There have been so many times in my life that I doubted God. Most of these moments were directly tied to the difficult health circumstances of myself or someone I loved.
That time I spent in the hospital in my early 20’s having my gall bladder removed. It was destroyed by months of binging on drugs while starving my body from food. Why did I have to be a drug addict? Why would I be in a hospital having an organ taken from such a young body?
The day we buried my daughter’s father after a long battle with diabetes. How could God take away a little girl’s daddy? Why did he struggle for so long only to have his life cut short?
That moment my little girl’s doctor spoke the words — she has diabetes — less than 2 years after her father’s funeral. Hadn’t she suffered enough, God?
The ambulance ride to the Children’s Hospital watching my son unable to come out of a seizure as the panic stricken EMTs tried desperately to help. Two kids with chronic illnesses, really God? How is that possible?
All of those dark days I’ve spent locked away, isolated in depression. I wondered how there could possibly be a God that would listen to me scream out in agony and not answer.
Why didn’t He heal us?
In the recently released book, Before Amen: The Power of a Simple Prayer, Max Lucado wisely shares this:
Those experiences are our sermons.
We live through and share our stories and pain to help others. My daughter’s diabetes and the loss of her father from the same awful disease is her sermon. My son’s epilepsy and the overwhelming coexisting anxiety is his sermon.
Addictions, mental health issues, weight struggles, and hundreds of other health woes make up my incredibly long sermon. This little space of the internet was set up to share this sermon, to hopefully bring light to at least one other soul’s darkness.
I’m exhausted these days as I continue my fight against food addiction. Here’s the difference between me today as I battle this addiction and that young girl in her 20’s struggling to stay away from drugs. Today, I have hope and an unwavering faith. Two things that I truly believe go hand in hand.
Through him you believe in God, who raised him from the dead and glorified him, and so your faith and hope are in God.
~1 Peter 1:21
One day my children will share their sermons. And one glorious day, we will all leave our sermons behind and be whole again…
“He will heal you, my friend. I pray he heals you instantly. He may choose to heal you gradually. But this much is sure: Jesus will heal us all ultimately. Wheelchairs, ointments, treatments, and bandages are confiscated at the gateway to heaven. God’s children will once again be whole.”
Have you struggled with faith when illness struck you or a loved one? It’s an easy time to want to question God. Know this: He hears you, loves you, and promises to one day completely heal us all.
He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away.