I’ve used a number for several years now to determine my worth. It’s that 3-number set I see below me on the scale every morning. I’m constantly amazed by how my attitude for the entire day is completely dictated by it.
A few months after I started writing in this space, I shared this same issue. I wish I could say things have improved over the past year and a half. They haven’t. My obsession has remained the same.
Two incredibly exciting trips are coming up for me. In two weeks, I’m going to my first blog conference. Instead of focusing on meeting some of the amazing bloggers I’ve followed for so long and learning much needed sanity tips for this sometimes overwhelming online job, I keep thinking about what that morning scale number needs to read before I go.
In November, I’m taking an anniversary trip with my husband to Aruba. While I should be thrilled about spending a week alone with my hubby on a breathtaking beach after surviving 15 years of marriage, I’ve been completely fixated on how mortified I am at the thought of wearing a bathing suit.
I could be thankful about getting this trip for free from travel points after my husband’s many business trips this year. Instead, I find myself wallowing in how I got my body to its current state.
Here is what I’ve decided: God will not let me release this weight until I stop obsessing over that number and putting all my self esteem into it. I seem to keep learning this over and over. It’s time to start living with a new truth.
We are so much more than that number on the scale. It doesn’t define us. This obsession must stop. We are strong, beautiful, and capable children of God.
I want to focus on what I’m doing right for a while. When I wrote about Health as my word for 2015, I made a commitment that no matter what happened with the scale, I would not give up. I’ve kept that promise to myself.
I’m attending an online nutrition and health coaching program. I plan to be my first client. It’s quite time consuming and was a stretch to add to my already overwhelmed schedule. But I’m doing it and that counts big.
I’ve continued to share different tips and programs in my monthly Turning to Food series. Even though my scale isn’t moving yet, one of these could be a life changer for someone visiting this online space. The fasting research I’ve started for this series is already changing me on such greater levels than physical health.
THIS:
By choosing healthy over skinny you are choosing self-love over self-judgment. You are beautiful!
-Steve Maraboli, Unapologetically You
Amen… I want to feel healthier on every level, not just defined as skinny by some vague number. I’m choosing self-love. Are you with me?
So, my commitment this month is not to step on that too powerful little scale until the next installment of this series. That will be about halfway between these two upcoming trips.
The conference will be over, so I can’t tie that number to my level of enjoyment there in any way. And my trip with my awesome husband will be too close to obsess over changing the number in monumental ways before our plane takes off.
This month is all about focusing on my fantastic parts: how big I love my family, the way I’ve finally started letting close friends into my introverted life, my special morning time with God…
Tell me one of your fantastic parts! I would love to hear from you in the comments.
If you are new here, my plan and part of my food addiction story can be found in An Addict’s Journey or you may want to check out some of the other monthly updates in the Turning to Food series.
A post after my own heart<3. I threw away my scale 10 years ago when I decided to start my healing journey. I still don't own one and refuse to this very day. I go by how my clothes fit and that's it. Enough for me, and I always hated math anyway!;)
You are so impressive, Heather! I can’t imagine not weighing for 10 years. I think that’s awesome. Our clothes will certainly tell us the same thing in a nicer way :). I’ll have to try that method for a while. So good to see you!
Oh my gosh, I love your honesty, Candace
So amazing…….. thank you. I have not struggled as you have by any means…..but I do deal with self esteem and ‘size” issues and reading your quotes about being more than the number on teh scale was wonderful.
Thank you, my friend.
I always love visiting.
Thank you, Chris. I always love your visits as well :). I love that quote about healthy vs. skinny. I’m so tired of the harsh judgements I put on myself. I’m definitely choosing self-love for a while!
Hey Candace I’m with you girl. Loved what you had to say. Working g hard on just bring real with myself and others. Being authentic is so hard with low self-esteem but I determined to love and accept myself and others and trust the Lord with the Consequences. You hang in there and try to laser focus on the joy of your trips. <3
Thanks so much for the encouragement, Loresa! I struggle with self-esteem issues as well, actually for as long as I can remember. I’m really learning these days how unnecessary that is. Many blessings to you! Keep up that beautiful love and acceptance, my friend!
Thank you for sharing your journey. I love walking it with you. What a beautiful release it is to define yourself by what you are already doing so well such as loving your family well. Together we will work through this, right Candace! You know my heart too and I can’t wait for us to not only go to Allume together but continue to share our hearts. Hugs friend!
I’m so blessed to have you in my life, Mary. We were definitely brought together for a reason. I’m really excited about Allume. I can’t believe it’s almost here!
Yep, I’ve been stepping on the scale every morning, too. I guess I’m still a bit astonished that the numbers have climbed over the years. They are slowly ebbing downward right now.
But all I really want to be is healthy. That’s my bottom line.
And yes, it would be nice to fit into clothes a size smaller.
But still … I want to live a long and healthy life.
And when all is said and done, that’s in HIS hands, isn’t it. And it has nothing to do with the numbers on the scale.
This post has been helpful, dear Candace. I’m grateful you’re in my world!
;-}
I’m so grateful for you as well, Linda. I so wish you were going to Allume :). You are so right about our life spans being in His hands. I trust Him with those big decisions, but I do hope to get healthier soon to serve out my purpose while still here. I’m loving the word healthy these days. It gives such a broader and truer interpretation than weight does.
Candace, I read your post which I greatly appreciated. Here is what I realized – – – No one at Allume will even be thinking about your weight. They will just be so happy to meet you. Seriously, I would love to meet those whom I have connected a bit with through blogging. And your husband … He just wants to spend time with you – the woman he loves & does life with. Amazing to me to realize how I can see this in your life & yet, obsess the very same way when it comes to myself. Thank you for letting me see the truth through your words regarding myself – others will not see me through the eyes of a scale but through who I am. So glad I stopped here from Testimony Tuesday this morning!
Thanks so much for your sweet encouragement, Joanne. It’s funny how we are bothered by these things that we never see in others. When I meet people, their weight doesn’t even cross my mind, even for a moment. I don’t know why I stay so worried about my own. Changing my attitude to focus on health instead of numbers is helping me tremendously.
Aruba! I am so jealous! Yes, I threw my scale out years ago, actually might have broken and i have never replaced it…. but it just works for me to be active and to not focus on a number or size!
My hubby travelled so much last year that the trip is totally free, even airfare. I’m still shocked about it, Jen :). It’s the only good perk of his many business trips. Thankfully, his travel has slowed tremendously now, but we were able to use all the rest of his old points to go.
I hope my no weighing pledge will last longer than a month. That’s my starting point. I’m so impressed you threw yours out years ago!
I can tell you skinny doesn’t equal healthy. The scale can be so misleading. I weigh a little over a hundred pounds and you would automatically think that meant I was healthy, but a few months ago I learned my A1C levels were close to being prediabetic. Because I had quite a bit of belly fat, I was at risk for diabetes just the same as if I were overweight. So, it’s so important to focus on getting some exercise and eating well to create good health. A number on the scale can’t ensure you are healthy. I know it’s a hard struggle to get there, but I hope you can break up with the scale 🙂
You are so right about a misleading scale, Sonya! I really need to start moving more. I love the idea of your 21 day fix program. I’m still hoping to jump in that someday :). Your results are awesome!
Thank you for being so open and honest, Candace. It truly makes many of us feel less alone. I try not to step on the scale too often and work towards eating healthy. That Steve quote is really great. Your quote – “We are strong, beautiful, and capable children of God.” – is so comforting. I hope you will keep that in your heart as you go to the blogging conference and to Aruba. Enjoy yourself and be yourself, a special person who has so much to offer others.
Thanks so much for the encouragement, Trudy. I’m already feeling a bit freer from the few days I haven’t weighed. It’s pretty exciting :). I love that quote from Steve too. I may have to check out his book!
Candace,
First I am going to Allume and I look forward to meeting you…the beautiful heart that makes you, you, not a number that defines you. As a very emotional eater, I consoled my stress, my despair, all my negative emotions in food. I understand the addiction. It’s taken me 3 years, but I’ve taken off 75 pounds…not so much to look better, but to feel healthier, and to break the old habits I had of turning to food as my comfort. It’s not easy by any means…but I am learning that God loves me no matter what the scale says…my worth is truly in him …not a number, not an achievement, nothing that is of me. Cheering you on to stay off that scale and looking forward to meeting your beautiful heart at Allume.
Blessings and thanks for sharing,
Bev
I’m looking forward to meeting you there too, Bev! Congrats on the 75 pounds. I know what you mean about feeling healthier. That’s what I truly want, to not feel so exhausted all the time, etc. I’m also an emotional eater so I would love to break free from that deeply ingrained habit. Thank you for your sweet encouragement!
Friend so happy for u making this declaration. I don’t own a scale on propose. The size and weight I want to be is SIZE HEALTHY. And no # on the scale can truly reflect that because we are all fearfully and wonderfully made with different body chemistry. I pray u continue to heed his voice as He has a tailor made health and wellness plan designed just for YOU. Bless you friend.
“Size Healthy” Love this, Tyra. That’s what I want to be too :). Thank you for your prayers and friendship. Many blessings to you!
What a wonderful reminder that we are so much more than a number!
This is a work in progress for me, Akaleistar! I have to remind myself daily. Staying off the scale is definitely helping.
Hi Candice! I am right with you. That scale dictates my day and I let it go for a few 6 months then recently I brought it back in. I didn’t like that I was allowing a hunk of metal to dictate my worth and for me, the only way to stop it was to meet it head on, lock horns and win the power back. I am not there yet yet I am getting there. I also created a ritual around the weigh. I was using clothes to measure my weight as well but then I found myself gravitating towards the clothes that helped me feel invisible. Oh the mind can play some funny tricks!
I can so relate about the clothes, Maureen! I don’t know that I would ever be able to throw the scale out for good, but this break is already doing wonders for me. “Win the power back.” Love that! We can do this :).
I am so with you on this. I made the same commitment in 2015. I lost only 30 pounds and have at least 40 more to go. I will pray for you. I love myself no matter what. I need to be healthy though and do not want health problems related to obesity. I have arthritis though and it is hard to exercise. I have a sciatica in my back as well.
30 pounds is a big achievement towards better health, Mary. It sounds like you have some tough issues. I want to be more consistent with exercise for the mental aspects as much as the physical. It really improves my mood issues. This is a wonderful attitude: “I love myself no matter what.” Thanks for the prayers! I will pray for you as well. Many blessings!
I struggle so much with this too. And I’ve let it steal my joy for too long !!! I’m with you on the journey. Thanks for sharing your heart !1
It’s amazing the things we let steal our joy, Rebecca. Try staying off the scale for a while if that’s part of your struggle. It’s already making me feel so much better!
Dear Candace,
I really liked your point of view Candace. Our worth is not defined by how we look or even what we do, as we are chosen and loved by Grace, and it is Finished.
I’ve been struggling with the very same issue along my life. Trying to define my worth by the measure of how a good person, a nice, a striving person I am, especially at work. As it can be imagined, it is a flawed mindset and has caused me lotfs of pain and heartbreaks.
But like you mentioned beautifully above, I have decided to throw away that scale of measuring myself from my mind and ONLY look at my saviour as the person who defines my worth. Please kindly pray for me.
Love,
Naz xx
“It is Finished.” What a wonderful reminder, Naz. Thank you :). Praying for you, my friend. Throwing away those old measurements is the road to recovery! We can do this.
Candace, great post…I so agree with everything you..I’m also going to allume…look forward to meeting you…many blessings to you ❤️
I’m looking forward to meeting you too, Beth! It will be a wonderful time. I’ve never been to a blog conference before. Allume is the one that always stood out to me. I’m sure this will be the first of many trips there :). Blessings to you as well!
I hear you loud and clear! For a couple of years, I was only stepping on the scale once a month, but I haven’t even done that since spring. I know I have gained weight since my clothes are getting tight. I don’t need a scale for that!
I do have a good smile though!
Thank you for this post. We all need to hear this and to refocus on the good parts!
You have a beautiful smile, Sarah! It’s infectious, even through a picture :). I’m thinking weighing once a month is where I will start for now. The few days I’ve already been away from it have been inspiring!
So much wisdom. When we focus on what the scale has to say rather than what God has to say, we get caught in our own tracks.
Yes live healthy and love God are keys to a more freeing life.
Thank you so much for sharing your journey and inspiration.
Blessing to you
“Live healthy and love God.” What a simple and amazing way to live, Ifeoma! You are so right, there is great freedom there. Many blessings to you as well!
Yes! Yes! Yes!
I agree… I used to obsess over the number on the scale but choosing healthy over skinny is so important!
I’m looking forward to hearing more about your fantastic parts…. I’m trying to be more intentional with my time. That’s my focus in the coming month… and I’m excited about it!
Thanks for sharing (and for linking up to the #SHINEbloghop).
Wishing you a lovely day.
xoxo
I loved finding that quote about healthy over skinny, Jennifer. It really makes so much sense. I’ve judged myself for far too long. It’s definitely time for some self-love :). Being more intentional with your time sounds like a wonderful goal! I hope you find exactly what you need in that area.
Thank you for sharing this wonderful post! Like you, I’ve let myself be defined by number on a scale for more than 20 years. It’s such a waste! I have been very underweight and although I liked the number, I was miserable — tired, grouchy, exhausted. I’ve learned that the number means nothing — being strong enough to lift and carry my babies, to look after them, to survive the rounds of colds and bugs — *that’s* what’s important! Good for you for changing your focus and thank you again for shedding some light on the struggle so many of us deal with! Visiting from #shinebloghop
I completely agree with you, Jennifer. Strong bodies to take care of our babies are so much more important than tiny jeans. I have weighed a great deal less and I remember being tired and grouchy as well. I was amazed that all of my problems didn’t go away when I got to that magic number on the scale :). I’m just trying to make healthier choices in general these days. I believe that is the key.
Hi Candace! It does look like you have so much to look forward to! I have shared your feelings, and if more were honest, they’d fess up to it too. I have an addiction to my scale too, I can’t deny it. I love the fact that you’re taking a vacation from weighing yourself. Good for you!!
I hope you know that you really are a very special person no matter what the scale says. God says you are, and so you are. Don’t forget that 🙂
Blessings,
Ceil
Thank you so much for your sweet encouragement, Ceil! Staying off the scale really feels like a vacation right now. I’ve been handcuffed to it for too long. Many blessings to you!
Shout out to all the beautiful women out there who don’t let numbers define their worth.
Thank you Candace for such truthful and inspiring post. I bet a lot of women are happier after reading this. 🙂
Yes! A big shout out, Lux :). I definitely hope this changes some struggling opinions.
I loved to read your post and listen to your story. I think most woman do not like to look at a scale as you are right we feel that number defines us. I am so happy you are taking a new approach and appreciating your healthy life! I am sure your anniversary vacation will be amazing!
Rebecca
Thank you, Rebecca! Staying off the scale has made for a wonderful week :). We are getting really excited about our trip.
I wish I was able to meet you, friend! I hope you carry this freedom with you to that blogging conference and your vacation! Such fun coming up for you!
I so wish you were going to Allume, Kristin! Hopefully, someday we will get to hang out, especially since we are in the same state :).
I broke up with my scale 4.5 years ago and I couldn’t be happier. Numbers should NEVER EVER EVER define who you are as a person or your mood for the day. It used to do that for me, but then I said BUH BYE SCALE and I freed up so much space in my brain to focus on FAR more important things in my life!
Wow, over 4 years ago! I’m impressed GiGi. I hope to say that some day. It has definitely freed up brain space for me as well :).
Oh girl. I haven’t had a scale in my house in several years. That number would drive me up the wall. And yes. Healthy is so much prettier than that number on the scale. My clothes will tell me if I’ve been eating wrong too.
I need to get it out of the house too, Tammy. It’s been tempting a couple of times staring at me from the bathroom floor. I’m feeling too good these days though to give in and step on it :).
Love this line: “God will not let me release this weight until I stop obsessing over that number and putting all my self esteem into it.” Thanks for your inspiring post!
He has been telling me that for years, Judy! I’m thankful to finally start listening :).
OH my friend… you speak what so many feel! I love your intention, your constant tenacity to break this habit and focus on the fantastic things that surely deserve more of your energy, your effort and your attention!
I have gained SO much weight over the past few years- and I hate it! I used to obsess about my weight back in my 20’s… and honestly, I think I was miraculously transformed into releasing that monster of insecurity and control and that horribly debilitating burden that started to grow steadily in me.
I thank God every day that I don’t go ‘there’- and it just doesn’t take me down. I’m really not sure how or when or why I became less concerned. But I did. Sure, I’d LOVE to be lean again. But really? Life just shouldn’t be about that. I pray someday you will have this kind of transformation, my beautiful friend.
And I truly hope that you can embrace and enjoy those two amazing opportunities!!!
That sounds like an amazing transformation, Chris. Not weighing over the past week has helped me tremendously. Hopefully I’m right behind you on that beautiful mindset :). Much love, my friend!
You are so right. That number on the scale doesn’t define us. My husband and I had our first child this past August and ever since I have been struggling with the numbers on the scale. I recently took a picture with my daughter and I was heartbroken because when I first looked at it all I saw was fatness. Instead I should have saw the miracle God has given my husband and I . I told my husband that I was going to work harder at not being so critical of my body and that every time I look at my stretch marks or wide hips I will remember the miracle God blessed us with. We have also started to get up every morning and work out together. I got on the scale and the numbers didn’t change but I did tell myself that by working out I am being a healthier me. Thank you for this post. It was a great read and very much needed!
This is a work in progress for me, Anna. I really struggle with seeing pictures of myself. So much so that I avoid them far more than I should. You are so right about seeing the miracle in that picture instead. I don’t want my kids to grow up with no pictures of us together, so I’m working hard on jumping in more and not beating myself up. Congrats on your new precious addition! Children are such an incredible blessing.
Candace, I so appreciate you sharing your journey with us (one that I know so many people are on – myself included).
I’m proud of you not defining or pinning your joy on the number on the scale … I need to try that 🙂
I’m still trying to find my happy medium of how often to weigh, but I know now to definitely avoid daily scale time, Sam :). It’s a tough transition when we put so much into what that number means. Ultimately we must realize that’s all it is, a number. There are so many better things to define who we are.
Candace, I have struggled for 15 years with every form of eating disorder, which I have never squashed even after being hospitalized, therapy, ect…..until this week, after reading your blog and 31 days Food addict. Yesterday was my first day and it was successful! God is GOOD! Thank you for inspiring me and for writing this as a wake up call to get my life focused on God instead of food.
I’m so excited to hear this, Shannon! Thanks for sharing your story with me. It sounds like you’ve had a long, hard road. I can completely relate. Keep me posted! One day at a time, my friend :).