are and how much we are robbing ourselves.How all this rushing is a rush to lose ourselves in disjointed activity so we don’t deal with those right around us. Something that you do not see in the bible is a ‘hurried Christ’. Even in His coming. He isn’t rushing, He is intentionally living, always taking time for relationship over activity. Your day in bed sounds therapeutic to me and I’m glad you had the guts to do it and relinquish the guilt!
I completely agree with everything you’ve said here, Somer! We are so ridiculously “distracted and busy”- it’s frustrating. I love how you pointed out we don’t see hurried living in the Bible. That is very eye-opening. I’ve honestly never thought about that. Great point and reminder!
wow candace, such candid post. i love your ways to relax and refill! and the day spent in bed? priceless! i need to do that with my boy. thank you so much for your honesty
You must try it, Chica! They will only be willing for so long :). I’m glad my son absolutely loves to relax. He is a great influence on me.
I just rolled out of bed!!! I have been relaxing and refilling! Staying away from electronics whenever possible, swimming, walking, taking drives in the country with the love of my life (my husband) and recharging my mind and heart with the Word!! This blog Candace is just affirmation that God is pleased with me taking care of myself His creation so I can better serve Him during our busy fall schedule! Love you and keep on blogging ❤️
Good for you, Amy! It sounds like you are living a beautiful, peaceful life these days. I have no doubt God is pleased with you :). Love you too, my friend!
The verse you chose! Sometimes I just drop everything at the word “Come” because I know who said it and why. Thank you for the reminder to give ourselves some space for rejuvenation. Nice! (And, yes, that day with your son sounds like a dayful of precious memories… for both of you!)
It is such an inviting verse, Janet. I love the simplicity of it and how easy it is to remember. When I get to the word rest in it, I actually feel some relief regardless of my state when the verse comes to mind.
Yes, my lazy days with my son are definitely precious memories :)! I’m so thankful for them.
I love this verse!! another favorite really! yes you are right, we can’t always put others first. I do feel guilty about relaxing but learning to let go!
I have felt guilty for relaxing far too long, Sophie. I can completely relate. Our mind and bodies can only do so much. Think of it as being productive in a way, recharging your batteries :).
My DH loves to drive and I hate it. One of my favorite ways to relax is to let him drive on a shopping trip to another town. it gives me time to relax and connect with him and he gets to do what he loves!!
My husband and I have some of our best conversations in the car. That’s a great way for you two to relax and connect with each other, Teressa. It’s nice that he loves to drive. That really works out for both of you :).
Candace, if I don’t relax & refill I’m no good to anyone, esp. God. Thank you so much for this beautifully written blog. Love you, gal!
I’m right there with you, my friend! It has taken me a long time to learn that valuable lesson. Love you too, Mary!
Great ideas to relax! I would love to give in with abandon and spend the day in bed reading, watching tv and eating! Not sure I could pull it off….maybe if everything else was already done! I am a multi-tasker so it is hard to relax. I can when I am in pain or sick. I know sometimes the Lord slows us down too!
I felt the Lord slowing me down by giving me physical symptoms, Ann Marie. It was the only thing that would make me rest without feeling guilty. The more I rest now when not feeling ill, the less I seem to get sick. Try to pull off a day, or even half of one, in bed. You won’t regret it :)!
At the moment…I’m doing the relax and refill moment. Sitting and looking at the study book, the Word, praying and offcourse reading a blog post or two 😉 husband is at work, my almost 3 year old is at daycare and the new addition is finally asleep after loads of screamimg. Everything is quiet…its a wonderful feeling. I enjoy your blog…thsnks for posting…sharing your struggles and showi g us how we too can overcome with a liitle tlc for ourselves too…much blessings!
Your moment sounds blissful, Sabrina! Enjoy every second of peace and quiet you have right now. I know it’s not always easy with a new baby around :). Many blessings to you!
Great as always. I like to play golf and walk the course. I can see God’s beauty and talk to him while walking. Although sometimes when my husband goes crazy it is not so peaceful, lol. Thanks for your thoughts and sharing. Love that God shaped hole idea. So true, guess I am going to have to read that book also.
I really want to learn how to play golf, Cathy. I think it is a great hobby on so many levels. You exercise, spend time with your hubby and God… My husband would ruin my peace from going crazy at times too :). He is very competitive and absolutely hates to lose. You should really check out the book if you have time. I’m finding it so helpful already. I bought the kindle version. I think it was only $2.99.
Thank you so much for this today. The past 2 weeks have been a little hard on my husband and I. He had neck disc replacement and its been a struggle with his recovery. But, the past few days have been such a blessing and he is doing so much better. But your reminder of “come to me” made me realize that is what I should’ve been doing the whole time. Thank you again Candice for your encouraging words.
I’m so sorry to hear about your struggles, Tammy! As wives and mommies, we put everyone else first, especially when health issues arise with them. You deserve, and need, time to yourself. Going to God is the best way to re-energize :)! I’m glad things are improving over the past few days. The light is so much brighter after a time of darkness.
Actually, the thing that helps me relax and refill is knowing someone has been where I am at.
I tend to be so hard on myself, I need to know others have come out on the other side.
Praying with my husband helps me to refuel, if you will.
I am visiting from `Make My Saturday Sweet`
I’m so hard on myself too, Michelle. Knowing others have survived our struggles, made our mistakes… can be freeing. I completely understand :). Thanks for visiting!
Thanks Candace 🙂
Great points, Candace! For me, being out in nature, even if it’s just my front porch! just sitting, listening. God speaks to me most profoundly through His creation. Have a blessed weekend!
Nature is incredibly refilling, June! I don’t get out in it as much as I should, but I’m working on that :). I hope you had a blessed weekend as well!
This is so true Candace. I needed to read this. I stayed up late last night and watched a movie and knitted some and it was so relaxing. I need to take more moments to enjoy myself and relax.
I’ve heard such great things about relaxation through knitting, Sonya. I’m going to have to learn someday. So glad you had some time to yourself last night. Those moments can be hard to come by, but are so necessary!
I agree. Sometimes with all the hustle and bustle we do not take time to rest. I have come to realize that rest is just as important as doing. In fact, it is more important, because I feel so much better and recharged after resting. This is an awesome point.
I so agree with you, Betty, that rest is even more important than doing! We always seem to put it last on our list, or not there at all. I’m really working on keeping it higher on my priority list :).
When I get in the midst of “busy-ness” and neglect my self-care, I have a friend who tells me, “It’s like what they say on an airplane. Put on YOUR oxygen mask before helping someone else with their’s.” It makes sense!
I’m glad to know that someone else knows about the guilt associated with staying in bed, even if it is due to depression. However, I’ve always tried to keep in mind that my body IS sick and maybe needs that rest. I was pretty much forced to get off my hectic schedule and lie-low for several months while I was dealing with severe depression this year, but I learned the value of taking care of my body because if I had continued to wear it out, recovery from the mental illness would’ve taken longer.
Mental illness is incredibly difficult to live with. I feel your pain, Terri. I have lived my whole life with it. I love that oxygen mask analogy. I use it often as well :). Such truth! I hope you are feeling better and am glad to hear you allowed yourself rest. So many of us struggling with depression use everything we have to just keep going. There comes a time where we must rest and restore. Many blessings to you!