I’ve used a number for several years now to determine my worth. It’s that 3-number set I see below me on the scale every morning. I’m constantly amazed by how my attitude for the entire day is completely dictated by it.
A few months after I started writing in this space, I shared this same issue. I wish I could say things have improved over the past year and a half. They haven’t. My obsession has remained the same.
Two incredibly exciting trips are coming up for me. In two weeks, I’m going to my first blog conference. Instead of focusing on meeting some of the amazing bloggers I’ve followed for so long and learning much needed sanity tips for this sometimes overwhelming online job, I keep thinking about what that morning scale number needs to read before I go.
In November, I’m taking an anniversary trip with my husband to Aruba. While I should be thrilled about spending a week alone with my hubby on a breathtaking beach after surviving 15 years of marriage, I’ve been completely fixated on how mortified I am at the thought of wearing a bathing suit. I could be thankful about getting this trip for free from travel points after my husband’s many business trips this year. Instead, I find myself wallowing in how I got my body to its current state.
Here is what I’ve decided: God will not let me release this weight until I stop obsessing over that number and putting all my self esteem into it. I seem to keep learning this over and over. It’s time to start living with a new truth.
We are so much more than that number on the scale. It doesn’t define us. This obsession must stop. We are strong, beautiful, and capable children of God.
I want to focus on what I’m doing right for a while. When I wrote about Health as my word for 2015, I made a commitment that no matter what happened with the scale, I would not give up. I’ve kept that promise to myself.
I’m attending an online nutrition and health coaching program. I plan to be my first client. It’s quite time consuming and was a stretch to add to my already overwhelmed schedule. But I’m doing it and that counts big.
I’ve continued to share different tips and programs in my monthly Turning to Food series. Even though my scale isn’t moving yet, one of these could be a life changer for someone visiting this online space. The fasting research I’ve started for this series is already changing me on such greater levels than physical health.
By choosing healthy over skinny you are choosing self-love over self-judgment. You are beautiful! ~Steve Maraboli, Unapologetically You
Amen… I want to feel healthier on every level, not just defined as skinny by some vague number. I’m choosing self-love. Are you with me?
So, my commitment this month is I’m not stepping on that too powerful little scale until the next installment of this series. That will be about halfway between these two upcoming trips. The conference will be over, so I can’t tie that number to my level of enjoyment there in any way. And my trip with my awesome husband will be too close to obsess over changing the number in monumental ways before our plane takes off.
This month is all about focusing on my fantastic parts: how big I love my family, the way I’ve finally started letting close friends into my introverted life, my special morning time with God…
Tell me one of your fantastic parts! I would love to hear from you in the comments.